Pregnancy can be stressful, even under the best of conditions. So imagine being young, with an unplanned pregnancy, and an eating disorder. One 19-year-old shared her story on Reddit, and you could just sense the stress that she's been through. After a very intense pregnancy, she was determined to make her birth plan as smooth as possible. And for this woman, that meant having an epidural. The young woman's mother was there for her through her pregnancy and was adamant that she should not have an epidural, claiming if she didn't have a natural birth, she wouldn't be a "real mother."
The anonymous new mom explains she had a difficult pregnancy and was on bed rest while she lived with her mom.
During this time, her boyfriend was working a full-time job.
"My mom helped with my birth plan, and continuously said that I shouldn't have an epidural, that I should experience birth," she wrote on Reddit. Her mother told her that if she didn't have a "natural birth with anything but gas and air … I'm not a 'real' mother," she revealed, adding that her mother said that "young girls always cop out."
The mother continued to judge the pregnant daughter for other parenting choices she was making.
The pregnant woman was tired of hearing her mother insist that she not have an epidural, so she told her mother that she couldn't be in the delivery room when she gave birth.
"This conversation happened almost every day, until I went into labour at 35 weeks," she shared.
She then ended up needing a C-section.
"It was traumatic and painful, and I don't remember much of my daughter's birth," she wrote. "I'm having a really hard time coming to terms with this, and I really do feel like the universe is telling me I shouldn't be a mother because of the pregnancy issues and the birth."
After all of this, she didn't allow her mother in her hospital room until the day after the birth of her child.
Because she was banned from the delivery room, of course grandma was still upset, but she melted when she met her granddaughter.
"The first thing she said was 'ah, she's gorgeous'," the woman wrote of her mother's reaction to meeting her grandchild. But things quickly became negative when the new grandmother continued: "I'm so glad you get to feel the birth now because you didn't get to do it naturally."
"She gestured to my C-section wound. I was furious, demanded my boyfriend take the baby from my mother, and asked her to leave. She cried and said she was joking, I said she needs to go and I need time to consider whether I want her in my life at the moment considering she obviously has no respect for me," the upset new mom wrote.
The woman and her mom are both still very emotional about the incident, and not communicating.
"This was two weeks ago," the new mom wrote in the Reddit post. "She hasn't tried to contact me, but my dad has and he says I need to forgive mom despite her not apologising. My bf says he'll stand by me no matter what, but that I'm probably too emotional to be making long term choices like this. I do want my mom to meet my baby and I feel like I'm punishing her. Everyone thinks I'm an [expletive]."
Everyone came to the young woman's defense and agreed that her mother was wrong for trying to force her daughter to have a natural childbirth.
There was a resounding show of support for the new young mom on Reddit. It seemed all of the commenters agreed that her mom is continuing to be a toxic person in her life.
"What you went through was stressful and traumatic, and rather than be a supportive figure she was a consistent thorn in your side," one commenter wrote. "You deserve to take all the time you need to heal. Congrats on the baby … And don’t be afraid to reach out for professional help, PPA/PPD is a very real, painful thing (but it doesn’t make you any less of a mom)."
"Also please watch out for postpartum depression!," another commenter posted. "It's incredibly common and with your birth experience being so traumatic, just make sure to get help if you start feeling hopeless or incompetent as a mother. I had a pretty rough pregnancy (pre-E) and an awful birth experience full of incompetent doctors and [expletive] was rough for a while after. I was terrified to take my son to the doctor and my husband ended up doing all the appointments up until recently."
A third person questioned the shame about asking for painkillers. "Why is childbirth the only thing some people insist women can't take pain medications for? I don't get it. A woman becomes a real mother when her baby is loved, and well cared for. How you deliver has nothing to do with it. Your mother is insane. Next time she talks about how natural unmedicated childbirth is better tell she should have all future dental procedures without novocaine since natural is so much better."
The young woman agreed that she needs some time to feel better and take care of her new baby.
The Reddit poster admitted she's finding comfort in the fact that she's not alone and is taking all of the Reddit comments to heart.
"I reached out to my doctor a week after the birth and I'm having Skype therapy sessions twice a week at the moment … and I'm already feeling a bit better, so hopefully I'll get to enjoy the baby time much more than how she got here :)," the Redditor revealed.
"It's nice (well, not nice, but reassuring lol) to know that I'm not the only person who has been through these things. I do feel a little bit better already. Thankfully my boyfriend's parents have been really supportive and have been amazing. I wish my mother was the same, but I'm just glad my baby girl is here and healthy :)"
Hopefully, she and her mom will get a chance to talk and reconcile if that's what is best for them both.
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