A mom on TikTok has gone viral after sharing that she has to adopt her own son even though she gave birth to him. The North Carolina mom, who shares the account @sam.alyssa on the social media site, says that since she carried her son using her wife’s egg, she is not legally viewed as the biological parent. Now she has to undergo a tedious and demanding process to be legally considered the mother of her son. The mom shared that families like hers aren’t protected in her state, and she encouraged other same-sex couples and parents to review their state's laws.
The video has been viewed more than 500,000 times and has received more than 70,000 likes, with many TikTok users sharing their own stories and calling it a sad and infuriating process.
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She explained why she has to adopt her son even though she gave birth to him, and many agree that it's ridiculous.
The young woman, who is one half of the duo and couple @sam.alyssa on TikTok, starts her video saying, “I am about to adopt my own son, even though I gave birth to him, because families like mine are not protected in this country.”
She continues, explaining why she has to go through these steps. “We currently live in a red state so if we were to lose our rights, I wouldn't be able to do simple things for my son like pick him up from day care, make medical decisions, and that’s just not cool with us,” she says.
The mom shared that she will have to pass a home visit in order to adopt the son she birthed.
She explains what the process looks like for second-parent adoption in North Carolina. “There’s a couple degrading parts to this process. First being the home study,” she says. “You basically have to have someone come into your house and interview you to be able to raise your own child,” she shares.
“Second is the fact that my wife has to give consent for me to adopt our own son, as if I didn’t shove him out of my own body. Not that my wife is gonna have any issue giving consent but because she’s the biological mother they view her as the real mother,” Sam says.
She finishes her video by encouraging other same-sex couples to look into the adoption process. “If you’re a same-sex couple and you’ve got children, I urge you guys to look into it. It just gives you that extra peace of mind in case things were to go south,” she says.
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The adoption process for same-sex couples in North Carolina is arduous.
Sam and Alyssa’s story highlights the challenging process same-sex couples have to go through in that state. Though North Carolina is one of the states that recognizes same-sex marriages, the state also doesn’t allow second-parent adoption for unmarried couples, whether they are same-sex or heterosexual, per the law firm Kurtz & Blum.
And there are additional burdens and hurdles such as the home study. As the birth mother, she has to complete the home study. She is not considered the biological mother because the baby was conceived using her wife’s egg, even though the couple is legally married and she gave birth to their son.
Sam and Alyssa's story shows the need for improvements in the second-parent adoption process for same-sex couples.
TikTok users shared stories of similar difficulties.
In the comments on Sam's video, many other couples and parents described their own frustration with the outdated adoption process. One user commented, “We did the second parent adoption process. The judge required several additional steps, including a written letter from our clinic. Very degrading.”
“Tell me why VA is the exact opposite. Wife is carrying my bio and I have to adopt. Most people don’t know about this. it needs to become visible,” another TikToker wrote.
Another person commented, “why is the USA living in the 1930s again??? this is insane.”
Other TikTokers shared that the process is not so discriminating or difficult in their countries.
“Really sorry to hear this," one person wrote. "My wife and I have a son in the UK and we are both on the birth certificate and feel incredibly grateful for that. Sorry.”
“Gosh it’s the complete opposite here in NZ!! There’s no legal/formal record of our donor – we just filled in the birth cert with two mums!” someone else chimed in.
