Far too much judgment gets thrown around in the whole stay-at-mome mom vs. working mom debate — and it's something that Bridgette Ann knows all too well (especially now). In a recent viral video, the Winona, Minnesota, mom admitted that she used to judge SAHMs for not working but recently came to the powerful realization that being at home all day with small kids can be just as challenging, frustrating, and downright lonely as any full-time job outside of the house.
In a heartbreaking Facebook post, Bridgette shuts down the people who think being a SAHM is "easy." (You know, just like she once did.)
Along with a teary photo of herself, Bridgette came clean in her post, where she laid out the many (many) assumptions people make about stay-at-home moms.
Things like, they're "lucky to be able to not have to work." Or how about the misconception that they're "lazy?" And last (but not least), the assumption that being a SAHM isn't "real" work, so therefore, SAHMs have "nothing to complain about."
In reality, says Bridgette, that couldn't be further from the truth.
"it’s [expletive] lonely and overwhelming," she confessed, now that she's on the other side of things.
"You can’t do anything by yourself," she added. "Go to the bathroom, enjoy a cup of coffee, read, h–l you can’t even scrub the [expletive] out of pants for the third time in a day without someone crying or screaming at your leg."
The only breaks SAHMs get are when their kids are sleeping -- and even then, you pretty much use have to use that time to clean.
As for when they're awake? It can be so freaking HARD to keep them entertained.
"You struggle to come up with ways to entertain someone for literally 12 hours a day every day," she continued. "You wear the same clothes that smell like sweat and tears for days at a time because it’s already stained and no use in ruining more clothes. You forget what it means or feels like to be an individual; because your entire existence now revolves around that child."
It can be hard to go days without adult conversation.
Bridgette explained that she gets jealous of working moms because "you wish you could have an excuse to have an adult conversation without being interrupted."
And sometimes you hit your boiling point.
"You lock yourself in the bathroom and scream into a towel while crying because you need a second to breathe; all while a child is banging on the door to get in…" she continued. "Let that sink in, most of us don’t even have the luxury to cry and be frustrated in peace. And when we do break down people question it; 'like what do you have to cry about you get to sit home all day.'”
Still, she can't say she doesn't understand where the judgment comes from. After all, Bridgette used to be among the judgers.
"But I get it now," she wrote.
The people who said they'd be there to help out? Poof, they're nowhere to be seen, and you're left struggling to juggle it all. Suddenly, she continued, "you’re left with this overwhelming sense of failure."
Now, she sees just how easily things can fall apart even with all that "free time" SAHMs allegedly have.
"My house isn’t clean, I’m not clean, the dishes aren’t done, I have screamed already today, I have cried, and I have felt so d–n guilty that my child was here to witness it," she wrote. "But I am alone … and I am lonely."
In conclusion, Bridgette had one main message for people everywhere: "Check in on your SAHM friends … we are NOT okay."
People were immediately overwhelmed by the mom's honesty.
To date, more than 30,000 people have commented on the post, many of whom have admitted they feel exactly the same way.
"This is so true," one woman shared. "I stayed home for years. It was the hardest job I ever had."
"It’s been real hard for me," another person commented. "Very hard. Probably I am still struggling everyday"
Someone else admitted that she flat-out "hated it."
"Not ashamed to say," the mom continued. "Staying home was horrible."
A few people did think Bridgette was overreacting and didn't hold back with telling her as much.
"It is easy," one man wrote. "After the first four years they literally control themselves well enough to be left in a room alone for five minutes without dying."
"If you're not ready for a mother's responsibility then don't have kids," another person snapped.
Yet another commenter poked fun at the mom for even making her post in the first place, writing:
"OP: 'I don’t have time to change my shirt or clean or do anythingggg ): '
Also OP: *takes selfies while crying and writes a [expletive] novel on social media about hating her life with her child*"
Still, the haters did seem to prove Bridgette's point: As a parent, you somehow get judged for admitting ANY kind of unhappiness with the gig.
For women, it's especially taboo to admit that you don't love being a mom — even if you love your kids. Any job, inside the house or not, will have its challenges, hardships, and days when you really just want to throw in the towel and quit. But as a society, we need to support moms who are brave enough to stand up and say that the job is HARD, and make them feel like it's OK to ask for help — no matter whether they're a working mom or a SAHM.
