What to Know
We no longer love during a time when women’s main goal in life was to get married and have babies, and in that order. But that doesn’t mean there aren’t some opinions ingrained in some individuals despite living in a world where you don’t have to get married or do all of the mainstream things you might have once thought were totally necessary. A woman on TikTok named Ashanti says in her video that women who are married are “self-centered” and that they rarely consider the feelings of their single friends.
She says that single women are expected to support married friends through their life events without getting much in return. The discrepancy is kind of a big deal, especially when you consider that not everyone has to get married. Or have kids. Or embark on a journey of self-discovery that includes needing all of the attention in the world.
Women who are single and child-free see a huge difference in support.
@unpunishablewoman Do married women invest in their single female friends?
♬ original sound – Ashanti | Unpunishable Woman
Ashanti says in her TikTok that “single women in your life are not just disposable accessories” in reference to married women or married mothers believing, essentially, that their worlds revolve around them when they get married or have children. The truth, at least according Ashanti on TikTok, is that married women create this idea themselves that their lives are somehow more important because of the roads they have taken.
“For some reason, single women are expected to forgive their married female friends for anything. We’re meant to be understanding, ever available, ever accessible,” she says. “We’re meant to support them through all of the life events that they experience. Pregnancy proposals, engagements, destination weddings. But rarely, if ever, do married women really allocate time and investment into their single friends’ life events, whether that’s a promotion, a career move, a moving home, traveling, any other achievement that isn’t related to a man, isn’t related to procreation.”
She brings up a personal story here she traveled out of the country to meet with friends and catch up. One of them was distracted by her children during the entire get together. Honestly, that’s fine, because that’s what mom life is sometimes. But if you’re going to meet with a friend, you should have the foresight to make sure you are unencumbered by other distractions in order to make time for that person.
According to Ashanti, though, she sees more and more that women who are married or who are mothers believe that their time is more valuable and better spent on what they want to do rather than accommodating single unmarried friends.
“Quite frankly, there’s too many excuses being made that they’re so occupied, so busy, apparently I should be okay with meeting a married friend for a coffee when the entire time they can’t hold a conversation because they’re with a child that needs their attention,” she adds. “So that child is drawing on the wall, running around the cafe, so you can’t even get a sentence out, which means that most of the conversation actually is broken and about them.”
She also points out that, for women in relationships, a single friend is valuable when they need advice about a partner or about dating. But as soon as that is sorted out, they have less use for their single friend who serves as a “quasi therapist” for them more often than not. Maybe this is a case of someone not quite understanding the needs that a mother has. But it’s also about mothers not forgetting that they are still people and the people around them are still people who they should have respect for.
Ashanti isn’t alone in her thoughts on how single women are treated by married friends.
One commented, “And we’re not ‘allowed’ to be tired. Because how can we be really tired when we don’t have kids.”
Another added, “And the gag is, if married women actually did invest in their friendships and hobbies, they would feel so much more fulfillment from marriage and motherhood.”
I mean, personally, I don’t know about all of that. But I do know that adult friendships are important, especially when they help take your mind off things that might be stressful at home. They aren’t there to serve one person, though, and that’s an idea I can get behind.
“Don’t forget when the husband is out of town and they appear from out of nowhere wondering what we’re going to do this weekend,” another user commented on the TikTok. “No thanks. At this age I no longer want to be anyone’s plan B.”
