Most of us come out of childhood with a few scars, some scrapes, and maybe a broken bone or two. We recover from colds, the flu, and the stomach bugs. Many of us rarely had to stay at the hospital, if ever.
But for those who are diagnosed with childhood cancer, their strength, resilience, and hope get tested at a young age and shape who they are as adults, including how they approach parenting.
Sarah Krajewski, not only received breast cancer treatment while pregnant with her third child, Annabelle, but is also a survivor of childhood cancer. Annabelle was with her mother through every step of breast cancer treatment — from an 8.5 centimeter tumor removal to the chemo to all the emotional ups and downs that come with a cancer diagnosis — on top of those a woman deals with throughout pregnancy.
CafeMom spoke with Sarah about how she stays brave in the messiness and unpredictability of life and motherhood.
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Sarah has learned to deal with fear and anger.
Sarah said that it's a strange juxtaposition when she compares her childhood cancer with cancer as an adult. Her childhood cancer (non-Hodgkin's lymphoma) taught her to value every moment as a child. When she looks back as an adult, it makes her remember what her parents went through while she was in treatment then, and it makes her feel grateful.
"Now that I'm a mother, it laces that memory [of my childhood cancer] with fear. That fear carries over into my adult diagnosis. Fear that I'm not enough for my girls. Fear I might not be there for them. Anger that they too might be affected as I was," shared Sarah.
Sara's learned that avoiding fear and anger is the wrong approach.
"Fear and anger for me, in the right small, concentrated dose, have propelled me into understanding and using that energy to accomplish big things. This is why I teach my girls to feel everything. There is no such thing as a bad emotion, just bad actions. I want my children to feel everything, understand their emotions, and know how to react to them. How can one be brave, without fear?" Sarah tells CafeMom.
Surviving cancer has affected how she takes care of herself and her family.
Sarah shares that she's still working on finding a balance between caring for herself and caring for her family. There are times when she can make them the same. However, as great as those moments are, they're not always realistic in every situation. For instance, girls' nights are just not the same when you do it with kids.
"I just know when I take care of myself, I'm a better mother. Cancer has taught me that it's not about the quantity of time that they have with me, but the quality of it," says Sarah.
Kimberly B. Virrueta, MS, a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist who specializes in counselling others through cancer, explained that anxiety and fear are common challenges for cancer survivors' mental health.
"[I]t is helpful for survivors to approach life with a 'stay in the present moment' point of view. Staying in the here and now helps avoid the dread of future imagined outcomes and also doesn't allow for the past to be used as 'evidence' of how things will be going forward," explains Kimberly.
Sarah explains that sometimes taking care of herself means sticking her kids in front of the TV and taking a moment to breathe. She knows screen time is not ideal, and questions whether she should be doing something educational instead.
But she also knows that when she returns 30 minutes after their TV show, her kids will enjoy their time with their mother a lot more. She knows that having 30 minutes to herself makes her a better mother.
"I think cancer helps you prioritize. Some folks get bent out of shape over every little thing in motherhood. I say society's expectations of parents can be not only unrealistic but unfair! We are all just trying to do the best we can. It's OK to not be perfect. This realization is one of the best gifts cancer has ever given me," Sarah tells CafeMom.
She discusses feeling lucky and meeting others going through a similar journey.
Sarah got emotional thinking about her support system, which includes her husband, her kids, family, and friends. She feels incredibly lucky to have the people that she has in her life.
"There's nothing that I can ever do to repay them. But the beauty of it is, they would be the first ones to tell me I owe them nothing," Sarah tells CafeMom.
She feels humbled to meet so many people going through circumstances similar to her own. She joined the Pan-Mass Challenge community, riding her first PMC this year and fundraising for Boston's Dana-Farber Cancer Institute, where she's treated.
"I am a proud PMC Living Proof rider — riders and volunteers who were previously treated or are currently undergoing cancer treatment — cycling alongside other survivors. There is such comfort in listening to others and realizing you're not alone. Last month, the PMC officially crossed $1 billion in lifetime fundraising for Dana-Farber, and my fundraising this year is a part of this milestone!" shares Sarah.
Staying organized reduces Sarah's stress and anxiety.
Sarah shares that she uses Google Calendar all day long. She's terrible at remembering everything she needs to do. When she doesn't have her life organized, it's a huge source of anxiety. She's way less stressed when her days and weeks have a plan. She gets to enjoy her family more and her family gets to enjoy her more.
"The biggest thing I would say cancer has taught me is to plan for the unplanned. Make sure to plan to have a 'buffer' with things. It might take more time to do X, Y, and Z, but if it doesn't, just call it a 'mommy win!'" Sarah tells CafeMom.
Sarah shares her advice for moms who are facing health challenges.
We asked Sarah to give some words of wisdom to other moms living with health challenges while pregnant and/or juggling the responsibilities of motherhood. Here is what she says:
"Hold on, you got this. It might not feel like it all the time, but you do. Be kind to yourself, it is OK to prioritize yourself sometimes. It will make you a better mom. You will fail at some point, it's inevitable. It is ok, learn from it, and move on. Forgive yourself."
Sarah encourages moms to tell their kids what is going on because they are tougher than we think. She didn't go into details with her girls, but they understood Mommy was sick. Sarah shares that it actually empowered them to help out and gave them a sense of control.
Sarah also talks about finding purpose and never walking her path alone.
When Sarah looks to the future, the biggest thing she hopes to convey to her children is to prioritize their physical and mental health.
"Life isn't just about living, it's about having something to live for. If I can teach my girls to value that sense of purpose, I will feel like I succeeded as a mother," Sarah tells CafeMom.
She feels lucky that the areas where she finds purpose resonate with her family. Her eldest daughter wants to ride her bike in a PMC Kids Ride — which are mini bike-a-thons throughout New England that involve children in the PMC mission by providing them the opportunity to fight cancer, just like adults. This makes Sarah daydream that the PMC could be something her whole family does together in the future.
"When I envision my path forward after cancer, I hope it's a path I'll never have to walk alone. All my daydreams, goals, and hopes involved having my family and friends by my side as I do them," shares Sarah.
