The first few months after a baby is born are rough to say the least, which is why sharing the load with your partner can make all the difference — especially when the sleep deprivation starts to set in. Unfortunately, though, that wasn't the experience one mom on Reddit had with her first child, and now that Baby No. 2 is on the way, things are getting even more tense with her husband, who refuses to cut back on his gym time so the mom can get some sleep.
In her post, the soon-to-be mom of two said she remembered all too well how hard it was to get her husband to help with their first child.
Although she is only six weeks into her latest pregnancy, the mom admitted that she's already nervous about what things will be like the second time around. The first time, she faced some pretty intense sleep deprivation and was getting roughly 2.5 hours of sleep a night for the first three to five weeks of her baby's life. (A point in time she says is "all a blur now.")
Meanwhile, her husband was doing the bare minimum to pick up the slack.
"My husband had cut back his gym time once the baby was here, but was still going three-five times during the week," she wrote. "He would silently be ticked if I asked him to not go to the gym."
Yikes.
"I truly think he thought he was really pulling his own weight," she wrote, explaining that he would help with the bath, give their daughter a bottle, change diapers, and other tasks. "But sometimes, that 'help' wasn't enough," continued. "Sometimes, I NEEDED another adult to talk to and to lend me a hand in the evenings."
But this time, her husband has flat-out refused to give up his gym time at all.
No matter how much the mom has tried expressing how stressful it was taking care of their first baby largely on her own, her husband wasn't swayed.
"I told him this meant he was going to have to help out more and probably not go to the gym as much," she recalled. But apparently, that pushed a few of his buttons, and he "did not receive this kindly."
The next day, he texted his wife, saying, "Just to be clear, I feel like I do a lot." Then, he launched into a pretty long explainer about why he wouldn't be putting any more effort in this time around:
"I will not be able to help out with daycare, as I drive a work truck and cannot have another passenger in my car. I will continue to go to the gym, because health is important to me and I need to go to relieve stress. The reason you're so stressed is because you choose to hold and entertain our daughter all the time, while I think it's ok to let her cry if she's bored. You need to think about if you want this baby."
Needless to say, the poster didn't take his message too kindly.
"I said, 'I cannot believe you would rather me have an abortion than make any more sacrifices regarding your gym time,'" she wrote. "But he is adamant that I am the selfish one."
Wow.
Most people felt like this dad was being completely selfish.
"He literally thinks you are fully responsible for this child and any bit he chips in is going above and beyond," one commenter wrote.
Another agreed, saying, "I think anyone who sees their significant other genuinely sleep deprived and doesn't actively try to improve the situation is an [expletive]."
"If the mama can’t get enough sleep. Daddy shouldn’t be expending excess energy on working out," another person wrote. "He could lift his babies for a workout. Chase them around outside to work out. Kids are exhausting. Postpartum depression is a thing."
But there were a few people who actually came to the dad's defense.
Some thought the mom was being unreasonable.
"Yeah he sounds like a [expletive], but this is a real thing," one person said. "If you are required to drive a work truck you can actually be fired for having passengers. Some companies require you to drive the vehicle to and from."
Another person argued that the mom was actually the selfish one.
"If there weren't children involved, your SO would be the unequivocal [expletive]," the commenter advised. "But what the [expletive] are you doing bringing another child into a relationship so ill prepared for it? You're the only one who actually wants to be with the child and clearly don't have access to the support necessary to make that manageable."
"The problem is not gym time," another person said, matter-of-factly. "Everyone should be working out and keeping fit for life, including you."
(Ugh.)
Although it's still not clear whether the dad will totally change his ways, the mom did later share a positive update, claiming that things might be looking up.
"He left work early today to get his work out in so he could be home with us this evening," she shared in the update. "He picked up dinner, helped feed the baby, played with her outside & is giving her a bath now."
Even though that may not sound like a huge leap forward, the mom pointed out that "this is DEF not the norm."
"I think maybe he’s realized what an [expletive] he’s been," she said. "Still need to have a convo, probably with a counselor, but, things are looking up?"
Here's hoping she's right.
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