To many people, your baby's gender reveal is one of the biggest parts of your pregnancy — it's another milestone in the long journey to becoming parents. But unlike most gender reveals, 32-year-old Brandon and 35-year-old Love Gwaltney of Akron, Ohio, understand that sometimes your kids need to figure out who they are first and then you can celebrate. Which is why the two wanted to do a gender reveal "do over" with their 17-year-old son, Grey. He was recently ready to announce to friends and family members that he's officially a nonbinary trans-masculine in a series of photos that have since gone viral.
Speaking with CafeMom, stepdad Brandon explains that originally they were going to plan a reveal for Love, who was 19 weeks pregnant in early July.
But as the two, who are already parents to Grey; Brandon's other stepchild, 13-year-old McKaela; and his biological son, 3-year-old Darwin; went over all of the options, they came up with an even better plan.
"What if we did a gender reveal…FOR GREY??? We immediately loved it and began bouncing ideas back and forth," Brandon recalls.
It would be a celebration nearly four years in the making.
Originally, Grey came out to his parents as bisexual years ago, during a baby shower for younger brother Darwin.
"[He] just pulled her aside and, very nonchalantly, was just like, 'Hey, I'm bisexual,'" Brandon explains. He says that both he and his wife have always been open with their kids and Love even studied gender studies and sexuality during her undergraduate degree, which meant she had a good grasp on how fluid gender expression and sexual orientation can be.
As Grey grew up, his understanding of himself changed.
"He started as bisexual, then lesbian, nonbinary, pansexual and finally trans-masculine," Brandon says. Ultimately, he's settled on nonbinary, meaning that for the most part he doesn't identify with either gender indefinitely, but he does feel "masculine 95% of the time." Which is why he also considers himself transgender.
Brandon says that he and his wife were never "nervous" about Grey's changes. "Not any more nervous than other parents are for their kid's well-being, anyway," he adds. "We have always harbored an open, honest relationship with them based on communication and education."
"Grey was still always himself. Same kid, same hobbies, same quirks, just felt differently about himself than you saw from the outside and it took time for him to come to terms with that and decide what it actually meant," Brandon adds.
That included changing how he dressed, looked, and what pronouns he went by.
About two years ago, McKaela cut her hair short, Brandon recalls, and Grey quickly followed suit.
"[It was] a big deal for him because his long red hair had been a staple his entire life," Brandon says. "His family (especially grandparents and his bio-dad's side) always said how great it was and he should never cut it. But, it was clear he really envied short cuts and wanted to try it."
Then Grey started to dress more masculine "occasionally" and six months ago, he began dressing more masculine "almost daily."
"[At] that same time, he began going by Grey and masculine or gender fluid pronouns with all of his friends and his online community," Brandon recalls. The parents wondered if they should also do the same, but Grey was still trying to figure that out for himself.
"It wasn't until about a month ago that we noticed his boyfriend was also now calling him by masculine pronouns and using the term 'boyfriend.' So, at this time we were like, OK is this real now? Do you want us to start doing this?" Brandon continues. But still, Grey wasn't sure.
Once the parents presented the gender reveal idea to Grey, he was ready to make the leap.
"We brought up the idea to him and he originally said he'd think about it," Brandon says. "A week later, he came back to us and said, 'Let's do it.'"
Two days later, on July 11, the parents got a cake, balloons, and a big box for the reveal and asked photographer Sarah McBride to come and document the whole thing as a "a fun way to inform friends and family of a big change in our lives," the dad says.
The parents even made sure the decorations echoed the colors in the nonbinary flag.
Thinking that the announcement would only circulate between their family and friends, they were surprised when their photo shoot went viral on Facebook.Over 52,000 people have shared Grey's story online.
"We wanted to announce that we got it wrong 17 years ago when we told the world we were having a little girl, and named that child McKenzie," Love wrote on their post. "So, we'd like to introduce you to our SON: Grey. He's much like any other 17 year old nerdy boy, stays up way to late gaming, hates showering, and eats too much junk food."
"No, we're not buying him a lifted truck," the mom added. "Yes, we will be buying him some new clothes."
Brandon says that since sharing their story, they've been flooded with messages from other members of the LGBTQ community.
And many parents even messaged Love with "doppelganger" photos of their own kids who look exactly like Grey.
"[It was] fun, but unexpected," Brandon tells us. "Overall though, people have been very supportive and happy to see something so up lifting."
But the stepdad owes the popularity of Grey's story to the fact that it has "a very comforting message, it seemed."
"Something wholesome, I guess, in the middle of a nation/world in turmoil," he explains.
Brandon hopes people will read their story and have more acceptance and understanding of kids on the LGBTQIA+ spectrum.
"Had I not married my wife, or not been gifted with being a stepdad, I may not have ever known or been educated on how in depth the LGBTQ community and education is," Brandon says. "But moreover, how much love and support comes with it."
"All we do and have ever done is listen, communicate and try our best to understand the things we don't," he continues. "And educate ourselves on things we're uneducated on."
"Especially when it affects those closest to us," he says.
