By now, we're used to seeing all sorts of pregnancy announcements pop up in our Instagram feeds. In some, a mom-to-be holds up a sonogram photo to spill the big news. In others, she props up a letter board that showcases her due date. And sometimes, she even enlists her other kiddos to make the big announcement for her. Ariel Taylor did all that and more August 31 when she snapped a photo of her 5-year-old daughter announcing her current pregnancy. There was just one twist: The baby isn't theirs to keep.
Taylor is a surrogate, who is due in April.
When she gives birth, she will do so with the full understanding that the little peanut growing inside her will not come home with her. Instead, he or she will head home with two loving parents who are anxiously awaiting their second child.
In her now-viral Instagram post, her daughter Scarlett holds up a letter board that reads: "My mom is pregnant … but it's not ours. Surrogate baby due April 18, 2021."
"There are many things in my life that I am proud of, but being a surrogate is at the top of my list," Taylor explained in the caption. "No matter how you become a parent; surrogacy, donor, step, adopted, foster or naturally, your family is beautiful and you are so deserving of love and happiness."
She's especially proud that her daughter is along for the ride.
"My daughter Scarlett was only 18 months old when I gave birth to surrobabe 'R' and now she will be 6 when I give birth to his little brother or sister next year," continued Taylor, who now lives in London, Ontario, in Canada with her daughter and two stepchildren.
"I am so proud of how loving and caring she is and I hope that by watching me grow these babies for others, it teaches her the many ways families can be created and that every journey to parenthood is beautiful and special. We are so happy for my Intended Parents who have their second baby on the way."
Taylor tells CafeMom that her surrogacy journey first began back in 2015.
"Initially, I just wanted to help people," she says. "I loved being pregnant and wanted to be able to help another couple who wouldn't otherwise be able to have a baby. I didn't really understand my 'why' until I gave birth to my first surrogate baby and was able to see my Intended Mom's face the moment she held her son for the first time."
In an instant, Taylor knew for certain that she'd made the right decision.
"This child that they had wanted and tried to have for so long was finally here," she tells us. "After years of infertility, multiple surgeries, multiple egg retrievals, 8 IVF attempt on their own and finally deciding to use a surrogate, her little boy was finally in her arms."
Watching that exchange of love take place was something she'll never forget.
"It was one of the most beautiful moments I have ever witnessed," Taylor recalls. "I got to watch someone become a mother. It gives me chills just thinking about how special that moment was for her. I am so thankful to be a small part of the journey that brought her son to her. That moment was the reason I continue to do surrogacy. That moment became my 'why.'"
Now, several years later, she is once again carrying a child for the same family — and she couldn't be more excited.
That said, it hasn't always been an easy path.
"I have given birth to two surrogate babies, but I have done three journeys," she shares. "For my very first surrogacy [in 2015], I was matched with an incredible couple local to me who had a child a little bit older then my own. We were so happy when our first transfer was successful and I was pregnant with their daughter. All of our scans looked great and baby was growing and thriving. Unfortunately, at 16 weeks, I experienced an unexplained miscarriage."
The loss left her feeling gutted.
"It was devastating," Taylor recalls. "I took that loss very hard and felt extremely responsible. I had to undergo a D&C, had a hemorrhage afterward, required two blood transfusions and spent just under a week in the hospital."
She describes the entire experience as traumatic — and made worse because she felt unsupported by the hospital staff tending to her. (At one point, a nurse told her she shouldn't be sad because "at least it wasn't your baby.")
"I was heartbroken for these Intended Parents who had lost their daughter," Taylor shares. "She was their last embryo and their last chance to have another child. The loss I felt was complicated as it was a loss for someone else, even though the baby was in my body."
Taylor was determined not to let that be the end of her surrogacy story.
Several rounds of medical testing followed, and six months after the D&C, she was finally approved to begin another pregnancy. That was when she first connected with the couple she is now carrying for again, and after two embryo transfers over the next five months, she became pregnant with their first child, Baby "R," who is 3.
She describes that pregnancy as "magical" and part of what inspired her to keep going.
In 2018, Taylor carried her third surrogate baby for two dads living in California.
Once again, she connected with the couple right away.
"I flew down to visit [Mark and Kevin] a few months before our transfer to meet them and I felt like we were old friends," she tells CafeMom. "Our first transfer was successful and I was pregnant with their son! Again, I had a great pregnancy and Ari was born right before Christmas."
Because the two men were from the US, they had to wait a few weeks for the birth certificate to actually process before they could fly home from Canada. So in the meantime, the couple stayed with Taylor's family until Ari was about a month old. That experience made their connection even stronger.
