The moment your baby is born should be the happiest time of your life. Not only do you finally get to meet your child, but if you have a partner, you are solidifying your family, changing its shape and strengthening the bond. In theory. Or you could be like one man on Reddit, who was mortified and crushed when his fiancée was giving birth and yelled out for another man.
The new dad explained that the two had a real whirlwind romance before she got pregnant.
In fact, they only dated for eight months before his fiancée got pregnant and the Original Poster proposed, he explained in a post on Reddit's Am I the A–hole forum.
“We both agreed on getting married after our baby is born,” he explained. “She was introduced to my family who welcomed her and took care of her and she started spending time with them.”
While they were dating ,the OP learned that his fiancée was engaged before he came along.
She and her former fiancé were engaged for four years before he became sick and passed away, but it seems like his fiancée isn’t quite over it.
“She told me she had recurrent dreams about him,” he wrote. “I wasn't upset because no one controls what they see in their dreams, but sometimes she mumbles his name and visits his grave on his birthdays and still keeps their rings in our house.”
On the ride to the hospital, his fiancée confessed she was “terrified” about giving birth.
And unfortunately, she did end up having a long labor.
“She was feeling so much stress and even cried which made it more difficult,” he recalled. Luckily, his fiancée’s mother was there, and together they tried to keep her calm and focused.
“She suddenly started screaming, first she yelled her deceased dad's name, then let go of my hand and started yelling out her deceased fiancé's name and just continued to yell that name at the top of her lungs,” he recalled.
The OP was stunned and had no idea how to act.
Things got really embarrassing when a nurse came over and called him by her dead fiancé’s first name.
“I was so embarrassed for having to correct her as she looked confused,” he remembered.
He went back to trying to calm his fiancée down, “but she continued to call his name so I just walked out and told her mom to go be with her,” he wrote. “I felt absolutely awful, I sat outside, I was literally shaking.”
After his son was born, the OP went back into the delivery room to meet him.
His fiancée was steaming when he went back in, however. She started “berating” him for walking out on her “and told me that what I did was unacceptable.”
“I told her why [I left] but she completely avoided this and tried to say that it didn't matter and that I was being ridiculous while she was feeling pain,” he recalled. “We argued about it and she brought up that she called out the names of the two most important people in her life then went into the bedroom leaving me feeling awful and guilty.”
Now his fiancée is staying with her mother and is “accepting an apology,” but the OP is sort of conflicted about the whole mess.
A LOT of people thought this was a red flag.
"Man they’ve been dating for 8 months and already having a baby. She’s obviously not over her ex," one person wrote in the comments. "This relationship is not going to work out and marriage is not about to fix anything."
Another person agreed. "Yeah it’s pretty telling that the fiancé isn’t on the list but her deceased ex is. Normally I’d say you are but these … are not normal circumstances."
A third person put it this way:
"Your. Fiance. Is. So. Wrong. She's projecting some serious guilt onto you and do not take that crap. She has the unmitigated gall to be upset at you and has taken no responsibility for what she did/said.
OP, you need to slow your roll on the wedding. Your fiance is not over her ex. At best you are a place holder. At worst, a sperm donor. You had no way of knowing before the delivery date that she was this damaged. You know now. Tread carefully."
A few people thought the OP could be a bit more understanding.
"Her fiancé died. Her not being over that is not a surprise, or something to fault her for," one commenter wrote. "OP is being ridiculous for feeling threatened that she visits her dead Ex's grave and still has their rings. He should be supportive of that if he wants to be with her since it's not unlikely that she'll never get over it."
"I’m surprised I haven’t read anything about addressing her serious grief problem," another commenter wrote. "She might be suffering from prolonged grief which could be warping her perception and ability to prioritise things clearly or process emotions healthily. You are not enough for her to move on from this; she’ll need to address this internally and she needs guidance from someone experienced in this field."
A third person agreed that grief is the issue. "A deceased partner is not an ex. She needs therapy, but expecting her to be over her dead fiance in the same way you would be over an ex and calling him an ex is unreasonable. It is different."
The OP can’t stop feeling like this has caused a bigger rift than he imagined.
His fiancée refuses to leave her mom’s house, even though the OP wants to see his son.
“I don't know if I should be saying this but I think that she's punishing me by taking my son and refusing to stay [with me],” he wrote.
His fiancée told him that he needs to respect her wishes of cooling off at her mom’s house.
“I don't know if I was pressuring her but she just won't let go of what happened and keeps blaming me,” he wrote.
The OP should probably take note of some of the good suggestions in the comments. There’s a chance they might be able to work through this, but it will take a lot of patience and talking things out, most likely with a therapist, if they are going to make it work.
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