All one woman wanted while she was giving birth was for her mom to be in the delivery room with her for extra support. Was that too much to ask? She sent her husband to fetch her, and but when he showed up, he had a bit of a surprise: his mom instead. Annoyed, the mom still can’t stop thinking about how her husband totally messed up, and she’s wondering if it’s wrong for still being a teeny bit resentful of what he did.
The Original Poster (OP) gave birth a few weeks ago, and the original plan was to only have her husband by her side.
But when it was actually show time, the OP had a sudden change of mind “and started to miss my mother desperately as if I would never see her again,” she explained in a post on Reddit.
“I knew she had lessons that day but wanted her by my side, so I asked my husband to call and drive her here,” she shared.
As anyone who's actually been through labor knows, birth plans rarely go as intended. And it's not strange that the OP would want her mom there when things started to get scary.
An hour later, her husband returned — without her mom.
But he did have his mother in tow.
“He explained that my mother was in the middle of a lecture and he was afraid that they could not make it in time before she sums it up, so he drove his own mother who lived nearer instead,” she recalled.
She was furious. All she wanted was this one important thing.
She started “wailing uncontrollably, crying for my mother like a child.”
The nurses in the room eventually ended up removing the OP’s husband from the delivery room, and without him there she had no family “during the whole unpleasant process.”
She kept on crying throughout her delivery.
“And only stopped when my mother finally arrived much later,” she wrote.
But she learned that her husband wasn't totally honest about the phone call.
“According to her, my husband did not call her, instead left her a message and she only saw it after dismissal,” she explained.
The OP feels embarrassed at how she behaved.
She doesn’t even understand why she “lost it” so much, and she feels awful that her husband didn’t get to see the birth of their baby.
“However, I am also angry that he did not bother to make an effort to let me see my mother when I felt I needed her and instead took this chance to bring his own mother,” she wrote. “I guess both of us feel betrayed to some extent, but which one of us is the AH? I want to know.”
Most people in the comment section felt like the OP had nothing to feel bad about.
"Hun, you were in LABOR. Of course your feelings are gonna be amplified," one commenter assured her. "I would've reacted the same as you if my husband brought his mom instead of mine."
"NTA, in any way. Your husband though … maybe your mother in law dynamic is amazing, but there is no universe where bringing a mom instead of your mom is an acceptable substitute," someone else agreed. "Not sure what he was thinking, but no — if anyone is TA, it’s him."
"[Y]ou were in labor and under a lot of stress. It sounds like he did the bare minimum to try to reach your mom," a third commenter agreed. "Also you didn't directly make him leave, the nurse did for the sake of your stress levels which was reasonable. At that point assuming there was now no longer time for him to go back for your mom and return in time, having your husband there would only make your stress levels worse because you were upset."
A few people, however, agreed that what the OP did was awful.
"[Y]ou made the father of your child miss the birth of his child because he texted instead of called your mom? You’re a huge a–hole," one commenter wrote.
"YTA for me, sorry. Congrats on your newborn," another person agreed. "I understand you wanted your mother but I think the presence of the father is more important. He missed his son's birth! It could be his only child and you took that away from him. Also, I bet your mother had her phone on silence. I've never seen a professor answer their phone during class. You need to apologize to your husband. It was kind of dumb of him to bring his mother but not an a–hole move, in my opinion."
"YTA — get it that you needed your mom, but you changed your mind last minute. Cant blame the guy," a third commenter addd.
OP, you can forgive or you can forget — but whatever you choose, make sure to include your mom for your next baby.
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