TRIGGER WARNING: This post contains information about stillbirth and infant loss, which may be triggering to some.
There's a reason why they're called rainbow babies — after the heartbreaking loss of a child, a new baby can feel like the sunshine following a storm. Photographer Ashley Duffy, who owns Ashley Anna Artistries, not only felt this unthinkable pain and darkness after her daughter Finley passed during a routine C-section, but was also able to feel the brightness twice over when her twins Patrick Stephen and Teagan Joyanna were born in early July. Now, the mom from Florida has managed to capture her sweet rainbow twins in a powerful newborn photo — "They make my heart whole," she says.
Her journey started on November 26, 2018.
Speaking with CafeMom, she explains that her pregnancy with daughter Finley Anna was mostly "normal" and thought nothing of it when she went into natural labor five days after her due date.
When Duffy and her husband Patrick got to the hospital, it was clear that their baby was "in distress."
Her doctors monitored Finley all day as the mom was in labor.
"During my labor I developed an infection and also preeclampsia," she recalls. Eventually, her doctors rushed her into an emergency C-section — but only after Finley's heart stopped beating.
"Her loss was completely preventable had appropriate action been taken at the first signs of distress instead of waiting until long after all of the other extreme complications arose," Duffy says. "She was [stillborn] on the 6th day of our 40th week of pregnancy."
It took time to heal, but finally on July 7, 2020 Duffy gave birth to her twins -- Patrick and Teagan.
"As you can imagine, pregnancy after loss is an extremely exciting yet terrifying time," she admits. "Finding out there are two lives you are expecting now instead of just one amplifies those feelings."
Plus, there was the additional stress of the current health crisis — "the anxiety almost overflows," she says.
Thankfully the scheduled C-section went smoothly this time. Her twins were born one minute apart in an "easygoing, planned birth experience."
It was nothing like the "chaos" of her experience delivering Finley.
The moment she saw her twins' faces, all of her anxiety melted away.
"I finally did it," she recalls thinking. "I had TWO living, breathing babies."
"When the operation was all over and my husband and I were in post-op recovery with the twins both happily nursing, I looked at him, and whispered 'THIS is heaven,'" she remembers. "Both my heart and arms were so full in that short and massive moment."
After her rainbow twins were born, Duffy had a stroke of inspiration.
As a photographer, she knew she wanted "to create an image that celebrated all three of my children and the love I hold for each of them."
"I also wanted to be able to capture the full range of emotions myself and my family has been going through both during and after my rainbow pregnancy," she says.
Although Finley would never be able to meet her siblings, Duffy says she wanted "to make sure they know her and know that she is and always will be a part of our lives."
"She is their big sister, our first born, and we will love her always," the mom adds.
And it was because of her experience with Finley that the mom decided to share the photos of her twins online.
After Finley died, Duffy recalls that she kept her grief private until finally she decided to try to talk openly about her daughter as much as she could.
"One of the most surprising takeaways for me from this whole experience was just how many people I already knew and new individuals I met along the way who had experienced some form of child loss of their own but never spoke about it because of the stigma that seems to stick to the topic," she says.
Instead of keeping her feelings to herself, Duffy realized that by talking about Finley, it would truly help her heal.
It would "hopefully give someone else some form of comfort in knowing they aren't alone the same way others came out of the woodwork and helped me," she says.
It's also why she decided to share photos of Patrick and Teagan on her Facebook page on July 21.
"A Mother's love is whole, no matter how many times it is divided," she wrote on the post's caption.
After posting the photos online, it was shared across the internet.
"The response has been amazing," she says. "I am just amazed to see that my work and story has touched so many people."
Duffy says that she's even had strangers reach out to share their own stories with her — "and tell me how moving my work is."
But mostly, the mom feels like it's a privilege to be able to share her work.
"I am so grateful and happy to have this opportunity to share my story and beautiful children with the world," she says.
And her photos are a true celebration of the little bit of sun that's now shining on her.
"Patrick and Teagan are our miracles after the darkest time in our lives, the lights that brought us back and all three of my children have a piece of my heart to call their own," she continues. "They make my heart whole."
