Pregnant Mom Calls Sister ‘Hateful’ & ‘Disgusting’ for Her Baby Name Suggestion

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Parenting is stressful. From the moment we find out we're expecting until the day we leave this world, we're going to worry about our kids. Some of us worry, and our kids are healthy and live long lives, while other parents, unfortunately, have to go through the trauma and grief of our kids' leaving the world before us. Having a child die places a cloud over everything, and trying to live a life after the death of a baby takes a lot of work; it really does.

For one family, grief hit after a 3-month-old family member passed away because of sudden infant death syndrome, and it's had an impact on the whole family.

The loss was years ago, but the pain is still present.

Posting to Reddit's AITA forum, a woman (OP) looked for advice after she was called out by her sister in connection to the loss of her baby.

"About 6 years ago, my 3-month old nephew died suddenly in his sleep," the OP said. "It was completely unexpected as he seemed healthy and happy, just like a normal baby. From what I’ve been told, babies dying suddenly without an apparent cause is a semi-common phenomenon called SIDS or sudden infant death syndrome."

The whole family felt the loss, but for the OP, it hit her sister and brother-in-law the hardest.

"It was obviously incredibly tragic and my sister and brother in law (BIL) had to go to counseling and nearly split up because of their struggles coping," she wrote.

"I know it might sound bad, but I don’t always think about it you know. Like it’s tragic and I feel awful for my sister & BIL, but I don’t think about him all the time. We try to honor him at family meetings, but I don’t think of my nephew who died from SIDS just my newborn nephew who died suddenly. I don’t have any children myself and I’m not usually around infants, so SIDS just isn’t on my mind normally."

Some good news came to the family when her sister shared that she was pregnant.

"This week my sister announced on our family zoom that she was pregnant, and we were all thrilled for her," the OP wrote. "Everyone was throwing out potential baby names, and I suggested Sidney, since it was gender neutral (which they were looking for) and also the name of our old nanny."

In hindsight, OP explained that maybe it wasn't the best suggestion. "I didn’t make the connection of SIDS to Sidney, but my sister and BIL got really quiet and ended up leaving the zoom a few minutes after my suggestion."

She explained, "Everyone was super confused as to why they left until someone realized the SIDS-Sidney connection."

"I felt awful and reached out to apologize to my sister & BIL, but my BIL responded with a long paragraph about [how] hateful and disgusting I was," she wrote. Her BIL mentioned "how I should have known better, and how I destroyed their moment."

OP asked the community, "AITA for suggesting the baby name 'Sidney' to my sister and BIL after my late nephew died from SIDS?"

"NTA," one person wrote. "That is a stretch and clearly you had no ill intent."

Another commenter agreed. "Not like OP suggested Sidsney. Doesn't sound like the grieving parents are getting a lot or value out of their therapy if just hearing 'sid' is enough to trigger mutual depression, as further evident by BIL more than doubling-down and further exacerbating the situation after an self-initiated apology from OP."

The person continued, "I commend you for reaching out to your sister and brother in law. Because they could not graciously accept your apology I think the best thing to do now is nothing. Let them move past it eventually. If they don't, they are choosing to be negative and hostile and that simply is not your fault."

Another person thought nobody was at fault. "It was an honest mistake and not done out of malice. However, I can see why your sister and BIL would be upset. In a few days, after they calm down, I would try to reach out again and apologize."