When it comes to the work of being a mother and wife, there are several cliché "jokes" that are so overused that they stopped being funny decades ago. There are all the lame "wine mom" jokes with every imaginable T-shirt, decorative wall hanging, and kitchen towel to go with them, of course. There are MILF jokes, because obviously the idea of moms having sex is such a joke. And then there are the incredibly annoying jokes about husbands being basically just another one of the children in the house.
We were recently reminded of those dumb jokes while reading a hot topic on the Reddit "Am I the A–hole" forum where it turns out that at least one husband doesn’t like it when his wife stops treating him like one of their children and forces him to act like a grown-up. Let’s break it down with a quick recap. The first thing you need to know is that the original poster and her husband have five daughters, ranging in age from 5 months old to 7 years old.
So, yeah, they have their hands full and definitely need to have both parents bringing their A-games to the table at pretty much all times. As OP explains, her husband hasn’t been stepping up in one crucial area: "For a long time there's been an issue with him getting up to help with the kids of a morning: he thinks he should be able to sleep in on his days off work, while I think he should get up when the kids and I do, or we should at least be alternating who lies in a bit."
And it's not just that her husband like to sleep in while she is herding all five kids through the morning chaos.
No, he also expects her to wake him up and make sure he gets where he's supposed to be going on time. Clearly, what OP needs is one more responsibility in the morning, right?
Things came to a head recently when, according to OP, "we had a family trip planned to the zoo with both of our parents, our sisters and their kids."
She explained how things have gone in the past. "Previously when we've gone out for the day I've needed to shake my partner awake several times, and he lies in bed while I get the kids ready. He'll finally get up 5 minutes before we leave as I shout at him I'm getting in the car. I've mentioned to him that this is very frustrating as it's a lot of work getting the kids ready to go out, and it's not fair to leave it up to me while he lies on bed. He'd apologize and promise that the next time he'd get up and help."
Spoiler alert: He did not get up and help.
On the day of the zoo trip, OP's alarm went off at 6:30 a.m. and she proceeded to get the kids ready for the zoo. Her husband, who’d promised to set his own alarm, kept on snoozing. So when it came time to leave for the zoo, OP had five dressed and ready kids and one sleeping husband.
She did decided to treat him like the grown-up he is supposed to be and let him experience the consequences of his actions.
Yep, she left him at home and went to the zoo with her actual children.
What happened next is sadly predictable. "At 10:15am I got a phone call from him asking where everyone was. I said we went to the zoo as planned, and I waited for him to get up but he never did. He got really mad and told me that I should've woken him up like I always do, and I caused him to miss the trip."
We can understand that maybe he was bummed to miss a fun outing with the kids, but what he did next was just so wrong. OP shared that his next move was pure pouty child: "He then called his mum and complained to her, who yelled at me in the middle of the zoo that I was being unfair and I should've given him a shake to let him know he needed to get up, and that I was about to leave."
Thankfully OP’s mom was also there and also believes that a grown man can set his own damn alarm clock. "My mother jumped in and said it wasn't my responsibility to get him out of bed, and he needed to take responsibility for himself. A few more words were exchanged and his family stalked off for the rest of the trip. I had a blast with my kids, parents, sister, and my nephews"
Yes, we love an unbothered queen!
"When we got home my partner started on me again about how I should've woken him up."
OP was worried she might be the a–hole in this situation, but we are so on her side! It should not be her responsibility to wake up a grown man when she already has five (!!) other people she’s responsible for, especially since they've had conversations about this so much that even OP's husband's therapist thinks he needs to do more in the mornings.
The commenters on Reddit also had her back, noting, "The only way to stop enabling someone is to…stop," and that OP was teaching her kids "what is acceptable behavior in a relationship. They should be learning the same thing from their dad, not the opposite."
The good news is that this story has a mostly happy ending, according to an update from OP who shared, "The morning after this incident my partner got out of bed when the kids did and took the older girls out for breakfast. Later I asked him if he'd be willing to read the thread and he agreed. He was very subdued afterwards, and didn't say much except for agreeing that he was an AH. The next day he took off work and saw his GP, started on anti-depressants, and we had a long talk. He was ashamed by how he was acting and to see strangers comparing him to children."
Now, it's only "mostly happy" because OP’s MIL is evidently going to keep on babying her son but OP's husband has been working hard to be a fully functional co-parent and not a sixth kid in the house. We love an internet happy ending!
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