There has been a lot to take in regarding the Kyle Rittenhouse trial. America is not-so-patiently awaiting the decisions of how to try the white, 17-year-old who shot three white men, severely injuring one and killing two of them during the civil unrest following the shooting and paralyzing of Jacob Blake, a Black man, by police in Kenosha, Washington.
Rittenhouse essentially arrived on the streets of Kenosha on August 25, 2020, as a minor with a loaded Smith & Wesson rifle. He considered himself part of a self-appointed task force to "patrol" the streets. Rittenhouse has pleaded not guilty to two counts of homicide and a third attempt at homicide, citing that he was acting in self-defense. The footage from that day seems to paint a picture of a confused minor "responding" to an attack.
The defense has shown videos of his first victim chasing him, his second launching a skateboard at him, and his third approaching him with a handgun. In terms of technicality, it looks like Rittenhouse was simply protecting himself. But in reality, the defense seemingly takes no consideration of the circumstances surrounding and caused by Rittenhouse.
A jury is currently in the process of deciding whether or not Rittenhouse's actions of shooting and killing fellow citizens was a "reasonable" response. The only way we can do that, in my opinion, is aptly assessing the nature of his presence there that day, looking at context and environment to determine if he acted within reason.
While we can all agree that Kyle's actions were his own, as a white mother to a white son, I can't help but think about Kyle's mother's role in all of this.
Wendy Rittenhouse has reacted how I imagine most mothers would for their children: With unwavering loyalty and dedication. And honestly, in some ways, I can empathize. If my son's entire future were on the line, I, too, would feel an urge to see the best in my kid and help him thrive.
But what separates us is that I also cannot make excuses for my son when he makes his own mistakes.
CNN reported that Wendy said on the eve of her son's verdict to Nightly News:
"A lot of people shouldn't have been there," in regards to the nighttime demonstrations her son went to. "He brung that gun for protection, and to this day if he didn't have that gun, my son would've been dead."
And in that simple statement, we immediately have insight into Kyle's mindset. What Wendy and Kyle, whose defense case relies on self-defense, are refusing to acknowledge is his complete and utter lack of accountability — and this is something we white mothers to white sons really need to be aware of.
What I cannot stop thinking about is how Kyle's mother insisted these shootings were the inevitable outcome of an "attack" against her son and not possibly the direct result of her son's actions.
The fact that he showed up to a protest, took it upon himself to, without any authority, act like a Kenosha vigilante, and walked away alive after killing two folks on the public street is dripping in white privilege. And what's worse, it is is being entirely enabled.
The society we live in today permits white men to get away with literal murder, and the behavior of these white men often begins with parents like Wendy Rittenhouse.
As a white mother to a white son, it is my responsibility to acknowledge the privileges he has, and more importantly, make him aware of them as well.
He has privileges in society I do not have as a woman, and that's something we cannot ignore. I have the (admittedly overwhelming at times) task of raising him to be able to confidently go forth into the world and achieve his dreams while simultaneously making sure he is aware of his undeniable advantages.
Watching Kyle Rittenhouse "break down" into tears on the stand while recounting the events that took place in August 2020 was truthfully akin to watching my young son melt down because he was caught and punished for doing something we wasn't suppose to. It felt …hollow. There was legitimate emotion there, but it wasn't the tears of someone who was remorseful for their actions. It was the ones that are more sorry there are consequences to those actions.
I, of course, cannot say for certain he felt no remorse, but I bet he hasn't spent nearly enough time thinking about his role in all of this.
And fellow parents of white children, it is squarely on us to make sure our sons are constantly aware of and responsible for their actions.
I hope and dream my child grows up a successful human being. But his success isn't as important to me as how he gets there. He needs to go into the world knowing that his privileges exist, and that he has a responsibility to make sure that they are used to level out the massively inequitable playing field on which he is a player.
If Kyle Rittenhouse were Black, I can guarantee he would not be on trial … he'd likely be dead and likely it'd be at the hands of local authorities. I'm not making a sweeping generalization at this point, we can point to statistical facts this has happened and continues to. I cannot imagine there was a single Black mother in America who wasn't doubled over in worry that her son wouldn't come home from the protests that erupted across the country in the wake of George Floyd's murder, despite the fact that their child had every right to be there protesting.
Did Wendy once worry that her 17-year-old son loaded himself into a car and drove to Kenosha with a weapon whose sole purpose is to kill? And what exactly got him to the point where he felt empowered enough to do this with seemingly no consequences?
I do not blame Wendy Rittenhouse for the direct actions of her son on August 25, 2020. Kyle, who was just a year away from legal adulthood, made those decisions entirely on his own.
I do, however, blame her for not seeing that she raised a son who felt his attendance at that protest was not draped in entitlement. He went there with all the arrogance and invincibility many young white males exhibit, to the point where his carrying that rifle as akin to a child bringing a wooden sword along to match his Halloween costume. And that sense of entitlement is something that is learned.
I blame the judges and the systems for doing everything in their power to cut a white kid some slack, when time and time again young Black men have lost their lives to an unfair justice system. I blame them for ignoring the reality of these biases, and for denying all accountability.
As white mothers, it is our duty to teach our sons that their actions matter. That their privilege matters. Perhaps if Kyle didn't feel so confident that he could stroll into a hostile situation with a gun with little concern for his own life, he wouldn't have cost two men theirs. Our responsibility to make sure our young men are armed with an awareness of others is the very tip of the iceberg of work we have to do as white parents. And no matter what the outcome of this Rittenhouse trial, it is clear we white mamas still have a lot of work to do.
