When I was pregnant with my first child, one of my real fears was that I would poop during delivery. This worry was seriously anxiety inducing. Thankfully, that didn't happen, but once my son was born, I realized I had a new poop-related fear: what it would be like to do number two after having a long labor and a few stitches? Oh no!
Thankfully, my nurses were insistent that I start a routine of stool softeners and staying hydrated after I delivered. When the dreaded event finally happened — at home, five days later! — it was shockingly impressive in terms of output but surprisingly not that painful.
And I just need to emphasize the amount of relief I felt having passed that extremely harrowing postpartum hurdle was HIGH. Really, really HIGH. And it didn't even hurt!
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I always like sharing stories and comparing notes with other moms, especially on TMI topics like poop, so read on for 12 more stories about the highs and lows of surviving the first poop after baby. We can all be so glad we weren't mom No. 8!
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The Two-Hour Grocery Trip
"After I had my first baby, I was totally constipated from the C-section and the pain meds afterwards. I was taking my stool softners and trying to get fiber in my diet, but days and days passed with nothing happening.
Finally, about a week after the baby, I was feeling stir-crazy and decided to go to the store (by myself!) to pick up a few things. I was shopping and all of a sudden I felt the gears in my tummy start turning. I hustled to the bathroom and started pooping. And kept pooping and pooping and pooping. I must have flushed at least four times during the act to make sure I didn't clog the toilet. I was in there for almost 45 minutes!
The worst part was that by the time I was done, I was late for a feeding and my milk was letting down and getting my shirt wet. Then I was washing my hands and some old lady asked me when I was due and I burst into tears. Ah, hormones!
All told, I was at the store for almost two hours and all I bought was some Diet Coke and ice cream." — D.S.
The Demon Turd
"I'm pregnant for the second time. I worry about the capability of our toilet after I have this one.
Last time it was terrifying. I believe I referred to it as a demon turd. It was hard and long and heavy and dark. I probably tore more from it than from having the baby." — M.E.
Full of It
"I didn't poop for almost a week, and when I finally did, the output was SPECTACULAR. Like, I legit almost called my husband in to see. And then I remembered to have a shred of decency and didn't. But I had no idea that one body could have that much poop in it. I was literally full of sh*t." — S.T.
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Don't Tear a New One
"I had some bad tearing and was basically worried my poop would tear my asshole straight through to my vagina. It didn't happen. Phew!
Also, just like [during] birth, I had to tell myself, 'Lady, it's coming out one way or another, so relax, take a deep breath, and get it over with.'" — E.W.
Rearranged
"My first pregnancy I had a huge anal fissure from a scary toilet incident. I had to take a trip to the proctologist for helpful cream. Second time around I ended up with a complete rearrangement of my lady parts, apparently. Now it seems like I poop out of my vag, sideways." — J.P.
Prune Power
"In the hospital I drank prune juice like it was my job. Even still, the hemorrhoids were awful. And months later, I still get hemorrhoids occasionally after great effort. In our household we eat prunes daily.
I bring my phone to the bathroom still. I know I'm going to be there for a while." — T.S.
So Terrified
"I was so terrified because I had third- to fourth-degree tearing, plus I have a, ahem, 'history' — my family has 'torturous colons' (actual medical term), which basically translates to 'a long and winding road,' which translates to 'giant sh*ts' (I have pictures of my 1-year-old's poop that would make your toes curl. I showed it to our ped, because I was genuinely concerned, and she choked).
But it was really not that bad. I took stool softeners like it was my job though." — T.A.
Complications
"Well, with my first I had Percocet, a spinal, and a C-section. Any one of those can cause your intestines to stop working, and I had all three.
I had gas so bad it traveled up to my shoulder and I couldn't breathe. So then after three days they figured out that my intestines were actually taking a loooooong nap (yes, it took three days to figure out), and so they gave me medicine to 'wake them up.' Unfortunately the medicine they gave me is also what they give to women who are underproducing breast milk.
So I ended up having to repeatedly soak my hard breasts in a bucket in the sink of the hospital room, while experiencing excruciating gas pain in my shoulder. As a result, the poop was spread out over an entire day, but it did seem never-ending. I was just so glad they never sent me home. I can't even imagine.
With my second I also had a C-section and thought I was going to blow my stitches trying to fight the constipation. That suuuuuuucked!" — J.Y.
Armed for Battle
"I remember mine clearly since it wasn't that long ago. Post C-section, the pain started five days after his birth, six days since my last poop.
I was unable to sit on my butt because I was so backed up. I tried everything to get it to come out and [had] major cramping with no results.
When it finally came out, a full day later, it was like nothing I'd seen before. I bet it weighed as much as the baby. It clogged the toilet, but luckily I was ready with the plunger. I don't think I've ever felt so relieved as [I did] when it came out. The process of getting that much poop out was equal to, if not worse than, the fifteen hours of labor prior to the C-section." — A.W.
Goddess of War
"Baby number 1, I was terrified and my body held it in for a week out of fear. Baby number 2, I walked in there like the goddess of war because by that point I'd learned nothing can kill me." — C.N.
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Good Thing He's Cute
"My nether regions were torn up from the floor up with my first kiddo.
I was swollen, had tearing and stitches — the works. Pooping was my damn nemesis. I would literally clear my calendar for the event. I'd make sure the kid was napping because I didn't want any interruptions. I had been pampering my bum area with ice packs and witch hazel pads like a sacrifice to the gods. I would get that peri bottle full of nice warm water and and go in for action. I tried to not strain at all (because oww); I tried something under my feet to put me in a squat position. I had a sitz bath ready for after, but DAMN, nothing I did prepared me for the pain.
Childbirth seemed like nothing compared to postnatal pooping. It was a challenge and painful for like the first two months. I remember screaming at my husband about how I still didn't feel like myself even months after childbirth because I STILL couldn't poop right.
Good thing the baby was cute, right?" — M.M.
Worse Than Childbirth
"Mine was ALMOST worse than my awful 22-hour labor and birth (ending in C-section). I took stool softener regularly but it still took a whole week to poop.
I was screaming in the bathroom like I was in childbirth. My husband was so scared something awful was happening to me. Honestly, I remember that much more than the birth of my child." — S.M.
