Although it can be cliché, there is some truth to the saying — we want to do it all. And when it comes to motherhood, the drive to do it all intensifies. As our bellies grow and the time of labor nears, we think of all of the things that we need to do. Asking for help is not an option, because “I got it.”
The truth is no one has “got it.” We have to let go of the pressure to do it all.
Asking for help sounds easy, but in reality we actually do need guidance in how to ask for what we need. When my children were born, the phrase “Nope, I got it” was on repeat. Trying to do it all was draining, and although I was taking care of my household, I was not going about it in an effective way. It was nonsensical.
So, avoid the excessive amount of exhaustion, and instead begin asking for help before the baby arrives.
It takes two (or more): Ways to ask for help
Getting help with a newborn
Help can and will look different in every partnership. You and your partner will figure out what works for your new life with a baby. Here are some practical points on where to start:
Night shift
Even if you are exclusively nursing, have him take the night shift. Your partner can either clean the bottles, burp the baby, or wake up for emotional support.
Clean up
In the first month and beyond, your house will be a mess, and “dirty house” anxiety is real. Ask your partner to help with the laundry, the dishes, and the picking up toys.
Bottle prep or pump prep
No matter how you go about feeding your baby, setting up the bottles or cleaning the breast pump is time-consuming. Have your partner help with those tedious tasks.
Meals
You'll need help feeding the baby, but the adults need to eat too. Make sure your partner is ready to prepare meals, or at least knows where all of the takeout menus are stashed.
Naptime!
Express to your partner when you need a nap. Don’t think that you always have to be the one awake.
Visitors can wait
Discuss when family and friends can begin coming by. If you both feel comfortable having family come over in the first few weeks, then let those visitations happen. However, do not feel pressured.
Me time
Know that it is OK to plan time for yourself. “A couple of times a week, as soon as my husband got home from work, I would toss the kids at him and run down to the local coffee shop. I would have a quiet dinner, just me and my newspaper,” Brooklyn writer Amy Oztan previously told Mom.com. “It was heavenly. Those dinners kept me sane.”
Plan a date
Children take over your lives, so plan dates. Have family or friends over to watch your little one while you and your partner go on a coffee date or even an actual dinner date. Don’t hesitate to ask. You both will need to recharge together.
