Picking out what to put on your baby registry isn’t as easy as one thinks. There's clothes, bottles, breast pumps, booties, strollers, — and well, just So. Much. Stuff.
One woman on Reddit wasn’t even really sold on the whole baby registry thing, but she made one at the insistence of her mother-in-law, who promptly went out and bought her a crib. It should have been a nice gesture, but it’s turned out to be totally strange as her MIL has decided it’s “too early” for the mom-to-be to have her crib and is refusing to hand it over.
The original poster and her husband started telling people they were pregnant 'as soon as we found out.'
Including her MIL.
The two started planning their nursery when she was 11 weeks and recently the OP mentioned to her MIL that she was starting to think about a crib.
“I wasn’t looking to buy right then and there but just wanted to start looking,” the OP wrote in her since-deleted post.
But her MIL absolutely freaked — 'she was all up in arms that I was looking so early.'
Her MIL encouraged her to put the crib on her baby registry because it worked out well for her sister-in-law — but the OP was different.
“I really wanted to buy the crib myself. I don’t know why I just did,” she wrote. “And the idea of a baby shower just makes me anxious and I mentioned I didn’t want one.”
The OP was feeling particularly pinched to put the baby registry together — but even that seemed daunting.
'I never know what people want to buy … and so on,' she explained. 'I never really planned on asking people to buy things for my baby.'
Ultimately, OP relented and “put a stupid registry together and put the crib and changing table on there that I wanted.”
She also was about 16 weeks along at that point and her obstetrician “saw no signs of me miscarrying.”
“So I feel confident in my pregnancy and that I’ll have a baby in January,” she wrote. “I choose to be happy and excited about my pregnancy and start painting the nursery with my husband.”
Meanwhile, her MIL and her husband’s aunt wanted to see the registry.
Still early in her pregnancy, OP never thought they’d use the registry so soon, but lo and behold, they ended up buying her both the crib and the changing table almost immediately.
“I was very grateful. I thanked them. I had it set up that everything gets sent to my house,” she recalled. But two weeks later when no packages arrived she grew concerned.
“I asked the MIL if she knew anything,” she wrote. “Apparently she had them sent to her house and they are sitting in her living room.”
Her MIL told her that she really wanted to be there when she put the crib and changing table together.
“It would be so nice to help you guys set it up and come down for a visit,” she was told.
But that story seemed a little fishy to the OP.
“She’s in her 70s and lives three hours away. I’m annoyed but accepted what was being told to me,” the OP added.
Weeks go by, and surprise, surprise, her MIL has made no plans to come down to visit. The OP finally called her husband’s aunt and told her that she thought the whole thing was really weird.
“Well the aunt says, ‘well, you can blame that on me. I thought it was too soon for you to have it,’” she told her.
“Meaning they thought I could have miscarried,” the OP explained.
The OP was furious. When she got off the phone she told her husband, who agreed the whole thing was totally strange.
“I’m grateful for the gift but I’m not grateful they held my baby's crib and changing table hostage,” she explained. “Because they didn’t trust I could handle having a crib in my house if I were to miscarry.”
To add insult to injury, the OP “had a loss about ten years ago that was very traumatic,” she added. “And they both knew about it.”
The OP waited two weeks before saying anything, but finally she texted both her MIL and her husband's aunt and told them that she was upset.
“That they don’t get to make calls like this regarding my family. And that it was a weird thing to do,” she recalled.
Well of course this turned into a good old-fashioned "s— storm" and her MIL was ticked. She told the OP not to get her aunt-in-law involved in these conversations.
Thankfully, the OP's husband is on her side.
“My husband called his mom and expressed that what they did was weird and maybe they shouldn’t have done that. And that she can’t police interactions,” she wrote. “Since then I have gotten an apology from both. But was I in the wrong?”
Some people thought her MIL was just being cautious.
"All families are different with different beliefs and customs," one commenter wrote. "My MIL wouldn’t have our crib delivered till after the baby came home. That is what they believed in. It felt strange as we were excited to get set up and prepared. Families have their customs sometimes different from our own."
"If they thought you might miscarry, it makes no sense they pressured you into setting up a registry so early and then buying items from it," another commenter pointed out. "They could've bought the items further down the line if this was their concern."
"It seems like a superstition thing," another commenter agreed. "Like not announcing pregnancy before 20 weeks etc. It sure seems like an age or cultural thing. Irish here, that kinda thing is baked in. It likely stems from a time when infant mortality was so high that folks didn't want to prep for a child they could have lost."
Other commenters thought her MIL was being controlling.
"Seems like it was a power struggle," one commenter wrote. "If you gave in to this their way, what else could they pull. Good on you for standing your ground."
Someone else wrote: "It’s weird. Working on a nursery a fair way into a pregnancy is physically awkward. But not as weird and awkward as some ninny imposing their old housewife superstitious garbage on you. I’d have bought my own and they could go through the hassle of returning what they bought."
"When people show you who they are believe them," a third person suggested. "MIL and aunt-in-law have just shown you they plan to act in a 'benevolently controlling manner' e.g. push you to put the crib on the registry and then limit your access to it to their terms. Don't ever trust them for anything to do with your child. You can't trust them. They'll use it as an opportunity to play these weird power games."
Thankfully, this story luckily has a happy ending.
"I can finally say at 26 weeks pregnant I finally got the crib and changing table and my nursery is ready for my HEALTHY little girl," OP wrote in an update. More importantly: "I can finally relax."
These stories are based on posts found on Reddit. Reddit is a user-generated social news aggregation, web content rating, and discussion website where registered members submit content to the site and can up- or down-vote the content. The accuracy and authenticity of each story cannot be confirmed by our staff.
