Being childfree by choice has become a popular topic of conversation in the past few years as more people talk about the decision to not have children. While some people feel called to have children, others have absolutely no parental instinct and have no interest in becoming parents. So what happens when women who never wanted children become moms anyway? There’s a common idea that you’ll automatically love your own children, but is that really true?
Someone on Reddit asked, “Women who never liked kids but became mothers anyway, how did things turn out for you?” Here’s what moms had to say:
I like MY kid.
“I was right: I like MY kid.
He’s my buddy, my son. It’s such a privilege watching him learn and grow, and helping him and nurturing him.
I’ve put my care and love into so many things, he’s the best one!
This comes with the caveat, however, that I only had a child when I absolutely wanted one. I was 35 when I decided I wanted one, and KNOWING it was my choice makes all the harder things easier.” –LikeATediousArgument
My step-daughter is the best gift I never knew I wanted.
“I was always childfree by choice and I’ve never pushed a human out of my vagina, but I found myself step-parenting a wonderful little eight year old science nerd, who is now a 22 year old nerd, and she is hands down the best gift I never knew I wanted. The relationship with her father is long over, but she and I still trade dumb texts and memes on the daily and I would throw myself into shark-infested waters for her in a flash. She is the purest, most unconditional form of love I have ever had in my life, and she’s a fucking awesome human being to boot. ❤️❤️” –RulyDragon
I’d rather be childfree.
“Didn’t want kids. But it happened. It’s been an okay experience overall. But if I had a chance to revert back to being child free I would. Nothing to do with my baby. It’s more of a choice rather.” –Dr__Pheonx
My kids are minimal trouble.
“I didn’t like kids because I found them lacking in manners and often too loud and rambunctious in closed spaces. What I realized after becoming a mother is that children’s behavior is a result of how they are raised. I did everything I could to make sure my kids were well mannered and not loud and obnoxious. So far my kids have been minimal trouble and I always get compliments from strangers telling me how well behaved they are, especially on airplanes. The biggest compliment was from a friend of a friend who didn’t want kids but after an afternoon with mine she said if this is how kids behave then she would actually be inclined to have one.” –TamtamBe
I love my kids more than anything, but if I could go back in time and do it again, I wouldn’t.
“I love mine, like enough that I wouldn’t just die for them, I am willing to live for them. They are the reason I sought higher education, eat healthier, work out regularly and do my absolute best to live a life that would make them proud of me. If I could go back in time and do it again? Probably not. Being a parent is exhausting, extremely expensive, thankless, guilt ridden horror show filled with middle of the night vomit and poop. Trying to work, study and care for little humans while maintaining your sanity is impossible. I fully support my own children remaining child free because I want them to have everything I didn’t. Opportunities for travel, better education and by extension better jobs, nicer homes and a more comfortable life.” –boredcats3
I still don’t have biological kids, but I adore my stepson.
“Stood my ground and never had kids of my own. My mom had HORRIBLE postpartum depression that nearly killed her, and I wasn’t about to risk that.
I did become a stepmother to a 15 year old (met the kid when he was 13) and his mom and I were his closest confidants during those rough, formative teenage years. I wouldn’t change a thing. He’s in college now, and he and his dad have my whole heart.” –ElsieBeing
I signed my rights away.
“I was right the entire time I hated it, I grew resentful towards the fact no one helped, I grew resentful towards my partner who convinced me to have the kid. I ended up signing my rights away because I did love my child and I knew he didn’t deserve a parent who felt the way I did. He now had a stepmom who loves him and raising him more than anything and I keep in contact to check in with them all. Forever grateful for the woman who decided to love him like her own.” –Brilliant_Outside409
I have imposter syndrome about being a mom.
“We didnt want kids, but I got pregnant. My kid is 2 months. I have imposter syndrome like he can see right through me and knows I didn’t want this job and am a fraud. I greatly fear being a bad parent or my kid coming out no good. I’m just not naturally good with kids. Everything feels awkward – the way I hold him, play with him, talk with him, feed him, etc. But I’m learning and have warmed up now, feeling that bond growing. I don’t mind this life and love him so SO much now that he’s here. I just wouldn’t have chosen to get pregnant.” –pixa4u
I still don’t like other people’s kids.
“I was very happy living my life with just my husband. On some level I thought I might regret not having kids and having that ‘family’ experience. Like many here have posted, I like MY kids.
I don’t hate kids in general, but I have 0 interest in holding other people’s babies or interacting with children aside from my own. That has not changed. I do have more tolerance of ‘normal kid behaviors’ and less tolerant on what I think is just bad parenting.
My kids are great. I take a ton of pictures of them, I’m proud of their accomplishments and I both love my kids and enjoy having them around. No regrets.” –eveoneverything
My kids are my teammates now.
“I never wanted kids. I have two of them now, and we are one badass team.
The first baby daddy passed away, the second one turned aggressive the day the baby was born. So, I am a single mom.
Sure, it’s been hard at times. However, I am in awe of the two young people I am allowed to raise.” –ToeInternational3417
Being a mom has been traumatic.
“I’ll keep this short. It was traumatic for me in every way. I never wanted kids so never had any inkling what motherhood would look like and it was hard, isolating, and anxiety-inducing. It got a bit easier as he grew as I was for sure one and done and had his friends over a lot to take the pressure off of me. He left at 20 and I was 40 and I have been healing now in this time of life for Me and my dreams. I spoil myself constantly and make my reality the way I want it 8 years in now. I am me again.” –LeighofMar
I’ve softened a lot to other kids.
“So many comments so im sure mine will get lost in the mix.. she is only 11 months old, but I am obsessed with her, and I’ve softened a lot more to other kids/kids in general. For example: getting excited to see kids trick-or-treating for the first time or having a new sense of anguish over children being taken advantage of in shows or movies.
Also I used to make fun of people (in my mind) who wore matching holiay pajamas.. but here I am with matching christmas pajamas. this year. It’s just so fun to do all of these corny things with her – I love it.
I still dont like other peoples’ kids nearly as much as I like my own, though!
Also helps that I have an INCREDIBLY involved, active & engaged partner/father.” –Columbus_Social
I’m sick of being ‘unselfish.’
“I’m the opposite. I wanted kids .. now that I have them, I don’t want them anymore.
I love them. But having them means I can’t love myself as much as I used to and it makes me depressed. I’ve been in the “unselfish” season for too long and it’s really getting to me.” –lookat-me-mom
My husband made it possible.
“I love my kids but I really owe so much to my husband. He is truly my equal in cleaning, cooking, and parenting. And even more, when I’m having a particularly hard time he does even more than his fair share. If I didn’t have this support my experience would be totally different and way worse.” –missdovahkiin1
I realized it’s not the kids I have an issue with, it’s the parents.
“I realized that it’s not the kids I disliked, so much as the outcome of subpar parenting. So while I still don’t enjoy most kids, I realize it’s the parents/their effect that I don’t like. Rude kids? Parent’s fault. Violent kids? Parent’s fault. Snotty kids? Etc etc etc
As for my kid? LOVE her. She’s the best. She’s hilarious and spunky and loving and so smart. The dopest kid ever.” –IndependentBowl2806
