Sometimes parenting a teenager can feel like walking on an almost endless tightrope. We spend a lot of energy trying to find just the right balance to make sure they grow into strong and confident adults while also keeping their natural teenage impulses toward sometimes being moody and self-centered in check.
For one parent of a 14-year-old girl, trying to find that balance has led to removing the girl's bedroom door until she can get her attitude right. The parent, who we'll call OP, posted in the AITA forum on Reddit to get some feedback on this choice and was perhaps expecting to get flamed for violating the teen's privacy.
As the full story came out, however, it turns out that the forum was on OP's side and, even though we totally think teens have a right to privacy, so are we!
The issue started with habitual door slamming.
We suspect there isn't a parent in the world who doesn't get annoyed when people slam doors in the house. It's loud, it can be dangerous (especially if little kids aren't watching their fingers), and it feels rude.
OP explained that their daughter is "a great kid. She does her homework, helps with chores without too much complaint, and doesn’t bug her little brothers (too) much. The issue is that she will not stop slamming her bedroom door." The door slamming doesn't usually appear to be done in anger, but, according to OP, happens all the time.
That includes in the middle of the night.
"She gets up to use the bathroom at night she slams her bedroom door on her way out and back in. When she gets up in the morning or goes to bed at night she slams it," OP wrote. "Pretty much any time she enters or exits her room the door gets slammed."
Yes, it's annoying but it's also more than that.
The door slamming is affecting everyone in the house.
"It shakes the walls and frequently wakes up everyone else in the house," OP explained.
The parent has tried to be reasonable and has asked the teen to be more careful and to close the door more quietly. OP has given several warnings that there would be consequences if the slamming continued, but the teen has kept doing it.
Things finally came to a head at 4 a.m. one day when "she got up to use the bathroom and all 4 of us were woken up by the slamming. I have to be up at 5 a.m. for work and I’ve had enough of the broken sleep and came downstairs and knocked on her door," OP shared. "She opened it and said WHAT?! with such attitude it took a lot of self control not to start yelling."
First, a high five to OP for not yelling in that moment, especially with what happened next.
"I told her as calmly as I could that if she slammed that door one more time she was going to come home and find it gone. She proceeded to yell at me to leave her alone and then slammed it 5 times as hard as she could," OP explained.
It was time for consequences.
The next day, while the girl was at school, OP and her husband removed the door from its hinges and installed a heavy-duty privacy curtain in the doorway instead. When the teen got home she was less than pleased.
"She came home and freaked the f— out. She said we’re being emotionally abusive and taking away her right to privacy," OP shared. "She sulked all weekend and won’t talk to us now."
After some people in OP's life, including her own mother, told her she was violating the teen's privacy and being unreasonable, OP turned to Reddit for anonymous feedback, and it turns out that Redditors totally have OP's back!
Redditors gave reasons why OP wasn't wrong to take a stand on the door slamming.
For most of the people who responded to OP, the fact that the teen got clear warnings, had multiple attempts to change her behavior, and was ensured of her continued privacy by OP and her husband installing a heavy-duty curtain negates any wrongdoing by OP.
As one person noted, "Interrupting everyone's sleep is unacceptable. You gave her plenty of opportunities to change her door slamming behavior and she didn't do it."
Another agreed, writing that the teen was forcing OP to draw a hard line by pointing out that "she went nuclear with that move. Slamming the door, five times in a row, in her parent's face, in the middle of the night, disturbing everyone's sleep. I would have done exactly the same. Brilliant parenting. Keep following through!"
We're also on the side of OP, especially when OP explained that the missing door is only a temporary measure. "It’s absolutely only intended to be a temporary measure to get our point across," OP wrote. "As soon as she acknowledges that she’s disturbing the rest of the family and agrees to stop slamming, it’ll go right back on."
Here's hoping that the family enjoys some quiet nights of sleep until that happens.
These stories are based on posts found on Reddit. Reddit is a user-generated social news aggregation, web content rating, and discussion website where registered members submit content to the site and can up- or down-vote the content. The accuracy and authenticity of each story cannot be confirmed by our staff.
