Brother Calls Sister’s Pregnancy Announcement ‘Malicious’ After Wife Announced Miscarriage

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Finding out you're expecting a baby can be a mixed bag of reactions. For some people, it's a little scary and a surprise to find out things are about to change. For others, they feel overwhelmed with all the good vibes, and will others may have a mix of a wide range of feels. Pregnancy is a life-changing event, and sometimes expecting parents want to shout it from the rooftop, but they should be sensitive to the feelings of others who may be struggling to get pregnant or recently found out about a miscarriage. One person recently took to Reddit to get the community's feelings on a situation she found herself in when she announced she was pregnant not long after her brother and sister-in-law had a miscarriage.

Sharing to Reddit's AITA community, a pregnant mama (OP) asked for advice on a situation she found herself in.

"So I've never been close to either my brother or his wife (we talk once or twice a year. See each other in person even less). My husband and I found out we were expecting our 2nd right after they announced the pregnancy of their first," the OP wrote. "She's wanted a baby for 10 years, so to let them have their spotlight, we held off on announcing."

Unfortunately, it wasn't long before her sister-in-law shared that she had a miscarriage. "So we put off saying anything even longer. Now that I'm almost out of the first trimester we want to start telling people."

OP was concerned about how her brother and sister-in-law would react to their news.

"Out of respect for them, I didn't want them to find out via social media or through a third party or on a family video call," she explained. "I thought a personal conversation where she could process it on her own was the right call, and I reached out to her directly because I wanted to be upfront and honest."

In hindsight, OP thinks maybe a call would have been better. "I admit maybe a phone call would have been better then a text, but I wanted to really think carefully what I said so I didn't accidentally say something stupid," she admitted.

"I already had anxiety over this, I don't know her all that well, but I wanted to be considerate."

The OP reached out to her sister-in-law through text, hoping to break the news to her in a sensitive way.

"So after a bit of small talk I told her I also had a miscarriage before my 1st, but we were able to have my 1st and now we were expecting," the OP recalled. "I didn't have to tell her I mcd, but I wanted her to know I understood at least a little of what she was going through. You feel like you're broken, and I wanted to show there was hope if they tried again," she wrote.

"I thought she took it well, she said congratulations and that was that."

It turns out, she didn't take it well, according to her brother.

"Well the next day I hear my brother is furious, so I reach out to him," the OP wrote. "He tells me his wife ended up calling him crying, and that my message was just me covering my rear, tactless and bragging."

According to the OP, her brother thinks she should have reached out to him so he could tell his wife, not her.

"I tried to tell him that wasn't my intent, I didn't know the best way to tell her and really wanted to do right by her," she explained. "Telling him to tell her would have been easier for me, but I didn't want her to feel like I was hiding from her. I even apologized for how it landed but I truly had good expectations," she recalled.

"But he's still mad at me. Even though we held off announcing, I told her directly, and tried to be delicate about it, he thinks I was malicious," she wrote.

She then asked the Reddit community if she was in the wrong with this situation.

"NTA," one person wrote. "She was going to find out sooner or later no matter what, and you did your best to try to tell her respectfully and gently. Of course having a miscarriage must be awful and it’s understandable that she’s upset, but it’s not your fault."

Another person commented that nobody was at fault. "You tried to handle it in the way you thought was best and that was considerate of her feelings. It's understandable that she's still going to be upset and react, and it's understandable that her husband wants to defend her when she gets upset," the person wrote. "He didn't handle it the right way by coming at you the way he did, but I think everyone is emotional. At the end of the day, your intentions were pure and you are not an a—–e for that at all."

Another person agreed and noted "that was super considerate to reach out. Also she had a right to be sad and so does he but lashing out at you is not the way to go."

"[H]onestly there was really no way you could’ve done this that wouldn’t have ended in tears on their part," someone else explained. "You did what you could out of respect for them by keeping it private as long as you could and I can understand your reasoning behind doing it via text vs a phone call, I’ve done the same myself when an overly emotional situation may cause me to say the wrong thing over being able to write and rewrite it out to better fit what I’m really wanting to say."

The person continued, "Your brother is lashing out but don’t take it personally, like I said no matter what way you ultimately chose to handle it this probably would’ve been the exact same result. Congrats on the upcoming birth and I hope the remaining trimesters go smoothly and I’m sorry for your brother and sister in law’s loss."