I was 19 when I met my husband, Stuart. About 15 minutes into our first date he asked me what I wanted to do with my life: What was my dream career? Did I want kids? Where did I want to travel? I told him that I didn’t really know what I wanted to do — although I knew for sure that if I was going to have children in my life, it would be because I was fostering them.
We got married a few years later and went on our honeymoon. Two weeks after we came home, we decided that we were going to start our foster parent training. We were in agreement that we would just do short-term emergency care/respite to start. We were planning on fostering babies and toddlers.
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I was only 23 at the time, and the idea of fostering older kids and teens seemed unfathomable.
Once we got licensed, we were immediately called asking if we could take in a baby for a week. It went great and we loved it. Then right after that we were called asking if we could take in a sweet 3-year-old for a weekend. We said yes. That weekend turned into a week. And that week into months. And those months into years. That little boy is our son, Michael.
A few months after Michael came to us, we agreed to supervise a sibling visit.
That’s where we met Dayshawn for the first time. The second Michael caught a glimpse of his brother from across the playground, he ran with all his might and jumped into his arms. It was that second that Stuart and I looked at each other and we truly understood the importance of Dayshawn and Michael needing to be together. We were still a little hesitant about taking in an older child. There’s only a 13-year age difference between me and Dayshawn. But the second I started talking to him, all my fears went out the window.
Dayshawn breaks every single stereotype about teens in foster care.
He is the most empathetic and compassionate person I’ve ever met. He is a social butterfly and makes it his personal mission to welcome every new child who comes to us. He works so hard in school and is SO funny. He wants to be either a basketball player, a doctor, or a social worker when he grows up. Being his mom feels so natural. He doesn’t even seem to notice that I’m so young (or he just doesn’t care). To him I’m just his mom. He was so excited on our adoption day. My favorite part is when he felt compelled to interrupt the judge to explain exactly why he wanted to be adopted (so many tears!).
We became foster parents because we wanted to help families in our community.
Adoption wasn’t our primary goal, although we were open to it if it became available. We advocate for reunification whenever it’s possible. The best part about fostering is seeing parents work tremendously hard to get their children back. It is a privilege walking alongside these parents throughout that journey and being able to support them in any way possible.
We’ve fostered 14 children, some long-term and some emergency placements. People always say, "Oh, I could never be a foster parent. I would get too attached and it would hurt when they go home." And that’s true. It is hard. And I cry every single time a child leaves. But reunification can be a beautiful thing. We’re so lucky to have close relationships with many of the parents of our foster children. Our relationship with these children doesn’t have to end just because they return home.
This post was written by Sara Cozad and reprinted with permission.
