When you're trying to get pregnant and it's taking longer than you thought it would or it's just not happening, it's crushing. There's a deep panic as you start to wonder if you'll ever get the dream of growing a baby in your body, and the fear takes over when the calendar flips over and the tests continue to be negative.
One woman is feeling this exact thing. She's been trying to get pregnant for a while and it's not working. What she doesn't realize, though, is that her husband knows why they're not celebrating two lines on a pregnancy test yet. He had a vasectomy years before he and his new wife were looking to grow her family. Oh, and only his ex wife knows.
A dad took to Reddit to confess that even though he's trying to have a baby with his wife, he's not really.
He (OP) took to the Reddit channel AITA to get other's opinions on if he's in the wrong, and explained his situation.
"I've been married to my wife for two years now and she's always wanted to have a child with me," he wrote. "She mentions it often. I’ve even been 'trying' to have one with her."
And then he dropped the bomb: "The problem is that I've had a vasectomy and she doesn't know." He and his new wife have been "trying" to have a baby for some time.
"My ex wife came over and dropped off our 3 kids 9, 5 and 4," he continued. "And she’s pregnant by her now husband."
To make this situation sting more, OP's ex-wife knows he's had a vasectomy and that he isn't being truthful with his new partner.
"Well her and my wife were talking about her new baby and if she knew the gender," he wrote. "Now my ex knows that I've been fixed as I did so after our youngest was born."
His new wife told OP's ex wife, "I can't wait to be pregnant, we've been trying to have a baby with no luck but it will happen when god allows it."
He noted that his ex "just smiled and she then looked at me and I knew what she was thinking."
He was right. His ex-wife confirmed what she was thinking later on with a text message.
"[L]ater she texted me and told me I needed to tell my wife the truth and that she had baby fever and it was cruel to give her false hopes and pretty much called me a A–hole."
He then asked the Reddit community's opinion. "So AITA? I know it's a little dishonest but it would break my wife's heart to know the truth."
The community let him have it.
"The fact that he didn't tell her before he married her and let her believe she could have a baby with him is the most f—ed up part," one comment read. "And here he is asking if it's bad not to tell her now. Dude. You should've told her before you married her."
Another wrote, "He's been actively letting her think that they are trying for a baby. He's actively lying to her about it."
Someone else commented with a good point. "Had he been honest from the get go she may have just been okay with alternative methods of conceiving. IVF, sperm donor, etc. Now he has her thinking SHE is the one with a fertility issue." The person finished with this: "Gaslighting to the ten thousandth degree man."
The comments were pretty universal, telling OP he's very, very wrong.
Someone chimed in with a personal story. "A friend of mine is infertile and spent many years and a lot of guilt feeling like she had let her husband down by not being able to conceive. OP also sounds like the type to compound the lies rather than fessing up."
"How long was he going to let this go on??" someone else asked. "Until she's on the table for various fertility related tests, none of which are pleasant or cheap? Jesus. Major YTA."
Another commenter asked some important questions that hopefully he can answer for himself. "What are you going to do when after a year of trying, she goes to a specialist to see why she hasn't conceived? Refuse to go with her?"
The person continued, "Tell her the truth and let her choose the life and partner she wants. Maybe it's you. Maybe it's someone else. But she deserves to make an informed decision."
These stories are based on posts found on Reddit. Reddit is a user-generated social news aggregation, web content rating, and discussion website where registered members submit content to the site and can up- or down-vote the content. The accuracy and authenticity of each story cannot be confirmed by our staff.
