For many moms, there’s one major thing that they wish their husbands would do: pitch in a little more without their having to ask. Instead of being made to feel like nags, these frustrated spouses wish their partners could figure out what needs to be done around the house and for the kids — just like they do — instead of waiting to first be told. Despite the desire for men to step it up every once in a while, one dad admits that this is what he already does — and that it’s actually one of his worst qualities.
“One of the worst habits I’ve developed over ten years of being together is that I actually do ‘help out’ at home,” Brad Kearns wrote on his Facebook page, DaDMuM. “I’m not lazy and I do plenty but just like everyone else with kids and a busy schedule I could always do more.”
The dad of two explained that while his wife, Sarah, is at work, he notices things that he could — and should — do to make her life easier. However, that doesn’t mean that it always gets done. “She often asks for little things to get done and sometimes I just forget. A lot of our little bickers come from simple daily tasks that I’m pretty sh*t with and sometimes go undone,” he wrote. “You can literally see the frustration because after a decade all she sees is that I still don’t get it. I’m definitely not perfect … just ask her.”
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So to make up for it, Kearns will occasionally surprise her with a “massive clean” with the hope of being praised when she comes down the stairs. “I try not to mention anything but secretly I want her to know how much I’ve done and how great the house looks,” he wrote. “She always acknowledges it because she’s a better person than me.”
The problem is, Kearns shouldn’t be “helping out” — period — let alone expecting acknowledgement for it when he does. “It’s both of our homes, both of our family and both of our responsibility,” he wrote. “Doing housework isn’t helping her. It’s not for her to acknowledge or issue praise and it’s certainly not for me to hand the rest over to her and clock off when she’s back.”
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Kearns knows that his wife doesn’t expect him to be perfect or for their house to be immaculate. “She literally just wants to see me care about our little home as much as she does,” he wrote. “It’s literally just doing what I should be doing. I shouldn’t need her to think for me and ask me to do things when she’s not there. I should have thought of it myself.”
So for the partners who are just like Kearns, he hopes you figure out that your job isn’t just to “pitch in” for your wives. “Don’t try to help out more. Just try to care more,” he added.
