Mom Tells SIL She ‘Doesn’t Care’ Her Baby Died After She Abandoned Her When Husband Died

As if struggling to conceive and suffering pregnancy loss wasn't difficult enough in and of itself, these hardships might cause friction with friends or family members. For one Redditor, learning that she was expecting a baby led to her sister-in-law, who had struggled to get pregnant, walking out of her life. She recently took to the Am I the A–hole subreddit to ask if she was wrong to refuse to let her back in her life after additional turmoil.

The original poster (OP) shared that she was friends with her SIL Daisy even before she tied the knot.

"I started dating her brother, Dan, when we were all in college," wrote the OP. "Daisy married Matt sometime after I married Dan 10 years ago. Matt and Daisy wanted a baby and starting trying right after marriage but they were having a lot of trouble. I am talking multiple failed IVFs, multiple late term miscarriages (one of which was a stillbirth). The struggle went on for for 7 years."

Given all these struggles, the OP wrote that she helped out her SIL emotionally and financially.

Because Matt was "unsympathetic," the OP and her husband were always taking care of Daisy. "Despite many talks from me and Dan, she remained married to him and kept trying again and again," the OP shared. "We have had many offers to leave the state/country for a better job, but didn't because we were scared to leave her alone."

Fast-forward to three years ago when the OP got pregnant.

"We broke the new gently to Daisy one day," she recalled. "She got real quiet and then asked us to leave. Later, she sent me an email saying she doesn't want to see me or Dan anymore and that this is all too much. We tried to console her but didn't work, so gave her space."

Heartbreakngly, Dan died in an accident just two weeks before the OP was due.

"I don't have any family except for Dan and Daisy," she shared. "Daisy refused to attend the funeral because she will have to see me. The day before the funeral and I called her and begged her to come. I didn't think that I would be able to go through that without her. She hung up on me and didn't attend the service."

The OP gave birth and moved out of state to start fresh, effectively cutting Daisy out of her life.

She and her daughter have been happy, and when Daisy reached out previously, the OP said she ignored her.

"Two weeks ago, she called from an unknown number and said she desperately wanted to talk to me," she explained. "Turns out she finally got pregnant, had a baby boy who passed away five days after being born in NICU. Matt is also leaving her and screwed her over because of the prenup. She is basically broke and homeless days after losing a child."

The OP's response?" "OK." She shared that Daisy asked, "Are you really not going to say anything? You are really not going to help?"

To that, the Redditor replied, "I don't care about you. I don't care about your life. I don't care about Matt. I don't care that your baby died. Just leave me and my daughter alone" and hung up.

The OP then turned it over to her fellow Redditors, asking if she was wrong to turn her back on her SIL.

Many were completely on the OP's side.

One commenter noted, "I don't really think she was ever your friend, because let me share something with you. Real friends are the ones who stick by you during your darkest days, and have the guts to call you out on negative behaviors and actions, because they want the best for you. If you have people who only hang with you during your best, but not your worst, then they're not really your friends. I don't know if there was ever any moment she stuck with you during a dark time in your life, but based on this, she abandoned you when you needed a friend the most."

Another wrote, "You and your husband tried to carry her until your world broke down. Now her world broke down and you do not care as she did not help you when you needed it."

Still, others thought everyone in the situation was at fault.

"You're definitely hugely wronged by them," wrote one Redditor. "Wouldn't come to her brother's funeral because you were pregnant? … She did not comfort you, you are under no obligation to comfort her. That said, saying, 'I don't care that your baby died' is too much."

One Redditor summed it up perfectly by observing, "There’s a whole lot of pain, anger, and trauma being passed around here."

They continued, "It may not have started with you, but it could have ended. I’m sorry for your loss and she was immeasurably cruel to you. I understand why you said it, but saying you don’t care about her dead child is too much."

Here's hoping both the OP and her SIL find the healing they both need — with or without their relationship.

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