"It was incredible to witness those first few weeks of bonding between Ari and his daddies," Taylor says. "They were complete naturals and to be invited into those intimate newborn moments was just so beautiful."
During that time, they bonded with Ari while watching documentaries on Netflix, took turns holding the baby, and entertained themselves with visits from Mark and Kevin's family. They even spent Christmas Day together.
"It was a very special time and so surreal to see Ari, this little baby I had carried for the last 9 months, to finally be exactly where he belonged," says Taylor, who adds that Ari will be 2 in December.
Taylor is now 9 weeks into her latest surrogate pregnancy and is once again feeling the love.
The Ontario mom has been chronicling her journey so far on her Instagram account, @carried.with.love, where she's been sharing her story for the last several years. In doing so, she hopes to spread awareness and educate others about the world of surrogacy, which is so often misunderstood.
According to Taylor, there seem to be a lot of misconceptions around assisted reproduction itself, despite being so commonplace nowadays.
"This is part of the reason I started my Instagram page — to educate and explain how surrogacy works from my perspective," she tells us. "So many people are unfamiliar with the basics, like what IVF is or how embryos are created, and I think simple things like educating the general public on the multiple routes to parenthood goes a long way to reduce the negative stigma surrounding assisted reproduction."
Taylor tried to do this by recording her IVF transfer on film and asking the nurse to explain the process as it happened. Then, she shared it on social media.
"I never thought thousands of people would watch me get pregnant, but what a wonderful thing to be able to watch and really understand the process," she shares.
Taylor is also honest about a lot of the questions she often gets asked.
Among the most common? How is she able to deal with the heartbreak of giving away a baby at the end of those nine long months?
To that, she doesn't hesitate to respond.
"My very simple answer is that I'm not giving a baby away, I am giving it back," she tells CafeMom. "The babies I have carried were never mine, even though I was blessed to carry them but they belong with their parents. And to be honest, I don't want someone else's baby. The bond I have with the babies is not a maternal one exactly. It's more like how I would love a niece or nephew or my best friend's child. I care about them and am so happy to meet them, but I don't want to take them home."
Embedded content: https://www.instagram.com/p/B4I7gaNnhRx/
After both of her successful surrogacy pregnancies, she says she never experienced negative feelings afterward or even an inkling of the so-called baby blues.
"I was just so happy to see them finally in their loving parents' arms and I could go home and take a very long nap!" she says, admitting that "birth recovery is a completely different ball game when the baby doesn't go home with you."
"I had time to rest, eat, shower, and recover," Taylor explains. "I think postpartum support is something that more mothers need to be provided with when they take their newborn home, so they can adequately heal and recover as well."
As for how much she gets paid per pregnancy ... ?
Taylor doesn't shy away from answering that one either.
"Many people believe that surrogates get paid hundreds of thousands of dollars, which is untrue," she says. "In Canada, paid surrogacy is actually criminalized, so I am only reimbursed my expenses up to a cap. For a first-time surrogate, that cap is typically between $20,000-25,000 for the entire pregnancy. This covers any and all pregnancy expenses like lost wages, child care, [miles traveled] to and from the clinic or appointments, maternity clothes, medications, comfort measures, extra food, or dietary needs, treatments like acupuncture or chiropractor if needed, and anything else that may be required during the pregnancy."
"The point is that it doesn't cost us anything out of pocket to be a surrogate, but we are certainly not paying off our houses by being one," she adds.
Of course, it helps that Taylor actually *likes* being pregnant.
"I personally enjoy being pregnant very much," she says. "This is my fifth pregnancy, and I typically don't get any morning sickness or a lot of negative symptoms."
Still, Taylor adds that every pregnancy is different and comes with its own set of challenges. She's no stranger to long, difficult labors and some predelivery hospital scares — not to mention a C-section for one delivery that led to a longer recovery.
"As a surrogate, it's important to have a strong support system in place in case anything comes up," she notes.
And luckily, so far she's had all that and more.
To anyone interested in starting the journey themselves, she does offer a bit of advice.
"My advice is the learn as much as you can about the surrogacy and infertility community," Taylor says. "Join Facebook groups, online forums, or follow Instagram accounts like mine or others who share their personal journey to parenthood. This will give you insight into the surrogacy process and allow you to understand and empathize with the reasons some people may need a surrogate."
She also suggests getting to know the lingo, as well as the ins and outs of assisted reproduction processes, to understand the physical demands required.
In the end, if you decide this journey is for you, Taylor says it'll be more than worth the ride.
"I personally think that birth is such a beautiful experience, and as a surrogate, it is taken to a whole new level," she shares. "It's like the final chapter of a really good book that has you on the edge of your seat."
Here's to another great ending for her latest book.
