Many family dynamics can be more complicated than and vastly different from a traditional nuclear family structure. Sometimes, children grow up with more than just one mom and one dad in their lives, and everyone wants a say in that child's life.
When parents separate before a baby is born, it can make these nontraditional parental structures even more complicated. Biological parents may sometimes feel as though an ex's new partner is "overstepping" their place in the child's life.
For example, one soon-to-be dad recently opened up on Reddit about an issue he's facing with his ex-wife and her new girlfriend in terms of their unborn son.
The Reddit user explained that he and his ex-wife split up after she came out.
In his post on Reddit's AITA forum, he shared that although they split up, it was pretty amicable and that they are still great friends. His ex-wife did cheat on him, but he said he understands that it was simply due to her sexuality. His ex had grown up in a very conservative household, and her parents have even cut her off now that she has decided to finally come out.
His ex-wife also happens to be pregnant with their child, which she learned after they had split up.
The man wrote that when they were married, they had discussed baby names and what they wanted to do if they ever got pregnant. If they were to have a son, they wanted to name him after both of their grandfathers. The two decided on the name "Samuel Jacob," which is a combination of the two men's names.
His ex-wife's new girlfriend, however, hates the name.
His ex-wife's new girlfriend, who the former husband doesn't really get along with, has a huge problem with the name Samuel Jacob. Apparently, the girlfriend had a "very abusive ex named Samantha," and she doesn't want the child to share a name with someone like that.
In an update, he added that the girlfriend doesn't want Samuel anywhere in the child's name, so they can't just make it his middle name.
The man lost it when the girlfriend claimed that 'HER child would not have that name.'
The ex-husband said he understands that his wife's girlfriend will have a place in his child's life, but when she insisted that "her child" wouldn't have the name Samuel, he lost it.
"I asked her if I got her pregnant, she of course said no, I asked if she somehow magically got my Ex pregnant, again she said no, I then told her that since she was not the parent of this child and that my Ex and I will give our child the name we want regardless of her opinion," he explained.
Apparently, the girlfriend didn't like that response and went after him.
After he shared what he felt, the girlfriend proceeded to call him homophobic and said that she should have input in the situation. His ex-wife was equally frustrated but said that he does get final say in what they decide to name their child, not her girlfriend.
"This was a few days ago and I haven't spoken to either of them since," he wrote. "I've asked around a few of my friends and have gotten a mixed response when I asked if I was wrong."
Many people online thought that the future dad wasn't wrong in being frustrated with the issue.
Some commenters noted that the girlfriend is inserting herself where she does not belong.
"Firstly she hasn’t really been in a relationship with your ex that long to be asserting herself in these discussions," one person commented. "This isn’t her child and at the most she will be an additional secondary parent but not a primary."
"I think OP needs to have a really serious talk to his Ex about the role of her new gf," someone else wrote. "This isn‘t sounding good and well, his Ex is allowing this behaviour by allowing her gf to call herself a parent and taking her to the 'meetings' they have about the baby."
Others urged him to get a lawyer.
Some commenters noted that a divorce is easy when it's simple and you agree to split up, but when a child is involved and even a second partner, lawyers are important.
"It doesn't have to be antagonistic but it's best to get it written down how time gets split, who pays for what, etc. The details will have to change as the kid grows and goes to school but having a baseline of understanding and talking through all the details will really help," one person wrote.
Another commenter added that this man needs to be given the benefit of the doubt.
Some people said the man is being a good person just by putting up with so much.
"The guy finds out his wife cheated, then that she is only attracted to women (aka: not him), and then that she’s pregnant with his kid?" one person commented. "And he is, for all intents and purposes, super understanding and amicable, to the point of including the new partner (who I’m guessing ex had the affair with) in a conversation about naming HIS kid? Throw the guy a bone, jeez."
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