Losing a child impacts the entire family — there's no denying that. But no matter how hard it is for anyone, it is important to always stay respectful of the mourning parents' boundaries. Yes, even if you are the child's grandparent.
Apparently one MIL didn't get this memo, because she stole her beloved grandson's ashes from one grieving mom's house.
The mom explains that they lost her 7-year-old son just over a year ago, and everyone was devastated.
"MIL was pretty close with him, she babysat him for me while I worked, until he died, the mom acknowledged in her post on Reddit. "I felt more comfortable leaving him with her as she was a nurse (he was born at 24 weeks and had Cerebral Palsy & was generally medically fragile). MIL and I aren't too close, at first she didn't like me but seemed to warm up once SO and I had kids. She still babysits for us when needed, which is less often these days."
When their son was cremated, the MIL suggested dividing up his ashes into three urns: one for mom, one for her, and one for the other grandparents.
"Obviously that did NOT go down well with me and I said no," the mom wrote. "She seemed to admit it was a bad idea and didn't mention it again. For Mother's Day this year we planned on getting MIL and my mom a necklace with some of his ashes in, which she knew about as she'd been asking for one. We were up for it (I fancied one myself so was going to get us all one) but with COVID and everything, we never got around to doing it, which she seemed pretty irritated by at the time but never mentioned it again and thanked us for the other gift we sent her."
However, after her MIL came over to babysit her daughter, she noticed something was off.
"Today I was cleaning and while I was cleaning the shelf that we have for our son for some of his things (pictures, trophies from baseball, ornaments etc), I noticed his urn was gone," she wrote.
"Naturally I freaked out, asked my daughter if she'd moved it even though she can't reach. It has NEVER Been moved in the time it's been there. S.O. also had no clue and was as worried as me. MIL is the only other person that has been in the house so I called her."
Her MIL made an upfront and disturbing confession right away.
"She owned up to it right away and explained she took them so she can 'spend some time with him' and get the ashes sent off for her gift because she was disheartened that I didn't get it sorted in time for Mother's Day," she wrote.
"She hid the urn in her bag so I wouldn't notice, and took it home. I told her she was completely out of order and demanded she bring the ashes back as I did not give her permission to STEAL HIS ASHES from his house and his family, but she said as his Grandma she has every right to 'have him for a while…' Even if she'd asked I probably would have said no but I'm in complete shock that she would just TAKE him like that?!?"
She also noted that her MIL was fairly dismissive of her concerns.
"She says she will bring his urn back tomorrow and told me not to be angry about it because what's done is done but every time I think about it I get so angry… I'm so worried now that she won't even bring him back."
People assured her that she was in no way overreacting.
"A lot of people treat family members stealing from them as something forgivable and something that should be handled by the family before the law gets brought it," wrote one reader.
The person continued, "And I would agree with that if it was something small and easily replaceable or not worth a lot. However, she stole something that's expensive not only in terms of money but also in terms of emotions. And she knew it. On top of that, she shows no regret and even seems to know that what she did was wrong. She violated your trust and is in no way remorseful."
The mom actually updated the post and said that it escalated even more.
Her husband went over to his mother's house and demanded she give back the ashes.
"He says he told her to hand the urn over or he'll call the police, to which she rolled her eyes and said one night wouldn't make any difference, but she handed the urn back to my husband," the mom wrote.
"When he told her that I wanted to file a police report she apparently kicked off and got defensive and said I was just being ridiculous, no crime had been committed and the police won't care about some ashes when they have more important things to worry about," she added. "SO was pretty shocked by how flippantly she spoke about it all (I think maybe he thought I was exaggerating how much of an [expletive] she was being about it) so now agrees that we should file a police report so we plan to. I'm not sure yet if I want to press charges."
She also added that they put up some firm boundaries.
"Oh, he also told her that if she comes over uninvited we will call the police as she is not allowed in our home. At least while we try to deal with what she did, and she won't be around our daughter until that happens, if it does," the mom wrote.
"Personally I don't trust her anymore. I don't know if she tampered with the ashes. The urn opens easily and the ashes are in a bag but it's only tied shut with an elastic band so she could've taken some. It doesn't look like there's much taken though if she has because the contents look the same from what I remember (it has been about 10 months since I last saw them though. I don't look.) Maybe I'm just exhausted about the whole thing and sad but I don't care about that right now. I will eventually."
Here's to hoping this mom can get some closure around this and can move on in a positive way for herself and her family.
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