For some, it seems like the No. 1 thing that people LOVE to do when you’re pregnant is touch your pregnant belly — especially without permission. Some people are fine with it, but if you’re not down to be petted like a dog, then being pregnant can be uncomfortable when such people cross your boundaries. One mom-to-be is very anti-belly rub and for a good reason, but her mother-in-law is taking her no-touch rule a little too personally.
As the mom-to-be explained in her post on Reddit's r/JUSTNOMIL forum, an abusive relationship when she was a teen has made her very sensitive to being touched.
It can even trigger a panic attack, she explained in her post, but now at 27 weeks pregnant she’s running into a major problem.
“The only person I let touch my belly is the only person I really (mostly, still working on a few things) trust, which is my fiancé,” she explained.
But that trust didn’t come easily.
“I was very protective over my body before getting pregnant and now I am extremely protective over my body after getting pregnant,” she wrote.
Her fiancé’s family knows about her past abusive relationship.
She withheld some details because she wasn't comfortable sharing everything.
“All they know is that I was sexually, emotionally, and physically abused. It was hard to even tell them that,” she wrote.
Most of the family has been cool not touching her pregnancy bump — “however, his mom has been trying to get his nieces around 3 years old to keep touching my belly.”
The mom-to-be doesn’t want to be a jerk to her nieces “so I just always say ‘oh she’s sleeping right now’ and in all their cuteness they don’t touch my belly because they don’t want to wake her up lol,” she explained. “His mom will keep sending them over to ‘ask to touch’ but they usually tell her ‘no, baby sleeping.’”
The expecting mom told her fiancé that she knows her MIL is sending her nieces over to touch her belly “since I won’t let her touch it herself.”
“He told me about how she constantly asks him ‘why can’t I bond with my grandchild, it’s not fair’ trying to guilt trip HIM into letting her touch ME,” she wrote.
The future mom won’t even let her own mother touch her stomach.
“It’s uncomfortable for me and it’s a trigger,” she explained.
“I’m tired of feeling bad about it and I’m just not sure how to nip this in the bud when she doesn’t say anything to me,” she continued. “I am very proud of my partner for standing up for my bodily autonomy though! But she continues to push at it."
She is feeling pretty desperate. “Help, No Contact is not possible.”
Most people in the comments section weren’t buying her MIL's whole “bonding with the baby” nonsense.
"The only people that need to 'bond' with baby are you and Significant Other. Period. If she wants to bond with a baby, she needs to have her own," commented one person.
"No one has a right to touch any part of your body without your permission. Even if you hadn't been horribly abused and get triggered by touch, this is still a rule," someone else agreed.
"JNMIL cannot bond with your baby by touching your belly," the person continued. "She is being really passive-aggressive by sending the nieces over to touch your belly because you won't let her. At least they listen when you say no. You and your partner will need to set boundaries with the baby. Start planning now."
Another commenter offered her some advice: "Tell the parents of [your nieces] how MIL is using them. Go around her & have their parents tell them to not ask."
Clearly, they're going to have to work on boundaries, but the mom-to-be later perfectly summed up how so many pregnant women feel when family can't take no for an answer: "When you get pregnant you become public property."
She updated her post with a bit of good news after her fiancé had a talk with his mom and told her to respect their boundaries or forget seeing him and meeting her new granddaughter. "She apologized to me today for her boundary stomping. Fingers crossed that this respect continues," the expectant mom wrote.
If you or someone you know has been the victim of domestic abuse, you can find help and support at DVIS.org, the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233, or by contacting your local women's shelter (domesticshelters.org).
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