It's the never-ending argument: breast milk or formula? It's always complicated because people on both sides are passionate about their choices. But some moms can't breastfeed their babies for whatever reason and shouldn't be shamed for it.
People should understand that some women cannot produce breast milk or enough of it for their babies. And what about adopted babies? There are lots of scenarios that lead to a mother's choice to feed her baby formula. That decision is a family one and should be respected, regardless of anyone else's preferences or ideas. We shouldn't even have to say that, but here we are.
Some people evidently just can't help meddling in a parent's infant feeding choices, and it can cause all kinds of problems. But how far would you go to ensure a baby gets the food you think they should have if it's not even yours? A man is in a doozy of a situation with his wife. She is a "breast is best" advocate and has gone so far as to breastfeed someone else's baby without asking their permission or telling them.
Holy smokes! He originally posted to Reddit's AITA Forum, asking if he was in the wrong to tell his sister-in-law and brother-in-law what his wife was doing because he's just sick of the situation at this point.
It's a tricky situation.
"It's a bit of a complicated situation, I'm not sure wether I should speak up or not," OP wrote in his post, which has since been deleted.
His wife's brother and his wife have an 8-month-old baby. The child is mostly formula-fed because of health issues the mother has. Unfortunately, OP's wife can't stay in her own lane on this one.
"My wife has always been criticizing them for 'giving up on natural milk' and depriving their baby from the benefits of it by going with formula. They've had countless arguments about it and my wife and MIL still think they're in the right," OP wrote.
OP discovered something shocking.
He recently discovered that his wife has been breastfeeding her brother's baby when she watches him. She and OP have a 10-month-old son who is actively breastfeeding, but he had no idea she was feeding their nephew as well. He was absolutely stunned and ready to fight.
Not surprisingly, this led to an argument between the couple.
OP and his wife got into a heated argument about the fact that his wife is respecting no boundaries and has no business feeding someone else's baby.
"I confronted her on it and she said she was trying to give back to her nephew all the benefits his parents took away from him after they replaced breastfeeding with formula. I told her this was violating and that I would tell them immediately," he wrote.
"She got mad and said I wouldn't dare. Matter of fact, she said that she's doing them a favor by feeding their son and trying to regain his strength and prevent future health issues due to lack of mother's milk," he explained.
OP feels it is morally his responsibility to tell his family what his wife is doing.
OP isn't in favor of his wife's behavior at all and threatened to tell the nephew's parents. There was a huge argument that included a lot of yelling, but instead of admitting that she was wrong, OP's wife defended herself.
"She started begging me saying she's just trying to help and that she has her nephew's best interest [at] heart. She said if I tell them they won't ever let her see him so there's a lot at stake here," he said.
Despite her comments, he wants to end this. Does that make him a jerk?
Reddit called OP's wife all kinds of names and sided with him immediately.
"This is insane. She is sharing fluids without consent. ALSO "Fed is best" is what a doc would say — formula is just fine!" one person commented. "And she doesn't know if that child has any dietary issues that would mean her milk would be harmful. There's a lot of awful here."
"Yeah, sharing breastmilk is something people have traditionally done for a very long time," someone else commented. "But it's supposed to be about sharing — not secretly doing it behind their backs. Lactivists can be really crazy, and OP's wife is off the deep end here."
"What the hell did I just read. Tell them, tell them now," one person urged. "NTA, but your wife is for quite clearly over stepping her bounds. This is NOT her child and therefore she has no say. I don't give 2 s—s if she thinks this is the right thing to do, IT IS NOT," another comment read.
What she is doing is not OK, according to Reddit.
Reddit wants OP to know that his wife needs to stop breastfeeding the baby.
One person even warned that he would be a jerk if he doesn't tell them because "what she is doing is way over the line. In no way shape or form should she be breastfeeding another person's child without their consent not only is she messing up his stomach with the different milk she's probably being doing it a long time, I would be absolutely furious if someone done that to my child."
Redditors think that OP's wife has no right to be doing what she is doing.
"Tell them. Your wife is way over the line and has no right to do this at all," another person suggested. "YTA if you don't do anything to stop this. Some people are fine with using someone else's breast [milk] but she is going about this in completely the wrong way."
People want OP to know that he is only in the wrong if he doesn't tell the truth.
The only thing that would make OP an a–hole in this situation is if he kept his mouth shut. Redditors say this not a secret he can keep.
"NTA for wanting to tell but YTA for not immediately telling them. This has health implications for their child!!!" one person commented. "Your wife needs help. You are allowing her to violate that child and by doing nothing your are enabling it."
"Tell them. Your wife is way over the line and has no right to do this at all.=," someone else wrote. "YTA if you don't do anything to stop this. Some people are fine with using someone else's breast [milk] but she is going about this in completely the wrong way."
Someone else thought it was pretty simple: "NTA if you tell. YTA if you don't. Your wife has crossed a major line and they have every right to know."
OP, you have to tell the truth.
Redditors agree that OP has to tell his BIL and SIL the truth. This isn't his wife's choice, nor her place to interfere with someone else's child. As difficult as it may be, and no matter what consequences it might bring for his wife, it is the right thing to do.
One person offered some excellent advice: "NTA, OP. And I hope you've already called to set up a time to sit down and tell them in person, NOT on the phone. Also, keep your wife away because if she is there, it will be so much worse."
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