
Co-parenting after divorce or a breakup isn't always the easiest situation, but having a positive relationship with your ex certainly helps make it all go more smoothly. That sentiment holds the same when another person enters the child's life such as a stepmother or stepfather. It can complicate things, but as long as all the grownups enter into it with the understanding that they're all just wanting the best for the kids, it can have some benefits.
One mom found herself in the middle of the two after her daughter's ex-stepmom reached out to her.
A mom (OP) took to Reddit's AITA community and shared a situation she's found herself in between herself and her ex-husband.
"My ex and I have a daughter who is 8," she wrote. "When she was 2, my ex left me and ran off with another woman. She was barely legal and he was in his mid thirties," she explained.
The OP explained that the marriage between her ex-husband and his second wife ended last year, and the wife recently contacted her. "She reached out to me and asked to see our daughter because our ex husband wouldn't let her," she wrote.
Unlike her ex-husband, OP was happy to allow her to spend time with their daughter.
"This woman was my daughter's stepmom for 6 years," she wrote, "and my daughter misses her very much and says she doesn't even miss going her dad's house because her stepmom isn't there."
She shared she asked her ex-husband about the situation and he told her "that since she's divorcing him, she's not our daughter's stepmom anymore and he doesn't owe her anything."
"I tried to reason with him but he refused to listen," she wrote.
Instead of allowing her ex to decide, OP and her daughter's stepmom came up with a schedule.
"My daughter's (former?) stepmom and I worked out a schedule where I cancelled her daily after school program and she goes to her stepmom's house instead. This is also a great arrangement for me because I'm saving several hundred dollars a month on childcare and my daughter often comes home from her stepmom's with her homework all done," the OP explained.
"It's a total win-win for me. Honestly it always felt like I was coparenting more with my ex husband's wife than with my ex husband so this doesn't feel that different."
When her ex-husband found out, he was less than happy about the situation.
"Her father is livid about this because I circumvented him but I told him that it's my decision who she sees during my custody time," she explained.
"I already checked with a lawyer about this and he said I'm in the clear since my ex would regularly leave our daughter with her stepmom and there are no allegations of anything shady, but my ex and some of our mutual friends say I'm being unreasonable and petty and poisoning the relationship."
The mom doesn't think she's doing anything wrong, and she asked the community for advice.
"I think it's cruel to cut off our daughter's stepmom just because she's divorcing him. AITA for ignoring my ex's opinion and letting our daughter go to her stepmom's after school?" she asked.
"NTA dude," one person replied. "This is very cool of you. your daughter deserves postiive relationships and u support her which makes u a good person."
A second person agreed the mom's conscience should be clear. "Best wishes to your daughter, her step mother and you. Allowing a peaceful transition during your ex's divorce is the kindest, healthiest way to address this loss in your daughter's life. Your ex should do unmentionable things with a sideways pineapple for not prioritizing what was best for your child. Your daughter was suffering and you could have very easily put the blame on your ex, but you womaned up and fixed the problem for your daughter. You are demonstrating grace, poise and decorum in the face of a loser a–hole ex."
"I’m glad you are able to have a civil relationship with the ex stepmom," replied another Reddit user. "It’s doesn’t sound like she wants time with your daughter solely to spite your ex — so long as that is the case then I’d be all for it. It’s fantastic that she took her parenting seriously enough where she seems to love your daughter and care that your daughter doesn’t have an important figure in her life abruptly disappear."
The person concluded with this: "It is never wrong to have more people in your child’s life who truly care about them and love them."
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