During pregnancy, there are lots of options for tracking all of the different stages of the life-changing experience that is bringing a new life into the world. There are apps that give daily, weekly, or monthly updates, that are perfect for getting crucial information about what fruit or vegetable size the baby can be compared to, as if we all know the difference in size between a kumquat and a plum. There are also books, DVDs, and websites galore stocked with information on every detail of the three trimesters of pregnancy.
All of that info is super helpful, but it's also incomplete considering it really includes anything about the realities of the "4th trimester." As anyone whose ever had a baby can testify, the physical, emotional, and mental changes of pregnancy don't exactly end the day that the baby is born. So let’s get honest about the fact that the fourth trimester (the 12 weeks after childbirth) is real and it can be a lot. Not only are there the physical challenges of recovering from pregnancy and childbirth, there are the emotional and psychological effects of the post-pregnancy hormone fluctuations.
Added to all of that is of course, a brand-new human who has a casual relationship with sleep and a natural ability to cry for several hours a day. It's a sensory overload experience, even for the most experienced moms with the easiest babies. The fourth trimester is no joke, but that doesn’t mean we can’t find some solidarity with other moms who’ve gotten real about this challenging time online!
Division of Labor
A frustrating, and sometimes exhausting, truth about the 4th trimester is that even with the most supportive partner, this stage is more demanding for the new mom than anyone else in the house. It shouldn't feel like someone else getting five hours of sleep in a row is a personal attack, and yet …
What Is Time Even?
The 4th trimester is a stage of life when time kind of loses all meaning. Babies don't know day from night, so moms can lose track of it, too. And when the day starts at 4:15 a.m., lunch at 9:45 a.m. seems like an entirely reasonable idea, right? Especially if that means we get second lunch at noon!
The Target Vacation
While it can feel really safe and cozy to stay home and nest during the first few weeks of the 4th trimester, there is a moment when cabin fever hits and we realize it has been weeks since we've had more than five minutes to ourselves. That first trip to Target by ourselves just hits different, especially if it includes a stop for iced coffee on the way! Roaming the store for an hour without a baby attached to us is basically a vacation in the 4th trimester.
Large & In Charge
Everyone knows that sleep after a baby comes can be a challenge, but let's give a special shout out to the stomach sleepers who are having to figure out how to manage the engorged and often tender breasts that appear when milk starts coming in. We know more than one mama who has wished for detachable boobs — it was us. We are that mama.
So True
One of the most important things for 4th trimester moms to know is that this phase is not the rest of your life! It can feel so overwhelming and exhausting and like maybe the rest of our lives will never be the same again. Thankfully, it will get better, but surviving the mommy zombie phase has to happen first.
Mixed Feelings
During the 4th trimester is when we often realize how easy it is to have completely conflicting feelings all at once. We want to have 30 minutes to ourselves, but we don't want to put the baby down. We want to sleep, but we also can't stop staring at the baby. We want to go back to work where we feel like something other than a milk machine, but the idea of leaving the baby makes us sad.
The Fastest Hour
It's always tempting to imagine that once the baby finally falls asleep, we can get all the things done. Shower! A nap! An actual hot plate of food! But nothing goes faster than the hour a baby is asleep, and it can feel like they are awake again before we even get a chance to decide between a shower or a nap.
Preach It!
Breastfeeding is great. It can be downright magical once everyone involved figures out what they are doing (and nipples stop bleeding) but holy buckets, it is so time-consuming. And when the cluster feed stage happens? Talk about mama overtime!
The Things They Don't Tell Us
Does it get any more real than telling over 400,000 viewers on TikTok that "I thought my butt was broken"? Probably not, which is why we so appreciate Natacha's list of all the 4th trimester things bodies experience that we just don't talk about enough.
Someone Is Crying
Between sleep deprivation (which, as a reminder, is a recognized form of actual torture), shifting hormones, bodily pain, and feeling alllll the emotions, it's safe to say that someone is almost always crying during the 4th trimester. Sometimes it might even be the baby!
We Love Ice Packs
This TikTok should honestly be required viewing for anyone who is planning on a vaginal birth or in the early days of recovery from one. That ice pack is clutch and we need to normalize the fact that the 4th trimester is allllll about the mesh underwear (at least at first).
Moooo!
Introducing the 4th trimester superhero: Captain Wonderpump! While we certainly never advocate for actually mooing at a woman who is pumping, we can't deny the fact that it's hard not to feel a little bit like a dairy cow when hooked up to a breast pump the first few times — or all of them.
4th Trimester Is Real for Celebs, Too
In a lot of ways, childbirth can be the great equalizer among women. No matter how famous or successful someone is, having another human being exit a person's body is going to require recovery! Actress and model Brooklyn Decker breaks it down perfectly and shows that even celebs need more information about the 4th trimester realities.
Let Things Go
For a lot of moms, the 4th trimester is a time that requires letting go: letting go of to-do lists when rest is needed, letting go of having a perfectly clean house, letting go of screen time rules for older siblings, and, letting go of perfection is always a good idea, so we stan the 4th trimester moms who are willing to show the messier sides of life on social media.
All the Things
A short and incomplete list of the things that made us cry during the 4th trimester: the absolute perfection of baby toes, bleeding nipples, worrying that we'd ruined our lives forever, feeling completely overwhelmed by boundless love, being hangry, being tired, being sore, tiny socks, the sound of someone else sleeping, and making the mistake of watching Steel Magnolias. The 4th trimester is a prime time for tears (but it gets better!).
Not Tonight, Dear
Listen, just because a doctor might clear a new mom to resume sexual activities about halfway through the 4th trimester, doesn't mean she has to jump back into it. Some moms are ready and eager to go (we salute our frisky sisters!) and some of us need more time (and sleep) and that's OK, too.
*Disclaimer: The advice on CafeMom.com is not a substitute for consultation with a medical professional or treatment for a specific condition. You should not use this information to diagnose or treat a health problem without consulting a qualified professional. Please contact your health-care provider with questions and concerns.
