Parents who cook for their kids know that it can be one of the most challenging tasks to do every single day. If you have a picky eater, it can be downright miserable. But as your child grows older, hopefully, they will expand their palate past macaroni and cheese and chicken nuggets. If you're lucky, they will and you can cook things for your entire family rather than being a short-order cook.
A woman posted to Reddit's AITA forum about an interesting situation at her house during mealtime. The original poster, 40, and her daughter Erin, 16, have lived alone since Erin was 10 years old because her dad, Mike, moved away. Now, OP's ex-husband is back in the scene, and Erin has been spending time with him and his wife, Kim.
Erin thinks Kim is a fantastic cook and no longer wants to eat what OP makes for dinner. OP is done with Erin's attitude and told her she can shop and cook for herself from now on. She's now feeling a tad guilty, however, and she turned to Reddit for advice.
OP likes to cook healthy meals for herself and Erin.
OP has taken care of herself and her daughter for a long time as the primary cook in the house. Erin hasn't complained up until this point.
"As I'm the only adult Erin has left I normally cook for both of us (and occasionally for my boyfriend when he is over for dinner). I am not a health freak and mostly try to make filling and nutritional meals with 'cheat meals' once or twice a week. I also try to make meals from different cuisines at least once a week," she explained.
Mike is back in town with his wife, Kim.
Mike and Kim moved back home, so Erin has been spending much more time with them lately. She hangs out for meals and loves the way that Kim cooks.
"Erin kept talking what a good cook Kim is and how tasty her food is. When I have asked her what she is having when she stays she mentioned a lot Asian and Asian inspired dishes which I have no issues with, since I went through a phase of eating a specific cuisine for a few years when I was younger too. So I have tried making more Asian like foods at home to keep Erin happy (ramen, pad Thai, different grilled meats, kimchi etc)," OP explained.
Erin keeps complaining no matter what OP cooks.
Unfortunately for OP, Erin won't let up and has been telling her that she doesn't like anything she cooks. Even Erin's favorites are no longer up to her standards, and OP can't take it anymore.
"I got tired of this and when Erin came back told her that if she doesn't like my cooking she can cook herself and do her own shopping, since she knows how to cook and we have a large supermarket 2 minutes down the road from us. Erin got upset and went to her bedroom to pick her clothes and is currently staying with Mike," she shared.
Now the world has turned on her.
OP is being told by everyone that she is being mean to her daughter. Both Mike and her parents both think she is being unreasonable. They've told OP she "can't keep starving her."
But she contends that she is doing the right thing by making Erin take a bit of responsibility. So she asked Redditors for their help.
Reddit users want to know why Erin is acting so spoiled.
Why is Erin suddenly acting like such a jerk to her mom? She's been taking care of her alone for six years and now this? Redditors call BS.
"NTA You are providing food and Erin refuses to eat it. Perhaps Erin wants to spend more time at Mike's since he neglected her for many years," one person wrote.
"It's not your fault that Erin decided she didn't like your cooking. You even tried to adjust your cooking to make more stuff that she preferred," another person commented. "Erin will be out in the big, bad world cooking for herself in a couple years — now's a fine time for her to learn how to make food that she likes. It takes some time to get good, and she should get some practice now. She could even ask Kim for some tips, although it may be that Kim wasn't ready for an extra mouth to feed seven days a week, and might be less enthusiastic than Erin expects."
"Have you told Erin that her behaviour is hurtful?" one person asked. "It sounds like you became rightfully frustrated and refused to cook, but If Erin doesn't know how rude she is acting she may think your decision is coming out of nowhere. Teens aren't well known for their empathy or critical thinking."
OP posted an update to the story.
It was clear from Reddit's initial comments that they didn't think she was the a–hole, but she posted an update to give folks some information about the resolution.
"The past few weeks have been hard and I think Erin has seen my post. So she came back home accompanied by her father and Kim," OP wrote.
"She has apologised for her actions and said there was nothing wrong with the food I made, [it's] just she preferred Kim's cooking at the time, but after living with them for a bit she realised it was not that special."
People on Reddit didn't know that Kim was a professional chef.
OP should have mentioned in her original post that Kim owns a restaurant and made restaurant-quality meals when Erin was at their house. That could significantly affect how Erin feels about her food options. She has since stopped doing that.
"When Erin moved in with them and not just coming to see them over the weekend, Kim switched to making similar dishes but in more domestic style, so probably that's why Erin didn't like mine and 'homemade' Kim's meals as they had less spices or sauces," OP shared. "She also explained it to Erin."
Erin has changed her tune.
Erin is learning to cook and to be more independent. She's taking the lead from Kim and her mom and mixing things up. This seems to make everyone happy. Redditors liked it too.
"Yes! What a wonderful outcome that is going to help with coparenting and help your daughter learn and grow!" someone commented.
"This is such a AMAZING update! So many updates on AITA are kind of grim and so I was so happy to read this! You ladies are all wonderful! Kudos," wrote another commenter.
"Sounds like the best possible outcome," someone else chimed in. "Knowing how to cook well is a very valuable skill, not to mention a good hobby."
Way to go, OP. You're moving in the right direction.
Redditors were thrilled with the outcome of OP's situation. They were proud of her for standing her ground but also for being flexible.
"That is the best solution to problem with regards to divorced parents I've ever read," one person commented. "Congrats to all of you for this awesome solution. But all of you are kind of a–holes anyway, cause I'm hungry now and really would like to visit Kims restaurant to test the food ;-)."
Excellent work, OP. Here's to many more happy times with your daughter in the kitchen.
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