It’s always a little nerve-wracking to leave your kids with a sitter, but we’d be surprised if one mom leaves her kids with a babysitter ever again after the totally weird incident that happened with a family friend. After all, how much would you trust someone who tried to convince your kids that you weren’t their real mom?
The drama started when the 26-year-old mom and her 27-year-old husband were looking for someone to watch their kids while they were at work.
They’d been using babysitters to watch their kids, ages 4 and 3, but the Original Poster’s mother-in-law recently suggested they use her friend instead — plus, she’d work for free.
“I told her it wasn’t necessary since we could afford a babysitter just fine, but she insisted,” the OP wrote on the Am I the Asshole forum.
The OP didn’t see the harm in it, so she gave her MIL the go-ahead.
“Everything was perfect for the first few months, she was always on time and always fed my kids and put them to bed at the time I suggested,” the OP wrote.
And to boot — her kids really seem to like her as a sitter. But a recent incident has her completely rethinking the whole arrangement.
“About a few weeks ago my oldest came to me and asked me if I was their real mommy. I was confused, and asked her what she meant,” the OP wrote.
It turned out that her MIL’s friend was telling her kids that they were HER babies — not the OP's.
When the kids would protest, ”she would yell at them saying that I was just their money maker and that she was their real mommy,” she wrote.
Wasting no time, the OP’s husband hired a different babysitter and the couple called OP's MIL and told her everything.
“We told her that we weren’t going to have her friend over anymore because it made us uncomfortable,” the OP recalled. “We even told her what my kid had told me.”
Her MIL didn’t take the news well.
“Over the phone she started screaming, saying that quote-unquote ‘my friend doesn’t have any kids or grandchildren, so your kids are the closest things she’s had to it, and you’re going to take that away from her?!’” the OP recalled.
The OP and her husband tried to calm her down but it was a losing battle.
“I received a photo of MIL's friend crying on MIL's couch later that night,” she wrote.
“I feel horrible for making her upset, but I don’t like how she was telling my kids these things,” the OP wrote. “I understand that she doesn’t have kids, but that doesn’t excuse her behavior. But for my peace of mind, AITA?”
Some people think the OP was too hasty in her decision to let her MIL's friend go.
"I think it’s possible that this was simply a misunderstanding," one commenter reasoned. "Children at ages 3 & 4 can’t interpret moods and meaning behind statements. It’s possible that she loves your babies and think it’s the closest she will get to experiences with little children. In other words — perhaps just a figure of speech."
Another commenter didn't think she was being a jerk “but you should have talked to the babysitter about it before firing her through MIL. That part was kind of AH of you," another commenter explained.
Someone else thought everyone in the situation sucks, writing, “that woman is nuts but you get what you pay for," a third commenter added.
But the majority of the comments section agreed — this was a fireable offense.
"If anything you underacted," one commenter noted. "Would your MIL ever help your friend see them? To the point of taking the kids behind your back? I’d take them to a few sessions with a therapist. They were clearly confused and the damage this unhinged woman did can run deeper than you know right now. Kids internalize that kind of stuff."
A second commenter issued a warning: "OP, please install cameras and change your locks if she ever had a key," they wrote. "Also, show the new babysitter pictures of her so she won't show up and pretend to be 'grandma' and take them away from your home."
And another commenter who claimed to be a nanny also chimed in, agreeing that OP wasn't being an asshole, writing this:
"This is giving me major heebie-jeebies. If you keep her, one day you’ll come home to your kids gone. Or at the very least, they’ll end up with a serious complex. Kids need safety and security from their parents, and having someone say you aren’t their real mom when you are will hinder their emotional and mental development."
"Also, I use tons of nicknames for the kids I nanny. And sometimes, yes, I call them my babies. BUT! It’s done in a very innocent sweet way, and I always refer to myself as the nanny. So I’ll say something like 'hello my baby, nanny pretty fly thinks we should go on a walk!' And I always refer to the parents as 'mama' and 'dada.' I love the kids I nanny, but I’m not their mom and would never ever act that way."
Later in the thread, the OP assured commenters that she had the house secured — just in case.
"We already have cameras set around our house!" she wrote. "We both make good money and our house is very much secure! She never had a key as well."
As a parent, only you can decide what's a red flag for your family — even if it means ticking off other people. After all, keeping your kids safe is never an easy business.
