They say that new challenges arise with every new stage in parenthood. During the newborn stage, you may be struggling with a lack of sleep. When they’re toddlers, you have to contend with them stumbling clumsily across the world and potentially endangering themselves along the way. When they first enter school, you might worry about the transition into a more structured environment and new socialization needs. By the time they’re preteens, there are the questions. At this age, kids are inquiring about beliefs, identity, and sex. It’s that last category that had one parent reaching out to the internet for help.
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The mom had limited answers for her daughter's question and wanted to know what others had to say.
Salyna Cole recently shared a thread about her daughter’s somewhat graphic sex question and asked others how they would respond if they were in her position.
“Y’all I was not prepared for the pre-teen seggs convos,” she wrote. “This child asked me what it feels like!”
Cole struggled to answer the question fully. “I could only find age appropriate words for the emotions of it,” she explained. She used words like: “Connected, intimate, close, sharing a moment, spiritually open and connected, love, exciting, passionate.”
But she wanted ideas from others. The responses were a mix of thoughtful and profound to hilarious and outrageous.
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People offered analogies using other body parts.
The first person to respond shared a tactic from their grandmother. “When I was that age my grandma told me to lick my lips and rub them together. That got me to stop asking questions. .” Leave it up to the elders to shut down and unwanted line of questioning.
Another person offered a more practical analogy. “I heard one girl on Instagram describe it to her partner as the welling up of a sneeze (for a person with a vulva) and that it takes its time and builds with more physical activity,” the response read. Cole liked this one and felt it was enough for her daughter to feel informed without getting too deep into the weeds.
'The most important thing IMO is that it should feel good,' one user offered.
Other people discussed the more emotional side of things.
“What I wasn't prepared for was the sheer strength of feelings,” another Threads user shared. “There have been times where there has just been so many strong feelings all around that I would cry.” Cole said she was adding this response to the list so her daughter understood the importance of picking partners with whom she feels safe and comfortable.
Someone else reiterated the safety part while focusing on the physical aspect of sex. “The most important thing IMO is that it should feel good and if it hurts that means something is wrong. Because some of us from earlier generations didn’t know that and thought it was normal for it to hurt.”
'If it’s uncomfortable or hurts or feels weird, your body is trying to tell you something not right,' a teacher shared.
An actual middle school teacher weighed in on the topic as well. “A good connection to make is to other satisfying physical sensations — scratching an itch you’ve been needing to, stretching when you’ve sat too long, relaxing into a hug from someone you love,” she wrote. “Not that it should feel like those things, but that you should get the same sense of satisfaction and pleasure that you get from those. And if you aren’t — if it’s uncomfortable or hurts or feels weird — your body is trying to tell you something not right.”
Many agreed it was great Cole's daughter felt comfortable enough to even ask.
At the end of the day, while the conversation might be cringey and uncomfortable, many users shared that it was amazing that her child considered her open enough to be a safe space. Because Lord knows, children seeking these types of answers from their peers could lead to all types of misinformation and mayhem.
“Kind of the things I wish someone told me as a tween,” another user shared. “I went looking for answers in all the wrong places.”
