It's so important to do all we can to make sure that girls feel good about their bodies. But one woman on Reddit was shocked when a family nickname for her 6-year-old daughter became the focus of "body shaming" accusations. What's worse, she and her daughter's teacher are feuding over it.
According to the mom, the nickname in question comes from a picture book.
The whole family calls her daughter "Chubby Birdy," the original poster (OP) explained on Reddit. According to the mom, as far as she can tell, her daughter "likes the nickname."
"Even before she could speak properly, she was obsessed with it because of the alliteration (I'm guessing)," she wrote. The nickname comes from their native language.
But then, the OP's daughter told other kids at school about her unique moniker.
A day after she told her classmates about the name, her teacher sent a "gently scolding" email home. She wrote, "We shouldn't call her that because of body issues it could cause."
At first, the mom took it on the chin.
She decided to thank her daughter's teacher for her concern, "acknowledged that body issues were an issue even for such young girls," explained where the nickname came from, and promised to tell her daughter that the name was "personal and she should be careful about calling other people by nicknames they didn't ask for."
"I wasn't offended at all by the teacher's email, and I thought my response was very polite," she wrote.
But the teacher wasn't satisfied with her response.
Her second email was much harsher. She warned that the mom was setting her daughter up for a "lifetime of body issues, and though '[her] culture' might be okay with 'fat-shaming,' 'in America,' that is not acceptable."
She wrote that the mom should be "ashamed" of giving her daughter that nickname and then asking her to hide it.
The mom's not exactly sure which culture the teacher's talking about.
Even though the OP's parents are originally Eastern European, she was born and raised in the United States.
"My husband is from East Asia, and my daughter has his last name (though I don't)," she added. "So, I'm not completely sure whose culture she was referring to."
Again, she tried to be polite.
She tried to explain that for her parents and her grandparents, food scarcity was real. "My grandmother lived through a famine and lost several relatives to it, and though my parents' generation had it much better, they still had to wait in line for food and knew nothing of the abundance of the US," she explained.
A child with chubby cheeks was considered a good thing "because it meant they were well-fed."
"But then I finished it off by calling her 'culturally insensitive' for projecting American hang-ups about weight onto my multicultural family," she added.
The teacher has yet to reply.
The mom feels guilty for bringing her family's painful history into this "petty squabble," but it's true. Both her mother and her grandmother are obsessed with making sure her daughter's well-fed.
Meanwhile, her husband thinks she shouldn't have called the teacher "'culturally sensitive' in particular because Americans gets very upset at being told they're racist/unaware. He thinks it could cause issues with the teacher in the future if I've offended her."
Many people thought the teacher's email was not OK.
"Teacher’s first email is completely understandable, but after that, she is out of line," one person commented.
"Honestly, the first email came off to me as the teacher being an entitled, nosy busybody — and the reply from OP made her double down," a second commenter wrote. "Lady needed to mind her [expletive] business in the first place."
"Completely agree," a third commenter chimed in. "My parents calling me chubby? Unacceptable. My Italian in-laws? Totally fine. I think it was kind of the teacher to be concerned, but she took it too far in my opinion."
A few people thought the teacher had a point.
"My parents called me the same (chubby) but in our language," one commenter shared. "And I actually hated it. Because I knew d–n well what it meant. And I was never fat or chubby at all — still had an eating disorder and some other issues because of this 'nickname.'"
"While you may didn't intend to hurt your daughter — just calling her bird or bird[y] should be enough, don't you think so?" the person added.
"If your daughter is overweight and now her classmates tease her for her mom calling her chubby then yes You're The A–hole," a second commenter agreed. "That teacher only cares about your daughter not being bullied and sees you as bullying her for calling her chubby because unfortunately kids are cruel and although it’s an affectionate nickname to you, it’s not to most children."
We can see how going forward this might not be a nickname that will serve her in the long run. All in all, both the OP and the teacher have good intentions. It might be good for both of them to remember that.
These stories are based on posts found on Reddit. Reddit is a user-generated social news aggregation, web content rating, and discussion website where registered members submit content to the site and can up- or down-vote the content. The accuracy and authenticity of each story cannot be confirmed by our staff.
