When I was a little girl, sleepovers were all the rage. I loved hosting them. I loved attending them. They were a chance to bond with my friends in a new and different way. We watched movies, told secrets, and laughed until we fell asleep. There was something special about merging the two worlds of home and school with less adult supervision.
But the lack of supervision is what has parents of today forbidding their own children from ever attending sleepovers. Thankfully, there may be a compromise for concerned parents and kids who desire connection.
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A 'sleepunder' lets parents retrieve kids before bedtime.
There’s a new trend called “sleepunders.” A sleepunder allows children to spend time at a friend's home but parents pick them up just before bedtime instead of letting them stay the entire night, according to The Mirror. Parenting expert Erika Souter told Good Morning America that sleepunders are a compromise that works for all parties.
"Sleepunders are a great option for parents not comfortable with their kids staying the entire night at a friend's house. We've been seeing this more and more since the pandemic where people want their kids to stay connected, to feel part of a group and have friends," she explained.
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Some parents might not understand sleepovers for cultural reasons.
Souter said it’s also a good option for parents of various cultural backgrounds that may not understand the reason for sleepovers to begin with. But Dr. Edith Bracho-Sanchez said that whether you decide to ban sleepovers or not, you have to know your child.
“There really isn't a right time … there are 6-year-olds that want to do sleepovers and 13-year-olds not ready, and not able to navigate trigger situations. You have to know your child," she said.
Children should be taught how to advocate for themselves when they're uncomfortable.
Souter said that you can begin to prepare your child to be away from you by teaching personal boundaries and how to get out of a situation where they may feel unsafe.
"It's very important they also have an out," she explained. "Use a safe word on the phone with them, so you can collect them if necessary."
It's important for parents to ask questions.
For parents who are entrusting their children to the care of others, it’s important to ask questions about the home where the child will stay. Are there guns in the house? Who will be supervising? Is the alcohol locked up? Who else will be in the home?
"There's no such thing as a zero risk situation," Dr. Bracho-Sanchez said.
Another expert advised that parents also find a way to relax while their child is away.
"It's also about parents turning on themselves and saying 'now my kid is in the care of someone else, how can I relax myself?'" Dr. David Anderson added.
Ultimately, the decision to sleep over or sleep under comes down to the comfort level of both parent and child. "It's important to set them up for success, knowing there is no such thing as a situation where there is zero risk,” Dr. Bracho-Sanchez said.
