Being a parent is hard whether you are 20 or 40 years old and regardless of gender. Even if you’ve read every single book, blog, and listened to every podcast, parenting is work and there is no magic way to do it. There is also no one right way. The most important thing is to love your child unconditionally, and that’s really the best any kid can hope for. Unfortunately, others often like to sit on the sidelines and provide unsolicited advice when you’re the one doing the work.
One young, single dad is really trying to do his best by his young daughter and encourage her in everything she wants to try or explore. However, his neighbors think he is “brainwashing” his daughter into setting her goals too low because she said she wants to me a housewife when she grows up. The young father is feeling really conflicted about how he’s parenting and is second-guessing himself, so he took his predicament to Reddit.
Parents are supposed to support their kids' dreams, right?
The Original Poster was very upset and afraid he might be actually doing some damage to his daughter, so he turned to Reddit’s AITA community seeking guidance.
“My daughter is at that stage where kids pretend they are grown-ups with jobs. The jobs differ depending on who she meets or sees in the TV," he wrote in his post.
“In the last few months, she wanted to be a teacher, babysitter, truck driver, president, garbage collector, photographer, "knee doctor" (after I injured it), scientist, witch, football steward (Last month, I was watching a football match with her and she asked me why are the people in yellow not watching the game, when I explained they are there to ensure that no one go to the pitch she told me that's what she wants to do when she grows up because they get paid to do nothing lol)."
So far, OP’s tried to play along with every job she wants to do and encourages her to explore each career by buying her the required tools for it if he can afford it. For the steward job, he got her a little vest and made her an official badge. OP said his daughter would stand in silence watching him and after a few minutes demand he pay her.
His little girl also was intrigued by the thought of housewife as a career choice.
“Last Saturday, an old friend of mine paid us a visit, my daughter asked her about her job. My friend replied that she is a housewife. So for the whole afternoon my daughter kept interrogating her," he shared. "After my friend left all my daughter wants to do since then is to be a housewife. She already has three kids that she helps with homework and teach[es] them manners.”
When the neighbors caught wind of the little girl's housewife dreams, they judged.
As OP explained, “Yesterday we were coming back from the grocery store when we met some neighbors, they started talking with her and she told them she just came back from the grocery store to make dinner for her husband and children. They gave me some weird looks and said goodbye.”
A few hours later they knocked on his door. They wanted to have a private discussion with him. Even after he explained what was going on with his little girl, the neighbors proceeded to give the young father a one-hour lecture about how stupid and ignorant he was.
They went so far as to tell him that he should stop encouraging this because he was damaging his daughter. They told him that they aren't in the '60s anymore, and young girls shouldn't dream about being housewives. The neighbors demanded the single dad stop brainwashing his daughter because her subconscious will start “settling” for being a housewife instead of dreaming about bigger things.
Now, the dad can’t sleep a wink from parenting guilt.
“I haven't been able to sleep since then. I had my daughter when I was 19 and now I am 24. Her mom wants nothing to do with her," he wrote. "Every day has been a struggle and most of the time I don't even know if what I am doing is right so the thought of unintentionally hurting my daughter is filling me with guilt.”
We think most parents can agree on a couple things. First, OP is a good dad for encouraging his daughter to follow her dreams no matter where they lead her. Second, good parents often over think, worry, and feel guilty because they love their kids so much and just really want to do what’s best for them.
Redditors have united to support the dad, who is trying his best.
People on Reddit agreed that the neighbors were in the wrong but that OP was doing his best and should keep doing what he’s doing.
This commenter said what everyone else was thinking: “This week it's a housewife, next week could be an astronaut. It doesn't matter. You're not dictating to her, you're just letting her express interest and encouraging it. And hey. She's 5.
The commenter continued, writing this:
"She'll change her mind on what she wants to be when she grows up a million times before she's 18, and then quite possibly end up doing something she'd never thought of anyway, because life's like that. For this alone: 'I try to play along with every job she wants to do and buy her the required tools for it if I could afford it.' You're a fab dad. NTA. Anyone trying to tell you otherwise is.”
Another commenter offered more empathy. “What’s wrong with being a SAHM? Also wanted to say keep up the good work none of us parents know what we’re doing so it sounds like you’re doing it right! I don’t think the possible implications of being a SAHP should matter in this context.
The person went on, writing, "When she said she wants to be a garbage collector you don’t tell her that she’ll probably often smell bad and society will look down on her, or that if she wants to be a teacher she better think of a second job, as well. They’ll find out these things anyways, at this age I think it’s more important to learn that your parents are supportive of your aspirations whatever they might be.”
What’s so wrong with choosing to be a SAHM? Many women choose to shift to part-time work or take some time off from their careers just to be able to stay home with their child for a bit or for the entirety of their childhood. Hopefully this dad now knows there is no one-size-fits-all parenting style.
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