Let's say you have kids with a pretty broad range in age. A couple of teenagers and a younger child. Would you expect your older children to take care of the younger child on occasion? Sure, it would be nice if they could help out here and there, but are they obligated to drop everything and help their parents out? Or do you need to do what you need to do to take care of your child yourself?
A woman posted in Reddit's AITA forum to explain a related situation brewing in her family. The original poster and her husband have been together for four years and share a 3-year-old son. OP also has two teenage children, a 17-year-old son and a 19-year-old daughter. They are a happy blended family, but recently there was a problem. OP's husband wanted her teenage kids to help him in a family emergency, but they said no.
Then he turned to OP for help, and she also blew him off. He got upset and a huge argument ensued. Now OP wonders if she should've been more receptive to her husband's needs.
There was a family emergency.
OP's husband's father had a medical emergency while OP was away, and OP's husband was at home with their 3-year-old son. He had to go to the hospital and asked the teenage kids for help.
"My husband had an emergency (dad had a medical emergency) and wanted someone to watch our son," OP wrote. "He asked my older son and he refused because he was going out with friends. he also asked my daughter but she locked herself in her room to study. I was at the restaurant with my brother meeting his girlfriend for the first time. My husband ended up taking our son with him to the hospital and his mom watched him from there."
No one helped him out.
OP and her older kids were too busy to help her husband out, and he was not happy about it. He returned from the hospital and had some choice words for his family. He called them "selfish and unfeeling."
"I tried to explain that the kids were busy but he told me to get the f out with that bull because my older son could've skipped the hangout and watched his brother and, my daughter could've watched her brother while studying instead of locking herself in her room. He scolded me as well but I told him I couldn't leave lunch with my brother since he was visiting town and this was my only chance to meet his girlfriend," she explained.
Now, the family vacation is off.
OP's husband made it clear that he wouldn't take them all on a family trip for Christmas if he isn't a priority in their lives. The kids are upset, and OP said he was punishing them and her. He refused to talk about it later. "Now me and the kids aren't speaking to him and he's saying 'good riddance.'"
OP later edited the post and wrote that her husband was supposed to be watching their son then, and her kids weren't used to being with the toddler.
Is she an a–hole for thinking he was in the wrong for wanting help?
What is the deal with her brother's girlfriend?
Reddit was confused as to why OP's brother's girlfriend ranked higher on the totem pole than her husband.
"When there's a family emergency, you drop everything to help," someone wrote. "Meeting your brother's girlfriend for the first time is not a valid excuse not to go watch the 3yo, I mean WTF? Clearly you put your husband very low on your list of priorities. I don't blame him for cancelling, you guys don't deserve it."
People thought that OP's priorities were way out of whack.
"Seriously, take the brother and GF to your house and watch your kid," someone else commented. "You are the mother, show some compassion."
Why are they expecting to be rewarded?
Reddit thought that OP seemed delusional for thinking that she and her kids expected to be taken on vacation when they did nothing to help him when he needed them.
"YTA," one Redditor decided. "He just realized how selfish you and your children are and he isn't willing to give them an expensive experience when he recently learned of their character. I didn't hear a reasonable excuse from you or your kids why they couldn't change plans to watch someone's kid for a family medical emergency. I wouldn't want to take you all on a vacation either."
"YTA," another person wrote. "Why on earth would you expect him to reward you with a trip when not one of you could be bothered to simply watch another member of your family during an emergency? All three of you are incredibly selfish and self centered. I truly feel bad for your husband."
Redditors felt both the wife and her older kids were in the wrong.
There isn't just one person here that Redditors didn't like, it was the whole trio.
"Any single one of you could, and should have dropped what you were doing," a person commented. "You were all selfish. Nothing any of you were doing was life and death, meanwhile what your husband was dealing with could have been. You all suck. That poor man has no support from his own damn family."
OP's husband is peacing out.
OP updated her post and explained that her husband now plans to spend Christmas with his family instead of with her and her kids. He's taking their younger son with him.
"My husband just told us that he'll be spending Christmas with his family saying he needs to be around his dad anyway. the kids said they will just go to their dad since they and my husband are still not talking. neither of the kids are happy with how things turned out. so I feel like things have gotten out of hand and the problem got bigger. He's now choosing to basically abandon us on Christmas and also keep our son away from me and his siblings," she wrote.
Abandoned? OP, do you mean like you left him when he needed you? Hmm, think about that for a second.
OP, people think your husband deserves better than you.
Sorry, OP, but Redditors think you blew it this time. Your husband needed you. He asked you to take care of your child … the child you share. You made it clear to him that he, or your son, don't rank very high in your book of priorities. Your kids didn't extend much kindness, either. Not a good look on any of you.
One Redditor summed up the feelings of many: "Congratulations on raising 2 kids who are exactly like you. Selfish. It was a medical emergency. I divorced my husband over a medical emergency when he left me hanging. Enjoy your single life."
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