This week, I knew I had to be proactive about getting my hormones balanced post-baby. I really struggled with dead adrenals, metabolism, and hormone balancing after I had my first son, not to mention that the “baby blues” then turned into postpartum depression.
I just felt off for years and years after my first son. I couldn’t shake the baby weight, and I had a general sense of “meh.” It is crazy what having zero hormones can do to your body (which we later found out greatly attributed to the infertility we had for years), and it was a huge contributing factor to not being able to drop the extra 50 pounds after birth for more than six years.
I literally felt like crap for years no matter how much I exercised and ate a clean, balanced diet, and it was beyond frustrating. I just couldn’t bounce back physically, emotionally, or mentally after giving birth.
This time, I was going to be proactive
I am struggling a little this week with balancing attention between my newborn and my 9.5-year-old, who is being homeschooled
I haven’t had to divide my attention before, and I want to give 100% to both, which isn’t possible in addition to doing all of my own cooking and cleaning.
My hubby reminds me daily that something has to give. So far, we have given into Thistle, a vegan meal-delivery service, so that I can still eat healthy but not worry about grocery shopping and getting meals on the table. I have been surprised at how much less stress I have, not to mention the meal is super balanced so that I have better quality breastmilk and hopefully will lose my baby weight in a reasonable timeframe.
It can be so easy to Postmate something I am craving and then regret it as I struggle with my body image after baby. It’s really hard to not want the “bounce back” I see so many of my other mom friends experiencing. As much as I try not to compare my postpartum journey with others, it still affects me. I still scroll on Instagram and Facebook and see a mom friend “back in her pre-baby jeans,” looking amazing while I cry about my loose skin and the muffin top that doesn’t let me button my jeans.
I also just got cleared by my doctor late this week to start lightly working out and start resuming life before pregnancy
While I’m excited to get this body moving and dropping some of the weight I gained during pregnancy, I feel pressure now to look like my pre-fertility journey body like ASAP, but then there is another part of me that doesn’t care about that and is more concerned with producing good quality breastmilk and getting my body stronger again.
To change your mindset about your body is tough. We see so much on TV, in magazines, and on social media about bouncing back after a baby, and it’s not realistic for most of us. I may lose all the weight (I may not), but I will always have my scars and stretch marks and likely my cellulite, and that is a-ok.
I embrace and love my stretch marks and scars but struggle with my huge breastfeeding boobs (I am a small boob girl) that come out at my armpits, along with back fat and cellulite. We all have our insecure spots. I’m learning to be OK with it because without all of the “imperfections” or “stripes of motherhood,” I wouldn’t be holding this beautiful bundle of joy in my arms right now. This is a huge exercise in body positivity for me. I’m getting there, but I’m not there completely.
Instead of focusing on the negatives, I’m learning to love and appreciate this body for growing two amazing boys that make my heart so full
A year ago, I remember saying I would give anything to have a healthy pregnancy and baby. Now that it has happened, somehow I have forgotten that this wish was granted and now focus instead on getting my body back. I desperately need to shift my mentality, but it’s easier said than done.
I keep reminding myself daily that postpartum is a journey and not a race, and therefore it looks different and feels different for every mama.
I keep reminding myself daily that postpartum is a journey and not a race, and therefore it looks different and feels different for every mama. Again, easier said than done. It’s hard to look in the mirror and immediately love our stripes of motherhood. It’s always easier to pick away at what we don’t love about our new post-baby bodies.
On a happier note, we took our first family photo with Max while on a little getaway to our cabin this weekend. We used the self-timer on our phone so we are a little blurry, but WE DID IT! We have our first photo as a family of four. Also, I just started baby-wearing, and I am loving the Ergobaby Embrace. It is so soft and comfortable to wear. I didn’t start baby-wearing until my first son was a few months old, so I wanted to get an earlier start this time around. I get very overwhelmed with the baby wraps, so this carrier is a happy medium for me.
It’s been just about three weeks of sleepless nights, an expectedly painful C-section recovery, lots of diaper explosions, and me trying to keep up with on-demand breastfeeding with my 120 oz. of water every day. Motherhood is tricky and messy, but my heart has never been so full.
Catch up here:
Diary of a 4th Trimester Mom: Week 1
Diary of a 4th Trimester Mom: Week 2
