Britni Church wants people to know that parents of big families are often misunderstood. “We are just like everyone else,” the mom of 11 from Arkansas City, Kansas, tells CafeMom. “People assume a lot of things about us that just aren’t true.”
Sure, it might take Britni and her husband, Chris, a little longer to wrangle all of their kids out the door in the morning — but Britni swears her life isn’t just endless chaos. The mom hopes to dispel the many myths about big families and is speaking out about whether she’d consider having more kids.
Believe it or not, Britni says she originally only wanted three kids.
But of course, that’s not exactly what happened. Just ask 15-year-old Crizman; Jordan, 14; Caleb, 13; Jace, 12; Cadence, 10; Jesalyn, 8; Silas, 5; Christopher Jr., 3; and her 1-year-old triplets, Oliver, Asher, and Abel.
“I never planned to have 11 but I wouldn’t change it for the world,” she says. The mom comes from a family of nine and her husband comes from a family of eight.
However, the mom’s own big brood wasn’t exactly an obvious path.
The mom tells us that originally she had five kids with her now ex-husband.
“My [current] husband and I met when I was a single mom of six,” she explains. “I had my oldest five with my now ex-husband and then my sixth child has a separate dad from the others.”
When she met 28-year-old Chris, things went from zero to 100 quickly. They met in June 2014 while at work, and by June 2015 were married and had their first child together (and Britni’s seventh), Silas.
“Chris calls them his own though and treats them all like his own kids,” she says.
After Silas, their son Christopher Jr. was born in December 2016.
And then two years later, the Churches learned they were expecting again — but it was not a part of their plan.
“We were in the process of buying a house and had planned to wait until spring 2019 to start trying,” she recalls.
Chris was hoping for a biological daughter “and even our oldest four girls hope we have another girl.”
The surprise wasn’t learning that they were going to have another baby boy — it was that they were going to have three.
“We got the surprise of a lifetime at 17 weeks along, when we went to a private ultrasound place and she said there were three babies in there,” she says. “It is a moment we will never forget for sure. We are so thankful for them.”
Sometimes, Britni says, it can be a hard and lonely experience to be the mom of such a big family.
The experience can be isolating, she explains, not just because motherhood is hard — it is — but also because people hold many false beliefs about the kind of people who would want to have a lot of children.
“We aren’t on food stamps (but we don’t look down on those who need them),” she tells CafeMom. “We aren’t ignorant, we know what causes them, and we aren’t Catholic or Mormon but I do believe in Jesus.”
The also has another myth to dispel: “It’s also not always loud and chaotic like most people would assume.”
Britni finds it challenging to show people the “stigma they place on big families,” but more importantly, it “just isn’t reality.”
The mom says she and Chris and are open to having more kids one day.
But they aren’t in a hurry.
“And we don’t have a specific number in mind,” she says. “ We are trusting God.”
Britni hopes that by sharing her story she can help other moms — of big families or not — feel a little less alone.
“I see so many moms, single moms, young moms, moms of large families, moms of one, that remind me of myself. There are days I felt so alone,” she says.
“I just want to be that one mom they can say, Hey, I’m not alone. She’s been here. If she can do this, I can do this.”
It’s a lesson Britni learned way back in 2014 when she herself was looking for community.
“In 2014 I found a Facebook group that completely changed my life. It’s called “Large Family, and I met moms who had 4, 5, 6, even 11 or 12 kids. And I met several who had similar stories to mine.”
That was everything.
“I can’t tell you what that meant to me,” she continues. “To realize there were other moms like me. It was HUGE. I want to be that for other moms out there.”
Of course, some people might still scoff at them, but Britni tells us that all she really wants is for people to realize “we’re all just people, doing our best.”
Britni knows all too well that for most mothers, they’re “winging it most of the time.”
“Instead of judging another mom for being different, try to celebrate that difference,” she tells CafeMom. “Especially online. Find something kind to say. Or just refrain from hurtful words. Don’t be so quick to judge someone who isn’t exactly like you.”
