Divorce is a complicated situation by itself, but when kids are involved the lines get even more blurry. Although everyone should be working to keep kids feeling safe and loved and cared for, sometimes the adults involved aren't "capable" of doing that. And sometimes it's even more complicated than that.
One mom is dealing with a truly complicated situation involving her ex, his mistress turned wife turned soon to be ex, and their respective daughters.
After she found her husband had cheated with said woman, they got divorced, and her ex went on to have a baby with his new wife.
"Well it's some years past that point, and surprise surprise, he's done it again," she wrote. "He and his wife are getting a divorce, and he's probably going to marry his new affair partner within the next 6 months if he follows the pattern. More power to him and his penis, I literally do not care what he does with his life anymore."
However, she was pretty put off when his current wife reached out.
The woman called her "basically crying about what happened, how she couldn't believe it."
But what was the most shocking was when she suggested that they were now "in the same camp" and asked her to maintain a relationship with her so their daughters can still be in each other's lives and so that they could commiserate over there "shared" losses.
This about set the mom over the edge.
"I told her to take a hike, and that if our mutual ex wanted our daughters to hang out, I was more than happy to schedule his visitation at the same time as hers so the girls could be together with their father, but that there was no way I was setting up sleepovers and playdates with her. I'm not bitter about it anymore, I'm remarried, etc. But I just want nothing to do with her. Haven't since the affair."
The ex-mistress started crying more, and for all the wrong reasons.
"She about lost it, crying even more about 'how I would keep our girls apart because we both know ex-husband barely keeps up with his visitation,' blah blah, and how he gets when he's in a new relationship," she wrote.
"Yes, NOW we both know. But before only I knew, and she didn't seem too sympathetic about my end. She brought up how when she started up with my ex, she didn't know he was married, so I shouldn't hold it against her, and he's the one who cheated, not her. But I really don't care about any of that."
The mom noted her daughter only saw her dad about 8 to 10 times per year. Out of those visits, her half-sibling was there about half of them.
"This is likely to decrease slightly since he's in a new relationship," the mom suspected. "Assuming the same pattern continues, the girls will probably still see each other at least 3 times a year. A bit in the summer, for one fall holiday, and Father's Day. I have also encouraged her in the past to attend his daughter's birthday parties at least briefly."
And even though her child is close with her mother's daughter with her stepfather, that bond isn't there with the former mistress' child — despite being close in age.
"My daughter is completely indifferent to her half-sister on her dad's side for various reasons," she clarified. "But suffice to say, the indifference isn't new. They don't and have never had a sisterly relationship according to my daughter. She does not have any specific desire to see her (but is presumably fine seeing her while they are both with their father), but if she did want to hang out with her, we'd make it happen."
People were truly offended for this mom.
"She was part of your ex-husbands cheating and comes crying to you when he continues the cycle," one astounded reader replied. "She has no shame. You said the exact thing I was thinking, let them visit but with their dad. You have no obligation to set up visitation between half-siblings."
Although no one necessarily blamed her for not wanting to continue that relationship, some did urge her to do it for the sisters.
"As a child that was born to a somewhat similar situation (my father married my mother after cheating on his first wife with my mother, then later divorced my mother years later)," one reader could relate. "My father's children from his first marriage are my sisters, no question about it. I don't view them as less because they're "half". My mother and my sister's mother obviously didn't get along. However, they were civil enough to each other for our sake.
"They recognized we were siblings, and wanted us to have a relationship," the person continued. "They didn't call each other up to chat, but, my sister's mother was fine having my brother and me over to spend time with our sisters. I will always respect her for that, as I'm sure it wasn't easy. Still though, the children have done nothing wrong, and should be able to have a relationship with each other."
A few folks responded that it was the father's place to facilitate that relationship, not the moms in question. One thing everyone agreed on was to follow her child's lead with the relationship to her half-sister, and if she wanted to be closer, mom should make that happen.
Ultimately, this mama has to do what is right for her and her daughter, and we're sure she'll continue to do that regularly.
