There is nothing quite like the trauma of an unwanted pregnancy. Having the ability to choose can be a life-altering decision for woman, as it can be when the choice is "taken away" from them. For one woman on Reddit, it's led to a nightmare-inducing trauma and an unbelievably uncomfortable situation.
"I have always known I never wanted to have children, even as a little girl," she begins her story.
But when she became pregnant, much to her dismay, she found it was too late to have an abortion according to her country of origin's laws. And while she sought to go abroad, it was ultimately an impossibility and she was unable to get one done.
"Even the idea of pregnancy grosses me out, and I tried to survive by pretending it wasn't real," she admitted.
So with the support of her then boyfriend and parents, she hid the pregnancy from her classmates and graduated. She feigned a "sabbatical" of her "traveling" and finished out her pregnancy.
"The actual birth was 100% horror fuel to me, and I had nightmares for years," she said.
The adoption was handled through an official agency and was meant to be a closed one. She knew nothing, except that it was a healthy girl and that they gave her to adoptive parents in another city.
The woman and her boyfriend actually went on to have a happy, healthy, and child-free marriage.
"Yet last week I got a phone call from a young woman who knew my name and claimed to be my biological daughter," she revealed, "I was honestly shocked, because the adoption was supposed to be closed. I know there have been activist groups in the last few years who want to open up the records, but as far as I know, it's still not legal. The other option is that someone did their own research or some nurse somewhere talked, I suppose. My number is the same as it was then, so it could have been on my medical records."
The woman awkwardly said she must have had the wrong number, and hung up, but shortly received a text with the bio daughter's email address in case she changed her mind.
Now the woman is facing a conundrum: She knows she doesn't want to be in the daughter's life, but is it wrong for her to simply ignore her?
"Honestly? I don't feel like raking this up," she admitted. "Even if it's just because she wants to know the circumstances of her birth. It's no 'we loved you but we were poor' story. It's literally 'I gave birth because abortion was not an option and I'm still traumatized about that.' I feel like that's a terrible thing to tell to someone, and whatever romanticized idea she has of this is probably better than that."
Redditors noted there was nothing wrong with her not wanting contact. However they urged the woman to consider whyshe's getting approached now.
"You do not have an obligation to have a relationship with this adult child, You made a decision you were happy with and you have a right to maintain boundaries about your adult life. Your duty is done. The only exception to this rule might be if a biological child requested relevant information on family/genetic health issues."
Others thought it was best for the woman to just be honest with the daughter.
"That being said… you could just tell her some of this on an email, maybe from some account you only use for spam, and explain briefly that you don't want a relationship," one person suggested. "It might hurt her a bit when she reads it, but it could also give you both a chance at closure."
Another noted she could provide information upfront to make sure no further unnecessary contact ensued.
"Adding in any medical history from your family that you know of might be good thing too. It's something a lot of adopted people wish they knew."
All in all we hope that whatever end this comes to that both parties can gain closure from it.
These stories are based on posts found on Reddit. Reddit is a user-generated social news aggregation, web content rating, and discussion website where registered members submit content to the site and can up- or down-vote the content. The accuracy and authenticity of each story cannot be confirmed by our staff.
