Sometimes the line between enthusiasm and overstepping boundaries can be razor thin — especially when it comes to your mother-in-law's relationship to your kids. Take it from one new mom, who shared that her MIL has ben pushing things from happy new grandma to acting inappropriately. Now that the woman has officially given birth, she's wondering if she's overreacting or if her MIL was "out of line" with some of the things she's pulled.
The problem started during the mom's delivery when her MIL snuck into the delivery room for just a "peek" when she wasn't supposed to.
In a post on Reddit, the mom shared that although she loves her MIL to death, she's "started to have negative feelings toward her" ever since she became pregnant.
"It’s only gotten worse since I gave birth to my daughter on Monday," she continued. "I need some advice on figuring out whether it’s just me and my changing hormones or if MIL is actually having some boundary issues. She’s had some questionable behavior since my daughter was born a few days ago."
To start, her MIL paid no attention to her wishes on the day she gave birth. The mom and her husband had asked that no family members be in the delivery room, including her own mom and MIL, and that everyone give her and her husband privacy during the delivery. "I thought everyone understood this and would respect my privacy and trust that I would let them know when I was ready for visitors," she wrote.
But days after the birth, her MIL "admitted to me and my husband that she snuck into the private waiting room outside my door and peaked through the tiny crack in the curtain of the viewing window in order to watch what was going on. "
To make matters worse, she then reported back to the group in the main waiting room that something was wrong when in reality, "nothing was actually wrong; the baby just hadn’t been delivered yet." Which is why she saw lots of blood but heard no cries …
"I understand how this must have been terrifying for her as this is her first grandchild, but she shouldn’t have been sneaking around in the first place," she wrote. "To me, this feels like a major boundary violation."
But that's not the only line this MIL has crossed during her short time as a grandma.
The next seriously strange thing happened while the new mom was nursing her daughter in the recovery room. "I brought my baby up to my breast and suddenly MIL says, 'Aww, I wish I could feed her!' I’m hoping to god she meant using a bottle and not actually breastfeeding my child," the new mom wrote.
"Lastly, today she told me and my husband that she feels 'pains' when she doesn’t see 'her baby' every day," the mom wrote. "Last time I checked, my daughter is MY baby and I am not obligated to make sure she sees her every day."
Plus, this MIL has yet to even go a day without seeing the baby because she's shown up unannounced or asked to stop by daily.
The mom is at her wit's end. "Please tell me I’m not insane and that her behavior is out of line," she wrote. "My husband just thinks his mother’s behavior is funny. I’m finding myself getting more and more upset about her relationship with my daughter and I don’t want to feel this way!"
Other mothers online agreed: This mother-in-law was getting a wee bit crazy.
"Your daughter is not an emotional support animal for MIL," one person commented. "If she is having pains and emotional issues she needs to get professional help. Your daughter is not to be used as a 'therapy baby.' Not sure of your living situation or prior relationship and visit frequency with your MIL, but if after daughter was born MIL is now always wanting to be around you (actually around daughter) this is not a good situation. Set boundaries and expectations with everyone, including MIL."
"Your MIL is…weird," another person agreed. "Spying on you in the delivery room is creepy and not normal behavior. She didn’t try to push her way in or anything that would be considered 'expected' (bad mother-in-law) behavior and instead did it in secret…in a dark room and decided to SHARE WHAT SHE SAW!!! There is a level of deception here that is beyond what I normally see on this sub and it is disturbing to me."
And one person thought the mom needed to be proactive and address her issues ASAP. "You need to set firm boundaries NOW. Start with no dropping by unannounced and limit the number of days per week she can visit too. You need time to bond with your baby and she needs to learn that your baby is not a source of entertainment," the person wrote.
But other people thought that her MIL was just excited.
They argued that the mom needed to cut her some slack. "Sometimes too much love can make you feel smothered, but do you really want to blame someone for loving your child too much?" one person wrote. "If she says weird things, try make a joke of it. It is also hard for a grannie to know how to act, especially if her child is the father and not the mother. It sounds like she is just over excited and trying her best. Be open with her when you need your space."
"I assume MIL was also just overexcited when she looked into the delivery room? She was just trying her best," another person told her.
"Don’t make this a HUGE issue," a third person wrote. "Have your husband tell her how you BOTH feel about how she didn’t appreciate your wishes but understand how much she loves being a grandma. Keep a check on how she reacts forward. You have more important stuff to focus on but anything you react to now will affect your relationship in the future. It all is weird but ask for some space for a few weeks. Remember she loves you all and her new grandchild."
In the end, the mom later shared that she decided to be firm with her MIL and set strong boundaries.
After reading other users' comments, the mom decided that she wasn't going to let her MIL's actions slide. "While I do love my MIL, I realize now it’s time to start setting more firm boundaries for the sake of my own sanity and my child’s well being!" she wrote later in the thread. "Motherhood is difficult, especially when you’re a total newbie, sleep deprived, and recovering from labor. I have to be more comfortable addressing my own needs and not feeling selfish about it!"
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