Children come into the world innocent and pure. They’re not bogged down by some of the judgments and negative associations we’ve placed on the ways various bodies look. But it doesn’t take them long to catch on. Research has shown that as early as age 3, children notice differences in sex, height, hair texture, skin color, and weight.
Although they notice the differences, I’d argue it’s society that assigns either positive or negative connotations to these variations. One mother is trying to keep her child immune from all of that for as long as possible. She is using the help of her pediatrician to accomplish this.
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The mom gave a note to the nurse and doctor before her daughter's visit with the pediatrician.
Caroline Hardin, who goes by @general.caronobi on TikTok, recently shared a new strategy she tried to keep her daughter’s pediatrician visits body neutral. She wrote a note, which she presented to the nurses and doctors before the visit began. She shared the message with her social media following.
It read: “Doctor, When discussing my child’s weight and/or BMI, please refrain from using qualitative word like ‘good’ or ‘bad.’ We have managed so far to keep a body neutral and body positive environment for her childhood, and I appreciate your cooperation in preserving that for as long as we can. Feel free to ask to speak with me outside the exam room if you have any concerns. Thank you!”
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It worked and there was no mention of weight or body shape.
Caroline updated her audience about the visit in the comment section under the video. “First impression from the nurse taking the note was great, she took her time reading it and then gave me a big thumbs up and said thanks,” she shared.
Later, in another video, Caroline spoke about the whole visit. After the nurse, the pediatrician asked Caroline if it was OK to show them a growth chart with no numbers on it. She agreed and that’s what happened. The pediatrician told Caroline’s daughter, “Your body’s growing exactly the way it wants to grow. Hooray.”
There was no mention of weight or body shape. Instead, the doctor asked Caroline’s daughter how she felt. Was she able to exercise? Did she eat lots of fruits and vegetables and balanced meals? And there was no discussion of restrictions.
Caroline also had a conversation with her daughter on the way to the doctor.
The letter made a very clear request, along with her reasoning, and invited the medical professionals to partner with her, instead of doing something she was unwilling to maintain at home. Furthermore, although Caroline’s note was written specifically for her daughter, a good physician would consider how the practice might help other families as well.
Caroline said the note was a way to prevent any chance of embarrassment for her child, but she also did some prep work with her daughter on the way to the pediatrician’s office. She explained that sometimes people use words like "good" or "bad" to describe things about bodies and that her parents disagree with that. She told her if anything like that ever happens to her, she can talk to her parents about it and they can explain why that’s not correct.
She had the convo because Caroline realizes, in this society, she’ll only be able to protect her daughter from this type of rhetoric for so long.
'This is healing me as a 40 year old mom,' one user commented.
Caroline’s comments were full of people commending her or lamenting the fact that they or their children didn’t have this type of support.
“I wish I had done this earlier with my kids,” one user wrote. “They dread the yearly check up because of this specific complex.”
Another commenter shared a more specific horror. “My doctor compared me to a skinny patient she knew was a schoolmate of mine and said to be more like her.”
Medical professionals even chimed in.
“As a peds RN and mom, I would read this probably ask if I could hug you because this is healing me as a 40 year old mom,” one person wrote. Another shared, “As an eating disorder therapist – you go mama! This is golden.”
