Stepdad Calls Bride-To-Be ‘Unfair’ After She Asks Mom to Walk Her Down the Aisle Instead

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It's not really a surprise to hear that stepparent relationships can be challenging to form. It's not the same as the relationship with a parent — it takes extra work, a lot of understanding, and for some, therapy to learn more about each other so a bond can form. When it happens, it can be beautiful, but when it doesn’t, there can be a lot of residual stress because of it.

One young lady's stepfather came into her life 13 years ago and something recently highlighted the strained relationship.

The bride-to-be took to Reddit and started her post off with some background on her relationship with her stepfather.

"I (25f) am getting married next year," OP wrote. "My dad died when I was 9," she said before sharing the her mom found someone and remarried when she was 13 years old.

"I don't consider him my dad/parent or a figure," she admitted. "I wouldn't want him walking me down the aisle. So I asked my mom. She accepted but the next day she called and told me her husband was hurt and would I be open to him doing it or the two of them."

But the bride wants her mom to walk with her, and that's what she told her mom.

"I told her I was more comfortable doing it with her and she knows it hasn't been easy for me to build a relationship with him," she explained. "He's an alright guy but I think he thought I would look at him as a dad and it meant there were a lot of tears (mine) after he married my mom," she continued.

She shared that she "struggled a ton, and even ran away at one point because I was miserable," adding, "while my mom tried to mediate, she never understood my inability to accept having a third parent."

The bride-to-be says her mom never really understood why she never became close to her stepdad.

"I wasn't ready and he is a very intimidating man," she explained. "He's ex-military and very stern most of the time. So I found it hard to find a bonding thing either. I also never felt like I could have a heart to heart with him. I still don't."

She explained that although he's "been around for 12 years now" she doesn't feel any closer to him. "I still feel like he is mostly a stranger to me. I know it's my fault but it's also partly how he is."

"Either way," she wrote, "I would be very uncomfortable having him walk with me, even if it was with my mom."

When her stepfather found out she asked her mom to walk her down the aisle, he was not happy.

"He sent me a text a few days after I spoke to my mom about it and he said, very formally, that I was being unfair and needed to think about everything and reflect on my not wanting him to do it," OP wrote.

"My mom said she's in a tough spot. She wants to walk me but doesn't want to upset her husband and she admitted she still struggles to understand why I feel the way I do," OP shared. "She knows I went to therapy and that I go still. She said her husband isn't really as stern as I think and she would love for me to accept him as part of my family and as the parent he tried to be."

And although that's all true, OP says her mom knows she is careful to not "be rude or disrespectful to him."

OP then asked the community if she was in the wrong for not wanting her stepdad to walk her down the aisle at her wedding.

"NTA," one person explained in the comments. "He’s not your father and he’s spoiling a special moment with your mother. His forceful attitude is exactly why this didn’t work in the first place, it’s completely counterproductive. It’s up to you but one thing you could do is walk down the aisle alone and give your mother another role he can’t pout about as it’s not associated with the father, like doing a reading." The commenter added, "You shouldn’t have to compromise but it unfortunately sounds like your mother would feel awkward about doing it now."

"NTA," another wrote. The person added, "Have you considered walking down the aisle with your husband? I did that as a symbol that we were talking this step together. My parents have both passed away and no one needs to ‘give me away’ since no one owns me."

"NTA," another agreed. "But it might be time to respond to him directly with a 'You have a right to your feelings. But this is My wedding day. The person I want walking me down the isle is my Mother. This is not something up for discussion and the more you try to make my wedding about you the less I want you there.'"

"What is with people feeling entitled to do what they want at someone else’s wedding," questioned another Reddit user. "Literally the only two people’s wishes which are relevant are the people getting married. Nta."