CW: This article mentioned child loss.
Naming your child after a loved one who died is beautiful way to honor that child, but one soon-to-be grandmother is worried that her daughter is taking things a little too far. According to a post the grandma wrote on the r/relationships forum, her daughter wants to name her baby after the daughter she had who passed away. The whole family thinks this is a bad idea, and now the grandmother is looking for advice on how to get her daughter to see reason.
As the soon-to-be grandmother explains, her daughter is 5 months pregnant with her second child.
Her first child was born when she was 15 "and she was her pride and joy," the woman wrote in her post.
"Less than two years after the birth of my first grandbaby, my daughter was involved in a car accident caused by a reckless driver drifting over several lanes," she wrote. Her daughter survived the crash, but her grandchild was killed.
It was a devastating loss to the whole family, and her daughter was understandably depressed.
She was even treated for her depression and finished the rest of her education at home.
"She and her first baby's father no longer speak to each other," the woman continued. "She's improved significantly over the years. She still misses our little angel everyday, but she's moved forward."
Now she's 22, pregnant with her second child, and is over the moon.
"She and her fiancé will make great parents in my opinion, but over the last few weeks my daughter has said some alarming things," she wrote.
After finding out her baby was going to be a girl, her daughter told her that "it's like having a second chance and her first daughter was still with her."
Then she told her mother about her brilliant idea for a baby name.
She wants to combine her dead daughter's first and middle name into a hyphenated first name for her unborn child.
Truthfully, no one is in support of this idea.
Not her daughter's fiancé, not her dad, not her siblings, and not her mother.
"The new baby should have her own identity," the poster reasoned. "I don't think a middle name honoring our lost baby girl would be bad, but not her whole name."
Her daughter is stubborn and doesn't understand why no one likes her plan.
That is why the grandmother-to-be has turned to Reddit for a "fresh set of eyes" to help her see if she's being "unreasonable or not."
Some people agreed -- this was a bad idea for many reasons.
"I was named after my deceased sister," one person shared. "I wish I wasn't. I wish my parents would have sought out therapy before having more kids."
Another person thought talking with a counselor might be a good idea for the expecting mom, writing this:
"Quite frankly it sounds like she needs some very intensive therapy. Having a baby at 15, losing a toddler at 17, then getting married fairly young and having a 'replacement' daughter at 22…none of this is healthy. Grief therapy is great but she needs more support than that can offer."
"The name thing is not a good idea. It would be hard on the second child to feel like a 'replacement,'" another commenter agreed.
A few people thought the grandmother should just stay out of things.
"Nah, mind your own business ma," one commenter advised.
"You're not wrong however this is for her and her fiancé to sort out. You're butting in," a second person agreed.
A third person had a strong opinion about the issue.
"It is none of your business what she names her child, why does everyone think their opinion somehow overrides another person?" the person wrote. "It is between her and her fiancé, not you, you have absolutely no say whatsoever."
Sure, the grandmother doesn't really have a say in what her daughter names her child, but from the looks of it her fiancé isn't thrilled with the name either.
Perhaps it is best if her daughter speaks with a counselor while she goes through her second pregnancy — it must be very confusing and scary to have a second child after such a tragic loss so young, and she might need more support than she's letting on.
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