Choosing to be a surrogate is a major decision that requires a lot of communication and trust. It seems one woman on Reddit felt she had it with three friends who she carried babies for. But when her twin sister assumed she would be her surrogate, the original poster (OP) opted to say no, and she's turning to the Reddit community to ask if she's wrong for doing so.
The OP noted that she's been a surrogate for three friends and their partners and started her own family along the way.
"Surrogacy is something I found very fulfilling," she shared. "Two of them were for same sex couples, and the other was just for a friend who wanted to embrace parenthood on her own. In every pregnancy I've had, I've asked for just hospital visits covered and maybe some odd cravings delivered to me at 3 a.m.
"All my friends have gone above and beyond helping me through all my pregnancies, and I've been involved in their new lives and the children I've given birth to since day one. I will admit it's hard at times to let go of them since they have been with me for 9 months, but seeing their parents ecstatic just makes it all go away."
A month ago, the OP got a call from her twin sister who has been married for 10 years.
"It's obvious to everyone in the family that I've apparently absorbed all the fertility out of her when we were on the womb," the OP wrote. "Me and my sister have never gotten along for some odd reason, and we barely ever talk now. We were never overly bitter at each other; we were always just interested in different things growing up."
The OP said her sister dove right into the subject and told her that she and her husband have "finally decided" that the OP would be their surrogate.
"Now I'm taken aback by how straightforward this was, since I've heard nothing about this from anyone," the Redditor explained. "I just tell her I can't since I've already decided I wouldn't have any more kids, and that's when the whole mess starts. She asks me if it's not some sort of business I've started to help me and my family financially."
The OP wrote that her twin got upset and demanded why she would "rather have kids for other people."
"I ask why she can't just adopt or have someone else be their surrogate, and she says she and her husband have decided that having the child be more ‘biologically’ close to them would be best," the OP recalled.
They ended the conversation on a bitter, abrupt note, and for the next month, the OP said she experienced "hell from all sides."
"My dad calls and asks me why I would rather have other men ‘have at me’ then help my own sister fulfill her dream of having a family," the OP wrote. "My mom calls me crying and demands to know why I love my friends more than my own sister. The real f—ing kicker is when my brother-in-law's MOTHER calls me and basically guilt trips me by saying that their whole family has had trouble with fertility, and their only wish is to see their son be happy."
The bottom line for the Redditor is that she feels "extremely guilty" and is second-guessing herself, even though her husband reassured her that "enough is enough." She turned it over to the community to ask if she's wrong for not kowtowing to her family's abusive behavior.
Redditors resoundingly echoed the OP's husband.
"You're tired of carrying children," wrote one commenter. "It takes a toll to carry a child for 9 months. Your sister should have asked when you were actively doing it. She's not entitled to your uterus, and you're not the only uterus in town."
Another noted, "They 'decided' you'd be the surrogate? Who even does that? They're the ones who assumed you'd do it without even bringing it up to you beforehand, and your family is acting atrociously for trying to guilt you into it."
A third pointed out, "Even with previous pregnancies having gone all okay, it doesn't mean it's not a risk. Pregnancy is DANGEROUS, and for anyone to act so entitled to your body is disgusting. Perhaps direct members of your family to this thread so they can read the not the a–hole comments. Maybe it'll give them a wake-up call."
Some people suggested that the OP consider donating eggs versus being the surrogate.
Later in the thread she agreed that donating eggs was something she would consider but assumes her sister won't be into it. "I'm completely down for it, although I doubt my sister will be calling me anytime soon, I'll keep a mental note of it," the OP wrote.
Ultimately, this seems like a case for the OP to trust her intuition and listen to her body. And it seems like in addition to putting a stop to future pregnancies, she'd do well to set boundaries around dealing with her toxic family.
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