It was my husband’s dream to move to (and retire in) Oklahoma. He is a member of the Cherokee Nation and he wanted to be on tribal land and finish raising our son around their heritage. When he got hurt in an industrial work accident in 2013, and was labeled disabled, it was our chance to be where he wanted to be. The new adventure gave us something to look forward to. Our then 6-year-old son could play football, we could teach him about his heritage, take him fishing, boating, and many other things. Unfortunately, doing all of those things was not in the cards for our family.
My daughter, now 19, was diagnosed with a variety of mental health issues.
In addition, she also likes to smoke marijuana on an extremely regular basis. Long story short, she got pregnant when she was 17 and gave birth to a gorgeous blue-eyed baby boy shortly after she turned 18. She was not ready to be a mother, but she insisted on keeping him. They lived with us from the time they released him from the hospital until we had to kick her out when he was about 3 months old. We have had him ever since.
With so many things going on with my daughter — no job, no vehicle, no steady place to live, and refusing to give up the marijuana — we had to do what was best for our grandson.
So a year ago this July, we went to court to get guardianship. It was granted. We have a court hearing next month to review the case. Unfortunately, I believe it is going to be made permanent, as she has not complied with the items that the judge wanted her to accomplish.
My 9-year-old loves his little nephew, who is now 20 months old.
But he also feels cheated and I know he is upset and jealous. At 47 years old, I was done having kids and just wanted to focus on my son, as did my husband. Now, we are raising a toddler and not getting to do all the things that we had planned to do with our son. The impact of having a toddler in the house has changed our dynamic. I have had to slow down on my freelance writing. I cannot work outside of the home because of my husband's disabilities and restrictions, and because we have our grandson.
As our grandson has grown, my son has accepted him more and more and they play together a lot.
But now, if my husband wants to go fishing, it is just him and my son. I have to stay home with the grandson, because it is too humid in Oklahoma to have him outside for very long. Not to mention I would just be chasing him around and not fishing with the guys.
My son has lost his love for football and I don’t know if it has anything to do with my grandson being here (making it hard for me to go to practices and games) or it is just that he didn’t have a very good coach the first two years.
We are all doing the best that we can on a fixed income, but I am hurt that my daughter can’t and won’t do what is right for her son. I am upset, because my son spends so much time hiding in his room and playing video games, because I can’t really do anything with him without the grandson.
My husband’s disability limits what he can do with our son and we are both very upset that our son got “robbed” of having an active dad, because of his work accident.
I love my daughter, but I dislike the person who she has become.
She had many issues starting at about 12 years old, but that is a whole other story. I love and cherish my husband and my son. They have supported me in this crazy dream to do freelance writing and hopefully publish picture books for children.
I adore my grandson! He has the most gorgeous blue eyes, blond hair, and a unique personality. I don’t know what I would do if he was not here, now that I have had him for two years. But sometimes I sit and wish that we could all go back in time. Somehow prevent the pregnancy or fix my daughter so that she could be the mother she is supposed to be.
If we end up with permanent guardianship and my daughter never grows up and fixes her life, I will be almost 70 years old when my grandson graduates high school and my husband will be in his early 60s.
By then, our son will be completely grown up and have a life of his own for many years. I wouldn’t trade my angel baby for anything, but I just want some quality time to raise my son. To teach him the things he needs to know to be a respective, productive adult. I just want to make memories with him.
I know my husband feels the same way. He always makes comments that make me wonder if he really loves our grandson. Deep down I know he does, but he and my son are slowly growing apart and it breaks my heart. This is the time in my son’s life when he needs his father the most and should bond with his dad, but because of his disabilities and our grandson, he is getting the short end of the stick.
Everyone praises us for stepping up, at our ages, and taking care of our grandson. It is tough, but we manage. I just couldn’t let him be taken into state custody. We are a family that takes care of family, no matter what. He was an innocent infant that didn’t ask for the parents he had or the situation he was in. I couldn’t let strangers raise a family member. I couldn’t live with myself if he ended up with a “bad” foster family.
And while I love him, the truth is, it's hard dealing with this unexpected family dynamic. Hopefully we'll all find a way to gain the balance we need to so everyone can thrive.
