There are just some things you don't do or say to a woman who is pregnant or has just given birth. Most of them are pretty basic, if you ask me. Don't tell her she looks like she's "ready to pop." Don't question why she's formula-feeding instead of breastfeeding, or vice versa. And definitely don't — under any circumstances — comment on the state of her pregnancy or postpartum body. In fact, just avoid all body talk whatsoever. Somewhere in the world right now, a clueless dude is learning that lesson the hard way, after giving his pregnant sister-in-law a book that he thought was harmless but wound up landing him in some hot water.
The man, who took to Reddit to share his story and ask others if he was in fact a complete idiot, says he's unclear what all the fuss is about.
In his post, the anonymous man explains that he needed to buy his sister-in-law a baby shower gift, and was wracking his brain over what to get. Although he admits he's not super close to her (and that her relationship to most of his siblings is "somewhat strained"), he does know that she's into health and fitness.
So, with a little help from the bookstore clerk, he landed on something he thought she'd like: The Complete Guide to Postnatal Fitness.
In other words: He got her a postpartum weight loss book.
Aaaand all together now: OOF!
To be fair, this kid is a mere 24 years old, and he (presumably) doesn't know too much about the dos and don'ts of pregnancy etiquette.
But still.
His girlfriend picked out another gift for the sister-in-law too: a little teddy bear with a shirt that says "Chanel."
Because the sister-in-law is always wearing Chanel, they apparently thought it would be a "tongue-in-cheek" gift that would get a laugh.
But apparently no.
"Last night, I got a call from my brother," the post continued. "He said, 'What were you guys playing at by sending those presents?'"
Turns out, the sister-in-law was none too pleased by either of the gifts, which she felt carried thinly veiled criticisms of her.
"Apparently my SIL was super offended that I got her a fitness book, because it contained weight loss tips," the man continued. "She’s also mad at my girlfriend because she thinks she’s mocking her for wearing a lot of Chanel."
Honestly? I can see that. And apparently, so can most of Reddit.
The man's post prompted a lot of responses, many of which came from users who thought he was relatively clueless as to the implications both gifts carried. (Not to mention insensitive.) After all, because he mentioned their relationship was strained, it doesn't take much to see why she thought there was a criticism in it for her.
"Pregnant or not, 'Here’s a book about how to lose weight and get in shape' is generally a bad idea unless the person has specifically asked for such a book," wrote one user.
Another person called it flat-out rude.
"It’s rude to gift ANYONE a book with fitness and weight loss tips (unless they specifically asked for it), why would a pregnant woman be any different?" wrote the user. "Hormones are flying in a way you can’t imagine, things are happening to her body that are out of her control, YTA don’t give a rude gift when she’s most vulnerable."
At least one person admitted to being given something similar, and noted that it still stings a bit.
"I wish someone had told my mum this five years ago when she gave me ‘40 Low Fat Recipes’ for Christmas," wrote one user. "Can’t say I much enjoyed Christmas dinner after that one. Thanks, Mom."
More than a few women also stepped in to school the poster on a little thing called postpartum body pressure.
"There is a RIDICULOUS amount of pressure to lose all of the baby weight immediately," explained one Redditor. "At about 7.5 months, OPs sister is probably already worrying about it. This gift may have inadvertently reinforced that stereotype/issue, especially when you throw pregnancy hormones into the mix."
It's worth noting that the poster did admit the Chanel bear was a bit of a "jab."
"I’ll admit, the Chanel thing is sort of an inside joke amongst the family and my girlfriend was being a bit sly with the teddy bear," he wrote. "But the fitness book seems harmless enough. I can see her being annoyed by the implication to lose weight but it’s not really an offensive thing for me to gift, is it?"
Needless to say, most commenters called him on that one.
"The teddy bear was actively mocking her and that was obvious," said one user. "That combined with a book that’s basically ‘how to not get too fat when you have a baby’ is a pretty clear slight. I’m guessing you think she takes things too seriously because you all have a history of being assholes to her."
Hmm … kinda sounds like it?
Honestly, there might be two things at play here. He was being a little jokey with the bear, but he didn't mean anything by the book. Either way, the gift misses the mark and it's not hard to see why. Hopefully, the kid will know better the next time he has a baby shower to buy for — and will just stick to the registry.
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