Having tough in-laws can put a serious strain on a marriage, but many partners are willing to suck it up for their spouses' sake. However, once children enter the picture, the ground rules change.
And for one new dad, he is ready to go to extreme measures after his in-laws have been consistently cruel to his wife who gave birth recently.
As the only daughter in a family of three children, the new dad says his wife was always subject to bias and sexism.
"Before it would be little things, her parents would give brothers new things and give her their old ones," he noted. "Or if they had tickets to any event they would give them to brothers. My wife didn't mind and could overlook it."
However, with his wife becoming a mother recently, the husband's tolerance for these microaggressions changed.
"When my wife is trying to eat meals, they'll say stuff like 'now that the baby is born, you cant still use her for an excuse as to why you're fat,'" he noted. "My wife is not close to fat at all, and their comments are making her diet when she doesn't need to. Or if my wife is tired they say stuff like 'wow you can't even handle 1 child, maybe if you pushed yourself to be a better mom, you wouldn't need to call your parents to bail you out.' We have never called them to come over, they just come over."
The in-laws even commented on their living situation. As the husband and wife had the means for her to be a stay at home mom for a little while, she decided to take the time to do it. And when the new dad was able to buy her a new car, he bought her a Lexus because it was top rated for safety.
"My MIL said 'wow isn't it nice your husband treats you like a trophy wife when you aren't even a trophy.'"
The dad went on to say that they never say this kind of stuff in front of him, but he's overheard them say these things.
He's even caught them through the baby monitor verbally abusing his wife.
"I want them to stop and I would like to talk to them but my wife doesn't want to start any 'drama,'" he wrote. "But this is OUR house and I hate the energy they bring inside of it, and the way they make my wife feel. After they leave she's always down, she's less happy, she isn't as fun."
Honestly, the dad is about to go over his wife's head.
Even though his wife knows it is wrong and has sought therapy for it, she is having a hard time just cutting the cord.
"I cannot raise a family with the energy they bring into our house, its toxic," the dad stated. "My sister told me that I would be overstepping, and that this should be agreed on by my wife. But I feel like my wife is trapped in an abusive relationship and she can't control things. I think its my place as her husband to step in and put a stop to this behavior. It wouldn't be a permanent ban, just temporary until they are able to apologize and act polite in our house."
So he wants to know — should he "overstep" in this situation?
Most thought the dad had every right to set those limits with the abusive in-laws.
"Hard to 'stir up drama' when it's dumped on your front doorstep," wrote one reader. "That behavior is unacceptable and you would be entirely in the right to call it out. I mean if anything that house is also half yours as part of the whole marriage thing right? As such you at least have the right to not welcome such absolute toxicity into your home.
"Now of course you do need to somewhat honor your wife's wishes so I would fully warn her before hand," the person continued. "But even still like, 'Sorry honey but I'm putting my foot down on you being called fat and useless. Sorry if that somehow offends you.' I'm just dumbfounded here but yes. Lay down some smack and let them know that in that house folks respect each other. You absolutely [do] NOT need your children being possibly exposed to that as well. Family doesn't mean you put up with being treated like trash."
Some thought giving the in-laws a fair warning before fully banning them might be a good first step.
"Calmly tell them that the way they talk to your wife is unacceptable and if it doesn't stop, they will not be welcome in your home," one user suggested.
Others noted that it is necessary to do this, at least for the kid's sake.
"They like the easy prey and right now that prey is his wife and eventually it will be their child," warned one reader."They will say baby is too young to understand but children are empathetic even before they can talk. They will recognize that their mother is hurt. And when will the line be drawn … when baby is one? Two? Three?
"It just wont happen because Mom is too used to the mental abuse," the reader continued. "Sometimes having someone else have your back give courage. They squashed her spirit. His wife needs to recognize they will do the same to her child because they can and need to be checked."
