There's no easy playbook when it comes to divorce. It can be brutal, and some people (understandably) spiral after such a traumatic event. However, one mom shared on Reddit that her sister's spiral after divorce is impacting her — because she expects her to parent her toddler for her.
The mom began by explaining that her sister's nasty divorce happened a few months back.
"She’s temporarily living in my house, along with my husband (29m), our 3 year old kid and myself (29f)," she added. "Jane did not handle the divorce well and she’s been depressed ever since. She goes to therapy regularly (online) and takes her prescribed meds."
So it isn't like her sister isn't working on her mental health.
After a bit of time, however, things started to shift for the worst.
"Initially, that is, when she first arrived, she asked me to help with her son (1 year old) since she was a first time mother and obviously going through something traumatic," she further explained.
"I was more than happy to do so. I feel like she was actually doing better back then, since she was doing all the things a mother does and I just helped out here and there. Now, it’s been four months, and it feels like I’m the one who’s the mother of the baby and she’s the helper," she wrote.
The mom says that she and her husband are essentially parenting their nephew and that her sister doesn't even try anymore.
"She plays with her son for like 15 minutes and then hands him over to me," the mom claimed. "The main problem isn’t that I can’t take care of two kids, I can and my husband helps a lot too, but I don’t think it’s healthy for a baby to not be close to his mom. I’ve tried bringing this up with Jane but she shuts me down saying she needs time to herself."
It all came to a head when the mom found herself split between her child and her sister's.
"My 3 year old was crying and that made her son cry too and I asked her to tend to her son," she wrote.
"She refused and it led to an argument. I said that I understand her state of mind but she needs to step up because her child needs her. She said that I didn’t know s–t about mental health and that I don’t know what she’s going through. I told her that maybe she should consider changing her therapist if this one’s not helping but she got mad and said that she’s been seeing this therapist for years, for other unrelated reasons, and she trusts him."
Now she wants to know if she crossed a line with her sister.
People were empathetic toward the sister but ultimately backed up the mom.
"Depression is hard, and I feel for her," one reader wrote. "But there comes a point where, as an adult, you have to decide what consequences you can and cannot live with. Im curious what she would do in this scenario were she an only child. The point is, there’s a baby at risk here, someone who cant take care of themselves. I understand not wanting to change treatment styles, but ultimately, this child is taking the brunt of her actions and you, as her sibling, have been tossed into the middle, and NO therapist worth their salt would say this is the way to handle it."
Others suggested she take a different kind of proactive role.
"She definitely needs help but she can’t abdicate her responsibilities," wrote another user. "You were right to push her about getting back in her son’s life. Perhaps asking her if you could attend one of her therapy sessions so you could explain what’s going on to the therapist would be helpful."
Either way, depression or not, Reddit commenters said it was time for her sister to "come back" for her son's sake.
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